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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

283 replies

Yomuma · 08/11/2023 18:14

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

OP posts:
KissTheRains · 08/11/2023 18:33

every one that's faster than you is a maniac and everyone slower than you is a ditherer.

no such thing as the perfect driver, though men often think they're always right which is idiotic because everyone can't be right, someone has to wrong and for every one that your oh thinks is wrong, there's 3 that think he is, so eventually it gets confusing and roundabouts where everyone should give way to those doing wrong and not the right as that's defensive but never the dotherers as dithering is dangerous so, basically, don't stop not being safe and give way to the wrong and not the right so you don't cross the hatches or suddenly halt progressing.
Got it?

Good.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2023 18:33

I'd tell him to shut the fuck up.

When you are driving, the driver gets to make the decisions about when it is safe for them to go. The only exception would be if the passenger is the one with the clear view but even then I'd be cautious.

SheepBeepBeep · 08/11/2023 18:36

I’m guessing he isn’t quite the accomplished driver he’s led you to believe…

FairyPolka · 08/11/2023 18:36

Tell him to Shut Up! Shut Up!

peppermintcrisp · 08/11/2023 18:37

My DH is dithery behind the wheel it is quite annoying tbh.

willingtolearn · 08/11/2023 18:37

You only get better at a skill by practising it. This includes you making a judgment on whether it is safe to go.

Him shouting at you to go, is making it more difficult to develop your own skills and confidence.

I would refuse to drive when he is in the car. This may be how myself and DH do things because he is also a shouty 'master of the road'.

takealettermsjones · 08/11/2023 18:37

I bet he's not as great a driver as he thinks he is (or as he'd have you believe). He just likes eroding your confidence. Tell him to shut the fuck up.

MimiSunshine · 08/11/2023 18:38

That’s the kind of thing that would make me want to crash the car on purpose. Or less dramatic, put the parking brake on and wait until I was sure I wanted to go.

tell him to fuck off or at least start doing it to him

ErrolTheDragon · 08/11/2023 18:38

SoupDragon · 08/11/2023 18:33

I'd tell him to shut the fuck up.

When you are driving, the driver gets to make the decisions about when it is safe for them to go. The only exception would be if the passenger is the one with the clear view but even then I'd be cautious.

Yeah, sometimes if we're at a bad junction or when there's a lot of traffic both ways the driver will ask the passenger to look left and keep saying 'no no no' or 'clear clear clear' - but then always check left themself before pulling out of course.

There's a world of difference between solicited and unsolicited 'advice', and personally if someone shouts instructions at me my brain just freezes.

Octavia64 · 08/11/2023 18:38

Last time my exDH did that I screamed and then put the brakes on full and shouted

WHAT WHAT

He never did it again

Fairospop22 · 08/11/2023 18:38

YABU for saying bossy bossy boots. He’s a knobby twatty cock

bellac11 · 08/11/2023 18:38

I do this to OH all the time, his timing is atrocious, he has quite a delayed reaction which isnt good as a driver.

Icepop79 · 08/11/2023 18:39

I’m a confident driver and have been driven around by more hesitant ones. Never in a million years would I shout at any driver to go if they’re not ready. My partner and I will each say “clear left” if the other one is pulKing out of a junction, but that’s as far as it would ever go.

your husband is a dick.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 08/11/2023 18:39

I'd actually kill him.
HTH.

Iam4eels · 08/11/2023 18:39

When I first passed my test DH would do this thing where he would grasp at the door handle with his left hand and hold on with a white knuckled grip whenever I was turning on a junction or entering a roundabout. I eventually snapped at him when he did it in Sainsbury's car park while I was pootling along at 5mph, said you either feel safe with me driving or you don't and if you don't then you can bloody walk home. For the return journey I let him drive and loudly prayed every time he got to a junction or roundabout.

He never did it again.

Monstermunchx1000 · 08/11/2023 18:39

My husband presses the imaginary breaks, sounds like thumper the rabbit doing it, sucks breath in, oooooo, ahhhhh, winces, covers his face when I slow down towards lights. I mean, I can't be that bad surely? This is someone who I've saved (as a passenger) from about five crashes by saying, car coming 2 o'clock, better check the right, Christ almighty do you want me to die.

RedToothBrush · 08/11/2023 18:40

The correct response to him doing this is to pull up at the next available safe place and tell him to get out and walk home.

His behaviour is dangerous in distracting you from making the decision to go yourself and will undermine your confidence in driving. If he doesn't like how you drive he can a) shut up and put up with it b) drive himself c) fuck off and walk.

NetZeroZealot · 08/11/2023 18:42

DH does this. It's extremely annoying.

reclaimmyboobs · 08/11/2023 18:43

Giveuprobot · 08/11/2023 18:28

My brother's an advanced police driver. He had a mildly irritating habit of saying 'clear left' at junctions. That was until he had a girlfriend who thought that was just a fun thing he said at junctions (I don't know, she was very sweet).

Anyway, the rest is predictable. She said 'clear left' because that's what you do at junctions. It was not, in fact, clear left.

Moral: driver drives, passenger passenges.

I hope everyone was OK but this is genuinely hilarious.

Smartiepants79 · 08/11/2023 18:43

Summerhillsquare · 08/11/2023 18:20

If he was that good a driver he'd know that yelling at the person behind the wheel is dangerous.

This.
He’s not a good driver, because if he was he’d know not to do this.
Tell him to stop or you’re never driving him anywhere ever again.

RosaGallica · 08/11/2023 18:43

Men. Can’t live with ‘em… can’t live with ‘em.

Out of interest how many wives yell at their husbands while driving? Mine doesn’t drive, but it was always my dad yelling at everyone.

AhBiscuits · 08/11/2023 18:43

My DH is a fucking shit driver because he thinks he owns the road and everyone else is wrong. I've made it more than clear that if he criticises my driving I will immediately pull over, even if it's on the hard shoulder, and will never drive him again.

MechyMagic · 08/11/2023 18:44

OH is ex advanced police driver - it's very rare that he is the passenger.

I do remember we got a new to us car once with a very... interesting... clutch. Someone flashed to let me go and I wasn't prepared and made right balls up of getting across. He just talked me through it and laughed with me afterwards.

Any other time he is either quiet or complementary even though I'm sure at times I do things he wouldn't.

EmmaEmerald · 08/11/2023 18:44

LadyMacB · 08/11/2023 18:21

I would literally say “shut the fuck up or get out of the car”. It would do my head in. Not unreasonable.

I wouldn't bother with the first bit

He'd just need to be out of my car....forever.

I do have thoughts in the passenger seat about the driving sometimes but they stay in my head.

WeighDownOnMe · 08/11/2023 18:45

I had an ex try to direct me like this. I was driving him to the pub and pulled over and made him get out and walk.

Men like this can get fucked.