To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

[Yomuma]

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

I hate impatience from passengers or others in different vehicles, they're not driving, nor supervising. They're not going to take responsibility and aren't even in the exact same position to assess risk (and tbf some of us don't like the car lurching around because an idiot driver does everything at maximum revs and inevitably brakes hard as well). Over confidence is also a (big) thing, cars can let you down when you're relying on maximum rather than general performance

But he’s happy to be driven. I am never a passenger with someone whose driving I don’t feel comfortable with. So I think we can assume OP is a competent driver and her husband is a rude prick. I wouldn’t drive him anywhere.

Somebody likes Supernatural? 😍

Your husband is being very rude. And shouting at a nervous driver is never going to help. Tell him that unless he stops offering unwanted advice you won't be driving him anywhere in future.

Are you married to my husband's twin, OP? Or my father's brother? I think this is a male problem, and it drives me (quietly) mad. I have been driving without an accident for the past 25 years (including abroad on the 'wrong' side of the road) and am a confident and competent driver, yet they still tell me when it's safe to pull out of a junction 😬

Just ignore him. It takes practice but it works. I got honked at by a huge lorry driver behind me at a roundabout yesterday. I only realised when I was halfway round the roundabout. Let them get hot and bothered!

So annoying. And wrong. You need to judge what's safe for yourself as the driver OP. No one else can do that for you.

My husband can be pretty bloody annoying too. We have a tricky turn out of our lane and the visibility isn't great. If he's in the passenger seat (with a better view) he will shout "Clear- go now!" but I always have to glance over and check for myself as I'm pulling out. He sometimes objects and says I should just "trust him" but I disagree totally.

Similarly with him urging me to overtake on a country road when I don't feel confident. It was lovely driving with two women friends recently .. we got stuck behind a slow truck and I was apologising for not overtaking but they said absolutely no problem and just to relax and not worry about it. Very different approaches.

I will stick to my guns and refuse to do anything I don't feel is safe but could just do nicely without the unsolicited advice.

Back seat driver
Full time fucker

I’ll give encouragement of “Go! Go! Go!” to DW during an overtake sometimes to get her to make full use of the performance available, at which point she buries the throttle 🤣

That's where I got my rules on who chooses the music in the car! Those rules also involve cake holes

He is being EXTREMELY unreasonable
Passenger shuts up and manages the music - themselves the rules

I once pulled over with a Passenger like this & told them to get out and drove off & left them there - it was a crap relationship for many reasons

My DW does sometimes this.

But at other times, often on motorways, will wake up and tell me I’m catching up on the car in front too quickly. Usually I’m 25 m behind and/or going to overtake.

The other one….. telling me to overtake cyclists - because of the other cars behind. This has caused cross words. I’m more in favour of not killing cyclists that causing others to wait. I overtake when I, as a cyclist, would be ok with being overtaken.

Not quite got to the stage of stopping and swapping sides but there are times when driving by myself is less stressful.

My mum, 91, 1 eye just about OK, the other on 10% vision, dementia will give me instructions at junctions.

Passenger does not touch the music...

He could fuck off to the far side of fuck and fuck off some more and never get in the car with me again if he did this even once.

Love it 😃

Or you could just learn to drive properly. There may be a compromise in there but the Highway Code suggests not.

☝ This

The driver takes responsibility for the driving. It would be no defence in court to say "my husband told me to go" if you had an accident. You know your capabilities better than anyone, so drive in a way that you feel is safe. And you passed your test, so you have been assessed as competent. His behaviour will 100% create stress and stress impairs your decision making

It also impairs your relationship. He needs to chill - perhaps he can play yellow car bash to keep his mind calm

He is being very unreasonable and also very dangerous. The one doing the driving makes the decisions.

My DH did this to me too many times. I now don't drive as I had a panic attack taking our cat 5 minutes up the road to the vet.

Please get him to stop now before it makes you like I am

Some people just can't help themselves with giving instructions.

My 13 yo backseat drives....fortunately dh has more of a self preservation instinct and wouldn't dream of saying anything other than 'thank you for driving me'.

He drives or he is a silent passenger.

What he's doing is dangerous and arsehole behaviour.

I wouldn't tolerate that from anyone.

I hate back seat drivers.
My Dad is one (medically can no longer drive) and 'drives' my mother to distraction. I rarely drove him - only when he was banned for speeding, he knew fine well not to say a word

Next time he does it pull over when it’s safe and get out. Make him drive the rest of the way. Do this every single time.

THIS!

I've also experienced a shouting Back Seat driver, in the Front seat, from time to time and although I sometimes doubt myself, It's a roundabout not the bloody Grand National.

The person's attention is so focused on hurrying up, I don't believe they can be assessing the road properly anyway.

Funnily enough, "The Big I Am" is the one with speeding points on their license not me!

The entire area where they live is now a 20-mile-an-hour zone, I laughed like a drain when I heard them complaining about it.

My partner is usually too slow for my liking and so indecisive when picking parking space, it gives me internal rage.
However all my thoughts always stay in my head when I’m sat with big happy smile on my face. I’m grateful I don’t have to drive, therefore keeping my mouth shut - simple