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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

283 replies

Yomuma · 08/11/2023 18:14

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

OP posts:
verdantverdure · 08/11/2023 19:57

Rosscameasdoody · 08/11/2023 19:54

Next time he does it pull over when it’s safe and get out. Make him drive the rest of the way. Do this every single time.

One warning and then I wouldn't let him in the car.

Cailleachian · 08/11/2023 19:58

His behaviour is dangerous and is endangering other road users.

You are being unreasonable for continuing to give him lifts. If you cant stop the lifts completely move him to the backseat and if he continues with this, stop the car until he gets out.

Globules · 08/11/2023 20:01

I got so fed up of comments driving my husband that I refused to drive him anywhere. Final straw made me pull onto the hard shoulder and walk away, as I couldn't be anywhere near him.

That was 6 months into our 20yr marriage.

So frikking glad he's now XH.

Readinstead · 08/11/2023 20:04

When I was learning to drive (1980's) my Dad told me to only ever do what a passenger tells you if he tells you to stop - only the driver can make the decision if is safe to go.
My Mum had a fit of the giggles when I told her this, because she got out of the car at a junction once when she got fed up of his instructions as to when it was safe to go. She walked to the town centre with my Dad following her in the car. At least he learned from his mistakes.

DanceMumTaxi · 08/11/2023 20:07

I’d refuse to drive him anywhere, ever.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 08/11/2023 20:08

Next time you're walking behind him in the house and he so much as dithers at a single stride twixt kitchen and living room / through the front door / out of the bathroom, just randomly yell GO! GO! GO! at him and watch him jump. Idiot man.

QWERTYoutside · 08/11/2023 20:09

he Is being a silly boy. I have a friend who makes noises about gaps and sucking in her breath sometimes when I drive. Fuck it pisses me off … she doesn’t even have a licence to drive.

Flyhigher · 08/11/2023 20:12

YABU. But as people age they become less patient passengers. My husband and some friends do this. I hate it. Really hate it. It undermines you. And makes things dangerous.

rookiemere · 08/11/2023 20:12

Oh lord YANBU, DF is like that, not really safe to drive any more so tries to assuage his pride by dictating instructions from the back seat ( I make DM sit in the front).

He got really upset with the way the sat nav was telling me to go, but I can't take instructions from him as he barks out when to turn at the very last minute - coz that's how he drives.

When I was taking DM to and from the hospital he would tell me when he thought it was clear to go across junctions, even though I didn't ask and would never take someone else's word for it.

I've also had to tell him off for his outbursts at other drivers. He doesn't understand that it's hard to drive when someone starts randomly aggressively shouting when I'm trying to concentrate. I tend not to notice what other drivers do unless it directly impacts me.

It's infuriating because I try my best for them, but driving is one area where I just need my passengers to leave it to me.

Ididivfama · 08/11/2023 20:14

He doesn’t sound like a very good driver if you are safer than him.

Tighginn · 08/11/2023 20:15

Would be do that to a colleague?

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 08/11/2023 20:16

GrittyTunnocks · 08/11/2023 19:49

Or you could just learn to drive properly. There may be a compromise in there but the Highway Code suggests not.

Show quote history

What are you on about?

WowOK · 08/11/2023 20:16

If you are driving he needs to shut the fuck up and let you drive.

coffeetofunction · 08/11/2023 20:17

Absolutely no excuse for anyone to shout at the driver at a roundabout or anywhere else however drivers that are unconfident on roundabouts causes accidents. roundabouts are to help keep moving the traffic, they should be approached at a suitable speed to either safely stop or continue. Drives that stop when it is not necessary often end up with a car in the back of them

TheGoogleMum · 08/11/2023 20:19

I would find that so off putting. He should let you go when you feel it's safe, some smaller gaps are only OK if you put your foot down but if you aren't ready to do so you won't really have the time. Better be cautious than go when it isn't safe

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 08/11/2023 20:21

Which is the fault of the person behind them @coffeetofunction it might be annoying, but if you drive into the back of someone because they stopped at a junction it’s your fault.

54isanopendoor · 08/11/2023 20:21

Summerhillsquare · 08/11/2023 18:20

If he was that good a driver he'd know that yelling at the person behind the wheel is dangerous.

My exH used to do this sort of thing.
Because he was a professional driver (bus) & I was therefore rubbish.
I got my licence aged 33 & still drive (carefully) aged 55. No bumps, no issues.
He lost his professional & personal licence 2 years ago.
I can't stand aggressive / bullying drivers.

WeighDownOnMe · 08/11/2023 20:24

I'll bet he doesn't do it to other men he gets in a car with.

Misogynistic wanker.

FloraClover · 08/11/2023 20:27

Three things:

  1. driver rules. He’s being EXTREMELY dangerous telling you to go. If you have an accident then you’d be at fault. Tell him until his behaviour changes, you won’t have him in the car.

  2. perhaps you need to increase your confidence by driving more (alone!). He will make you stressed and nervous

  3. you should not stop at a roundabout unless you have someone crossing your path. You should be looking right at the oncoming traffic as you approach the roundabout and if safe to do so, you keep going. There is NO need to stop and then assess if you can go. This is a pet peeve of mine. Most drivers in the UK do it and it causes massive tail backs.

WandaWonder · 08/11/2023 20:27

If you are unsafe you should not be driving, his attitude is not going to fix anything though

He can still be acting a twat with you not being a safe driver, if you were driving safely then he needs to keep quiet

Tiredandsleepie · 08/11/2023 20:28

I hate dithery drivers with a passion so I'd also be shouting go go go

I actually wouldn't be able to drive with you at all tbh so I wouldn't be sitting in the car next to you

whynotwhatknot · 08/11/2023 20:30

ive seen -mostly men drive onto a roudabout and nearly cause a crash because hey think they can make it

its arrogance not confeidence

theresastormcoming · 08/11/2023 20:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

idontlikebiglights · 08/11/2023 20:32

In my car, if you're a passenger, you don't have a speaking part!

My dad always used to sit beside me and contradict the Sat Nav. It'd tell me to go right but he always 'knew a short cut if we went left'. We nearly always got lost! So now I just say quietly, 'would you prefer to walk? I'm happy to drop you off right here'.

Does the trick!

Tiredandsleepie · 08/11/2023 20:33

If he's shouting go go go you must be a really really dire (not safe not cautious) but bad driver

A selfish driver I think is one who holds up the rest of the traffic behind them because they can not drive properly

Please don't drive when people are trying to get to work in the mornings or evenings

Spare the rest of us

And for the love of god please stay in the slow lane