Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

[Mysticcatmum]

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

Gold medals for that mental gymnastics with dying daughter just to not have to admit you didn't fully get OP.

Also love how we can’t possibly know for sure if colleagues raised OP’s childlessness despite her saying they did, but we can definitely infer that at least one of the colleagues was fearful of asking her to swap despite them having a terminally ill child. For… some reason.

@fitzwilliamdarcy tgeyre not quotation marks. Why can’t the OP just clarify what was actually said? Most likely cos it wasn’t said

Probably because she knows you’d just find another reason to call her unreasonable, @Eggybrains.

It’s only you that’s insistent that it wasn’t said, despite the OP’s clear use of distinguishing speech marks.

‘OP’s colleagues are going to be too fearful to ask her to swap in future!’

One can only hope.

They’re not imaginary scenarios. The first is what I think is likely reality, cos the OP is refusing to confirm if anyone actually said “you must work my Christmas shift cos you don’t have children”. I think that is unlikely. I think they just asked her if she’d be willing to swap, which is actually the first scenario.

the second could be the perspective of her colleague, but as someone has correctly pointed out, other people’s lives are not something that needs to be shared with colleagues. From the OPs perspective, she was just asked for a swap, and then comes on here bitching about this colleague-which could be colleague with terminally ill daughter.

its reasonable to ask for swaps.

if the OP ever confirms that her colleagues said “you need to work christmas cos I have kids and you don’t” which is what has been interpreted from this, could you please tag me. I suspect she won’t because I suspect it didn’t happen. Her colleagues just asked if she’d be willing to swap, to which she just needed to say “no” and save herself a trip to mumsnet. Otherwise, I’m off for other life events.

The first is what I think is likely reality, cos the OP is refusing to confirm if anyone actually said “you must work my Christmas shift cos you don’t have children”. I think that is unlikely

Why do you think it's unlikely?

I’d not work somewhere where colleagues cared so little about each other they’d not ask for swaps

Because I don’t think people are that dick-like. But if I’m wrong, and the OP works in such a place, please can she confirm. Her silence suggests to me no one said this, it was just her impression of what they were thinking which is different.

So are you saying that everyone putting their experience of being told exactly that here are lying? Are you suggesting that the pisters here saying people should give up Christmas for parents and it's selfish not to actually don't exist?

What are you basing your "I don't believe this happens" on?

Why can’t the OP just say that then? I can see why you have interpreted the sentence the way you have but it isn’t clear from the way she has structured her post what was actually said

She did. You’re the only one in 31 pages suggesting that it’s unclear.

No, I don’t think she is lying. I think it’s not clear what has actually been said and what she thinks people think. She thinks people reckon parents should have priority to get Christmas Day off. Maybe they do think that. Did they actually say it though.

the fact that she’s not come back to confirm what was actually said makes me think this has been misrepresented.

I reckon what was said was something like, “hi Jo, I see you’re not working christmas but are working new year. Would you like to swap?”
Some people prefer to work christmas than new year. Often those people might be childless - there are some stages of life where celebrating new year is important. It’s never been to me, but it is to some.
what has been represented “hi Jo, you need to work my Christmas Day shift because I have children and you don’t.” If someone actually said this, I agree this is horrible.

Then don’t 🙂 Spare the rest of us. I don’t work in a job where this is an issue, thankfully, but in the event that I did you can bet your ass I absolutely would be far more appreciative of colleagues not bothering me with this shit.

Context matters. They’re not throwing out a ‘hey, anyone want to swap?’ to parents and the childfree alike, they’re specifically asking OP to swap because she doesn’t have children, demonstrating a clear belief in their part that they have a greater entitlement to Christmas off. If someone wants to swap and take an undesirable shift, then have the grace to wait for them to offer. If they don’t, go ahead and assume you’re working your assigned shifts.

They presumably knew they would be expected to work some christmases when they decided to work there, it would be behoove them to suck it up and take their turn.

You’ve read all 31 pages? Wow, 🙌

Why won’t she confirm? What is written is ambiguous.

It is a good idea to read a thread before commenting so one does not end up lookimg like a dummy🙈

They probably specifically asked OP because she could swap. Usually with rotas like this there are only a few people you actually can swap with because of consecutive hours etc, minimum rest periods, etc.. I would like to know what as actually said to OP, but she won’t confirm.

you say you’d like to not be bothered with swaps. That’s fine, but what about when you need a specific day off for a hospital appointment/ wedding/ funeral/ graduation/ holiday. Yes sometimes just booking leave is enough, but often it’s not, particularly with weekends and short notice things.

im not working new year. I’d love to work new year and then get a lieu day in the summer (or 2). But you say that no one should approach me to swap. It would work well for me, but more importantly I’d like to have happy colleagues doing the things they love outside of work, and if I can help with that, great. I’m not going to offer though - that’s just weird. I think you don’t know how these things work.

I didn't ask if you think she is lying.

I asked very clearly So are you saying that everyone putting their experience of being told exactly that here are lying?
In reply to your Because I don’t think people are that dick-like.

What page does the OP confirm what was actually said? The first post doesn’t.

She won’t be the only person with that shift off. I doubt it wasn’t a possibility to send a generalised email to all colleagues venturing a prospective shift swap. I have also witnessed people offering up their day off in the event someone wanted it.

Again, a ‘hey, X has occurred, is anyone available to swap by any chance?’ would be sufficient in any of the above listed examples. That said, christmas happens yearly. It is not an unexpected occasion when someone can reasonably be assumed to have been left scrambling for cover. What can be assumed is that someone is aware that they’re a parent AND working a job where they’ll be required to work some christmases.

You are of course free to consider the personal happiness of your colleagues in relation to the scheduling of undesirable shifts as much as you like. That doesn’t mean that everyone has to accept it as something necessary to consider.

Yep. First posted on p.6. Been reading ever since.

She doesn’t answer to you. You’re the only one struggling with it, so perhaps think on that.

At the end of the day, I am happy to infer that you have an agenda here, because:

• you think the OP is unclear about whether or not her childlessness was referred to, because although she used clear speech marks, she didn’t use proper grammatical quotation marks
• you don’t believe that parents ask childless people to swap Xmas because they’re childless, despite many posters on the thread saying that they’ve experienced that exact thing
• you objected to the strong vote response supporting the OP and rephrased the thread from the parent’s perspective using the most emotionally loaded hypothetical scenario you could think of to make her look the most unreasonable

The purpose of this is beyond me, but there we are.

Just caught up with the last few pages and my brain really hurts now. Someone's writing some entertaining fiction and supposition, though. More like ScrambledEggBrains.

So it’s not appropriate for OP ask a totally reasonable, respectful question on an anonymous forum about anonymous people but it’s totally appropriate for you to continuously imply OP is a bitch?

And instead of people needing to be kind to someone who has worked several Xmas Days, your advice is OP needs to grow a pair? Do you not see that YOU are inappropriate?

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

No she won’t be the only one with that shift off. But, we don’t know if the colleagues had asked others. Also, when I recently wanted a swap for a wedding the rota person could only identify one swap that might work - and it involved a three way swap. Maybe it’s not as tight where the OP is, but sometimes, like with me, it is.

of course you’ll need to work some Christmas’ in these sorts of jobs. Doesn’t mean it’s unreasonable to ask for a swap.

what is unreasonable is to expect it. We’ve still not heard back from OP what was actually said.