To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

[Yomuma]

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

Dangerous - if he can’t control himself he’ll have to sit in the back like a child. I used to make my dad do that when I was 17/18 and picked my parents up from the pub!

Really, shout "Shut the fuck up!!"

My dh gets a bit vocal when I'm driving so I remind him every time we get in the car and I'm driving "I'm driving. You don't utter a word unless it's literally life or death, understood?"
And I don't start the car until he agrees.

I would simply get out walk round the car open his door and tell him to drive. Snd ignore all the horns from behind. And I would do it every single time

Yes, yes, yes to all of the shut the fucks up above this plus more! And if he wont get out of the car when you pullover then you get out & go - with the keys!! That might teach the stupid man.

I agree. I wind my dh up by telling him I'm a waayyy better driver than him because I'm calm when I drive and don't get stressed, shouty and lose control like a fool ie him.
It's a bit of an exaggeration but there's truth there.

He shuts the fuck up if he wants to remain a passenger. Otherwise he get the bus
Shout go! At the driver….see how long that lasts

To me this sounds potentially quite dangerous.

I think a serious word with your DH is necessary.

I would empathise with his impatience but point out that people have different driving styles and that he is putting you both (plus any other passengers, and other road users) at a bit higher risk than if he kept his feelings to himself. Perhaps point out that he wouldn’t like it if you passed comment on his driving (or another complicated task that requires full attention). Hopefully he can understand the safety POV.

Bil used to do this to sil, at junctions and also when she held back to let another car through, he'd tell her she can get a tank through there, and be shouting at her to go.

Earlier this year he had an injury which meant he couldn't drive for a while and she ended up with anxiety when she was driving him every day to and from work. She told him he was upsetting her and making her panic and he just kept doing it so one morning he shouted at her and she pulled over at the next bus stop and said she's no longer driving someone who thinks shouting at her when she's trying to pay attention is ok and he's making her feel panicky when he's shouting GO GO GO GO and told him if he thinks her driving is that bad he can get the bus.

My brother who was an advanced skills police driver used to do this to me. Until the day I stopped the care and told him that he gave me one more instruction whilst I was driving I would chuck him out then car and he could walk!! I also pointed out that his behaviour was NOT a safe way to "teach" someone if that was intention and was more likely to cause an accident because he was telling me to contradict my instincts as a trained and perfectly competent driver who had passed a driving test.

He finally learnt to shut up!

my Ex- DH did this. I stopped the car and told him to get out or shut up. he shut up 😁

Yep. He shouldn't be shouting at you while you're driving.

Knock up a notice for ghe passenger side:

Silence is Golden
Duct Tape is Silver

If this doesn't work tell him to get out and walk. He is a driving hazard.

This is so annoying and YABU for not either making him sit in back or get out!!

Your husband is dangerous to have in the car. I would never drive him anywhere again.

Maybe you should both go on an IAM driving assessment / course, you may find he is not such a great driver after all and he would gain a greater awareness of the potential harm of shouting at the driver.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

YABU not to recognise that he is digging into your confidence. Is it just driving where he makes you feel like this? People saying tell him to shut up are missing the bigger picture. Your partner in life is supposed to be your biggest supporter, on your side. This guy is trying to put you down and make you feel incompetent. That's not how decent people treat each other.

I hate this, my ex used to do it, and he’s a crap driver. Go when you feel comfortable, he could cause an accident

If your DH is genuinely a good and safe driver, he would know that shouting instructions at a driver is very poor backseat driving.

He clearly isn't as good a driver as he thinks he is.

FWIW, one of my DC tried this lark on me. She can't drive.

My ex used to do this. He doesn't even drive! He also used to moan at me for checking my blind spot, couldn't understand why I had to do this

My husband says 'floor it' at roundabouts -drives me insane. I tell him to STFU. Also he has a tendency to remind me to brake at a junction 🙄

This.

This.

My DH used to do the same.

He hasn't for a long time now, not since I stopped the car as soon as it was safe to do so, got out, and told him he could drive the sodding thing!

I say ripping the steering wheel off and hitting him with it would be reasonable. Go for it 😉

Ugh, my DH can be like this occasionally. Unfortunately I learned to drive late (when I was 32) so he had to be my practice driver and was not well suited to it. I know exactly what you mean by that feeling where being shouted at totally throws you off - an actually makes it less safe! I sometimes just tell him, calmly, I'm the one driving, I have made the judgement call appropriate for me.

He's got much better at this generally, although he's still absolutely awful on holiday and every time acts like I'm going to get us killed even though I've driven for over 12 years now, despite the fact I keep telling him that maybe he's just as 'close to the kerb/other cars' as I am, the difference is I trust him and am not judging everything he does.

It was very reassuring when we were on holiday recently with a friend of DH and I was driving, and DH's friend also thought he was being way too uptight and my driving was fine.

My chap tried that with me once. I put the brake on, said he had 2 choices. Shut up or get out and walk.
Perhaps I was being ridiculous, but yelling GO and me trying to gun my slow and ancient diesel was not going to result in me nipping over a junction or roundabout.
He has had a few reminders over the years. I do junctions in my time, not anyone elses.

You need to get tough on your passenger OP. Shout back ‘No No No’ if necessary. The boy has legs? Yes? He can always get out and walk.