Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

[Mysticcatmum]

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

So how many times did you swap shifts as a childfree woman with someone who wanted Xmas Day off to spend time with her kids?

@wesurecouldstandgladioli I didn’t need to swap because I volunteered to work every Christmas and New Year before I had children.

On the flip side, you get a lieu day for it, so it’s not all bad.

I did it because I’d rather people with young children had Christmas off. That’s not to say I think that they are entitled to it. They’re not. But they’re also allowed to ask for a swap for any day. Anyone is.

I now volunteer to work New Year and that works well usually although that doesn’t mean I think I’m entitled to Christmas Day off.

it’s not clear what the colleagues said to the OP, but it sounds to me like she’s trying to make them out to be unreasonable when they never said they expected her to work because she doesn’t have children.

From OP. It's very clear to anyone who has ever been in that situation OP is not implied to justify post on MN.
Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

It's very clear however, that you are making it into "she just made that up so she could go bitch on MN"

So how many times did you swap shifts as a childfree woman with someone who wanted Xmas Day off to spend time with her kids?

Stupid point. PP might not be in a job requiring Christmas working or might never have been asked.

But OP has also worked Xmas Day for years.

And instead of her colleagues being grateful, and saying 'Mystic, you deserve to have this year off', they're expecting her to work again.

So how do you make out the OP to be a bitch and the colleagues unfairly maligned angels?

Stupid post. Read the thread.

@Eggybrains So you’re another one of those who says “I’d be kind and swap with someone who needed it” when they really mean “before I had kids I swapped for parents but now I’m a parent I don’t do swaps”.

(Not all childless people want NY off, either. Because we’re not all 21.)

@wesurecouldstandgladioli theyre not “expecting” her to work. They’re asking if she’d be willing to swap, that’s different.

If a colleague says “could you work next Saturday for me, please?” That’s not expecting me to work then. They’re asking if it’s convenient. If it is, I’ll do it. If it’s not I’ll say “no, sorry.” And move on. Not bitch on mumsnet about it.

I didn’t say her colleagues were angels. I don’t know them. But I don’t think it puts any stain on their character by asking the OP if she wants to swap.

Bitchinb about your colleagues on mumsnet because they asked for a swap, does put a stain on the OPs character. They asked her to swap. They didn’t say that they were entitled as is suggested by the OP.

Id be so sad if my colleagues missed out on important life stuff because they were too afraid to ask me for a swap. Maybe because they were afraid I’d behave like the OP.

They're not afriad to ask though. They've asked someone who has worked Xmas EVERY YEAR to work again. So they DO expect it. So if you're calling anyone out for bitchy behaviour it should be these people.

@fitzwilliamdarcy nope, I do swaps all the time.

I just volunteered to do both Christmas and New Year before I had kids so no swaps were required. I now volunteer for New Year, which works well because some people prefer to have New Year off and work Christmas. If someone approached me about swapping so I worked Christmas I’d definitely consider it and may well do it. I’d definitely not bitch on mumsnet about being asked and would be glad my colleagues felt able to ask. Nobody has yet asked me to swap in to Christmas, but usually enough people in my department, which thankfully doesn’t include OP, volunteer to work Christmas. Christmas is a hard time of year for some and some would rather work. Some already choose to celebrate it Boxing Day. Some are separated and would rather be distracted if their child is at other parent for Christmas Day. All sorts of reasons, but I’d not think it unreasonable at all if someone asked me to swap any day.

@Eggybrains Ah, now I get why you’re so adamant to argue that the OP’s colleagues didn’t say “cos you don’t have kids” - because it’s the very thing that turns “can you swap with me?” imho entitlement.

”Can you swap with me next Saturday?” is very different to “Can you swap with me on Christmas Day? I have kids and you don’t”.

And yes, people really do say it. Sometimes it gets said after the first (or fourth) no. But it does get said. Hell, I have two colleagues who’ve reported me to HR for discriminating against them as mothers by refusing to swap so I can have my first Xmas off in 8 years.

But sure, you know better because you swapped with parents for a few years before having kids.

@wesurecouldstandgladioli theyll be scared to ask if they know of OPs behaviour if she behaved like this in public.

They may not know she worked every year, they may not know if she chose to work those times. It doesn’t really matter. The OP doesn’t need to justify not working this year. Even if she hadn’t worked every year that doesn’t mean she’s obliged to swap. Totally fine for her to say “no”, whatever the circumstances. But it’s also totally fine for her colleagues to ask the question.

Im not working new year this year. If someone asked me if I’d swap to work new year, I’d say “yes please” so I can take an extra day of holiday in the summer. Why can’t they ask me the question?

I think eggy is trolling us a bit

@fitzwilliamdarcy the Saturday example is cos it’s closer and happens to me not infrequently.

Im not arguing the OPs colleagues didn’t say “cos you don’t have kids”. And I’m not doing it for the reasons you say, if I understand you correctly. I’m asking the OP if that’s what was actually said, or if she just felt it was implied, cos it’s not clear and she hasn’t clarified.

A feeling of entitlement is not on in these circumstances.

a request is different. I’d not feel hard done by at all if a colleague asked to swap Christmas Day with me, so arguing this is so different to swapping Saturday isn’t valid.

I never swapped with parents before having kids - no idea where you got that idea from.

im sorry you’ve had a bad time with your colleagues. It sounds like you’ve not been treated fairly by them. That isn’t the same as what the OP is describing though.

@Sauerkrautsandwich disagreeing you mean? Yup.

No. Twisting and stretching.

I mean like no one with half a brain thinks "Hey can you swap (ordinary) Sat with me instead of x I I need off?" is the same as "Can you cover Christmas since you don't have kids?". Therefore, I am sure you are just stirring.

Also ease up om the overuse of "bitching" it's kind of making you lose credibility even more

theyll be scared to ask if they know of OPs behaviour if she behaved like this in public.

Why are you equating sharing her feelings on an anonymous forum with 'behaving like this public'?

Totally fine for her to say “no”, whatever the circumstances. But it’s also totally fine for her colleagues to ask the question.

This question has been answered to death. Not everyone is confident enough to say no. Some people can feel pressured and bullied into saying yes, especially when MULTIPLE people have asked OP. Which is why it's unacceptable to ask OP. They need to speak to their manager!

@Sauerkrautsandwich ive already explained why I said Saturday. I’d feel exactly the same about someone asking to swap Saturday and Christmas Day with me.

youve put “since you don’t have kids” in and totally changed this. If this is about what someone has said to you, start your own thread. The OP has never confirmed that anyone said this to her. Someone has asked her for a swap. She’s somehow equated this to entitlement which it isn’t - a swap request is just that - a request - you can say no.

she’s never said someone said that they were entitled to get her to work their shift which seems to be what you’re claiming.

as for “credibility”, not sure why you think I’m losing credibility. You’re the one making stuff up. She is bitching. What do you think bitching is?

OP has posted nothing which suggests her behaviour is at fault. She's understandably annoyed that non-parental status is being used for consecutive years as an excuse to put her last on the the list of priorities. Nor is there any particular reason why anyone's personal circumstances need to be the public property of every colleague in the business. People are entitled to some privacy.

And colleagues should not be putting this pressure on their peers. If there's a good reason why they can't fulfil their contractural obligations then this should be discussed with a line manager, instead of reverting to the default option of foisting that responsibility onto the nearest available child-free colleague.

The voting ratio is unusually unanimous. 96% of those who voted don't think the OP is being unreasonable.

As, indeed, she's not. But on every thread it's inevitable that someone will appear to give OPs a good old kicking. It's as tedious as it's predicable.

@wesurecouldstandgladioli
”Why are you equating sharing her feelings on an anonymous forum with 'behaving like this public'?” Because the nah oOur isn’t appropriate from the OP wherever she does it. It’s absolutely reasonable for people to request swaps.

”This question has been answered to death. Not everyone is confident enough to say no. Some people can feel pressured and bullied into saying yes, especially when MULTIPLE people have asked OP. Which is why it's unacceptable to ask OP. They need to speak to their manager! Edited” Then the OP needs to grow a pair. Why could you not say no to a swap that doesn’t work for you? Do you actually work in a job where swaps happen? If the OP feels bullied, that’s different, but asking “would it be convenient to swap, please?” Isn’t bullying. Ffs.

I didn't put it in, it's literally in OP!

Ok for the sake of clarity, it's paraphares from op where she said "since I don't have kids".

OP: “Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.”

@Eggybrains: “But how do we know if they said it?”

Everyone else: “Because OP says they did. Using quotation marks.”

@Eggybrains: “No no I think there’s some uncertainty here. It may have been just inferred and not said.”

Everyone else: “But the quotation marks,”

@Eggybrains: “So the colleagues aren’t being unreasonable, OP is!”

💀

Nothing wrong with the OP not wanting to swap.

The outcome of the poll was entirely inevitable given how it was phrased. I agree that the OP shouldn’t be expected to swap cos she doesn’t have children.

What I don’t think is appropriate behaviour is bitching about your colleagues because they dared to ask you to swap. I want to make my colleagues lives as nice as possible. And want them to ask to swap if they want a swap.

Youre right. Her colleagues shouldn’t be pressuring her, but as far as I can tell, they weren’t. They just asked the question.

you’re also right that people are entitled to privacy and she doesn’t need to justify not working Christmas Day. That doesn’t mean people can’t ask the question. To be outraged that someone asked the question however is not appropriate.

if the poll was rephrased as:
”I’m not working Christmas Day this year. Woohoo! My colleagues are awful and asked if I’d swap with them. I now think I must go on mumsnet to tell everyone how awful they are. AIBU”

or
“I work with Jo. She’s not working Christmas. My daughter is terminally ill and I think this might be her last Christmas. I didn’t want to share this with her but asked if she might be willing to swap. I didn’t say why or that I thought she was required to, but I just asked if it might be convenient for her. She might like the lieu days back for a longer holiday or time off at new year. She said no and then went online and said I was an awful colleague and I felt entitled. I never said this. I just asked if she might pls be willing to swap. I’m upset at Jos behaviour. AIBU?”

the responses might be different.

@Eggybrains You’re literally just making up imaginary scenarios so you can say the OP is being unreasonable. Neither of those is remotely similar to OP’s situation and therefore the vote results are irrelevant.

It’s not in quotation marks, which is why I asked the OP to clarify. She hasn’t which makes me think that it wasn’t actually said, but she thought that colleagues felt this. What is said and what she thinks they think is different.

OP, I’ll ask again, did your colleagues say “you should swap with me and work Christmas Day because I have children and you don’t?”

@Sauerkrautsandwich if the OP doesn’t confirm this, will you agree with me that the OPs outrage is not appropriate?

if her colleagues did say that, I agree her colleagues are dicks and I don’t see why she’d need mumsnet to confirm that