Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

[Mysticcatmum]

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

Im not struggling with the not answering. I think shes not answering because what she implied was said wasn’t said. She put a partial sentence in marks rather than a full sentence presumably because they didn’t say she should swap because she didn’t have children.

I don’t object to the strong vote I just think the way it was phrased was entirely predictable. It’s like “some nasty piece of shit stabbed a child. Do you think that was wrong?”

of course it’s wrong to expect not to work christmas because you have children. I don’t disagree. I just don’t think it’s likely her colleagues said that.

Just a reminder you didn't answer this. Since you are still so sure it's unlikely OP's colleagues said that, which is implying you not believing this is actually quite a regular occurence at Christmas.
Stop the mental gymnastics about dying/injured kids. Very crass tbh

If the OP feels “bullied” because someone asked her if she’d like to swap a shift, then yes, she needs to grow a pair.

but then again, she never said that, you did.

this is all mental. You’re assuming more and more things and all this would just be resolved if the OP would confirm what was said. But she won’t, because her colleagues probably didn’t say what you think they did. They probably just said “hi, I’m working Christmas and you’re not. I’m not sure your plans for Christmas but wondered if you might like to swap for another day of your choice?” … “no? No worries, have a great Christmas”.

“I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant”.

Parklife!

So this happened to you, not the OP, right? If this happened to you, that someone said “you should work Christmas Day for me because I have children and you don’t” - that’s not on, and yes, they’re being a dick. I’m sorry for you.

this isn’t your thread though. It’s the OPs and the fact she’s not stated what was actually said makes me think she has misrepresented it.

im genuinely sorry for you if you’ve experienced the above.

You really should read through the thread. So again.

You said
The first is what I think is likely reality, cos the OP is refusing to confirm if anyone actually said “you must work my Christmas shift cos you don’t have children”. I think that is unlikely

I asked
Why do you think it's unlikely?

You said
Because I don’t think people are that dick-like. But if I’m wrong, and the OP works in such a place, please can she confirm. Her silence suggests to me no one said this, it was just her impression of what they were thinking which is different.

That implies you don't think people actually do the dickish thing. The dickish thing many on thread confirmed happens regularly. So I asked:

So are you saying that everyone putting their experience of being told exactly that here are lying? Are you suggesting that the pisters here saying people should give up Christmas for parents and it's selfish not to actually don't exist?
What are you basing your "I don't believe this happens" on?

You still have not answered.
Why do you think it is so unlikely?

I think it's unlikely because of my experience of people. I believe it happened to you if you told me it did. I would believe it happened to OP if she confirmed what was actually said which she hasn't, which also adds to my suspicion that it didn't happen how you think it did - so that is partly why I think it is unlikely.

I also think it is unlikely because of my experiences of people. You have an experience where this has happened and I am sorry for you. That doesn't mean it is common. Sometimes someone murders a colleague. Just because someone says "I knew someone who was murdered by a colleague" doesn't mean this is common place. So that is why I think it unlikely.

1. The OP has not confirmed what was actually said, despite being asked
2. My experience of working in jobs where 24/7 cover is required is that people don't say "you need to work Christmas Day cos I have kids and you don't". I've never, ever heard anyone saying that. That doesn't mean it is never said, but I do not think it is common
3. There is no objective, verified evidence available as to if this is common practice or not

Is this satisfactory? Could you please just let me know if the OP confirms what was said? Cos I think it is highly unlikely someone said "you need to work Christmas Day cos I have kids and you don't".

They probably just said “hi, I’m working Christmas and you’re not. I’m not sure your plans for Christmas but wondered if you might like to swap for another day of your choice?” … “no? No worries, have a great Christmas”.

lmao yeah of course. And of course in this hypothetical scenario, OP would start a thread saying they’d told her it was because she was childless that they were asking. Because that seems way more likely than believing what the OP clearly stated in her own opening post.

We get it - you want the OP to be unreasonable ao you’re making stuff up. You can stop now.

So all these people on here confirming this is common occurence are lying?

Op confirmed that was said in her post. Even people with English as a second, third + language are getting it.

I am starting to think you are just pulling our legs here

This could be a fun way to MN though.

OP: My husband got really annoyed and told me to stop practising my violin today as ‘you’re not very good at it’. AIBU to be upset?

Me: I know loads of husbands and none of them would say that to their wives, and also I think it’s dickish to object to music practice and people aren’t dicks. Are you sure he didn’t say “hi can you maybe take a break with your lovely playing so I can watch this TV show? No? Ok sorry my bad I’ll watch it in the spare room.” Unless you confirm he definitely said what you think he said then I WILL go on at length making up imaginary scenarios to cast doubt on you for reasons best known to me.

Nope - I’m exhausted just typing that.

I believe that the OPs post could be interpreted both ways. As I said, if she comes back to confirm your interpretation, pls do let me know, otherwise this is just very boring. I don't believe she will because I think she has manipulated what was actually said to make it come across in the way in which you have interpreted it. And she would not want to admit that.

Tbf similar does happen here sometimes😂

I have to give top marks for the mental gymnastics though. Throwing parents of gravely ill children being scared to ask for swap was top notch.

No, I don't think you're lying. As I said, people can give anecdotal experiences of rare occurences. This doesn't make it common place.

As I said, if she comes back to confirm your interpretation, pls do let me know, otherwise this is just very boring. I don't believe she will because I think she has manipulated what was actually said to make it come across in the way in which you have interpreted it. And she would not want to admit that.

She doesn't need to confirm your (in my opinion pretended) lack of reading comprehension. 100 posters understanding can kind of give a hint to the one who doesn't that they are wrong...

So it's "rare occurences" now. Ok. So rare it's been discussed in last decade everywhere including major newspapers. So rare they even wasted time to write academic papers about it! 😱 Dummies tsk

@Sauerkrautsandwich "being scared to ask for swap was top notch." - it was someone else - can't remember who now - who suggested being asked to swap would make the OP feel "bullied". FFS

Sorry? Yes, on rare occasions, people do outrageous and unacceptable things.

There's academic papers saying that people expect their colleagues without children to work Christmas Day, if they have children? Could you please provide the reference?

The post has been interpreted most commonly in this way because of how it is written. In my view it is written to manipulate people in to interpreting the way that you have, rather than what has actually been written and what genuinely occured. Which the OP hasn't confirmed, probably because nobody said, "you need to work Christmas Day cos I have kids and you don't".

As I said, if OP comes back to confirm your interpretation, pls do let me know, otherwise this is just very boring. I don't believe she will because I think she has manipulated what was actually said to make it come across in the way in which you have interpreted it. And she would not want to admit that.

You siad people might be scared to ask to swap
😂 it's there, right there.

Admittedly I mixed in with dying child or so not witj coming onyo MN, but that's because this thread is now 5* mindfuck, in my defence😂

I did say that I would want me colleagues to feel able to ask me for a swap without expecting me to bitch about it on mumsnet. Or anywhere, because it's totally reasonable to request a swap.

I was somebody else, not me, was it you? who said that the OP might feel bullied by being requested to swap which is so weird and presumably comes from a load of people who work 9-5 M-F jobs

Mate, general AL and holiday leave has been diacussed for decades when it comes to favouring some.

Since you are smarter than all of us gullible dummies here who obviously fell for OP's mind tricks, unlike you, I trust you can find papers on childfree "discrimination" in workplaces including AL and holidays.

I give up. I said nothing about bullying😂 You even quoted my sentence there 😶
I siad
Being scared to ask for
Not
Being scared TO BE asked for

No wonder you don't get the op

Here are a couple of articles / studies by reputable institutions; all of them make clear that parents are treated more leniently in the workplace and that polices favor parents. By contrast there are NO policies that only benefit the childfree.

https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/people-managers/pages/childless-workers.aspx

https://www.fastcompany.com/90564837/we-need-to-talk-about-the-bias-against-childfree-employees

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13668803.2022.2099247
Stereotypical ideas of employees without children help to maintain parent-focused work-life balance policies and practices. In many contexts, individuals without children are viewed as ‘childless’, suggesting an absence of something that is naturally expected, thereby going against gendered norms of womanhood (Verniers, Citation2020) and social norms of parenthood (Ashburn-Nardo, Citation2017).

You seem incredibly invested Are you one of the OPs colleugues cos this reads like someone trying to prove that they didnt ask her to swap.

Thanks @LaurieStrode appreciate your time linking them

Thank you, @Sauerkrautsandwich there are numerous others; I'll try to link later when time permits.

the bottom line from an interpersonal standpoint is that it's ALWAYS rude to put others on the spot for one's personal gain. Eyeballing someone else's work assignments with a view toward leveraging them to one's own personal benefit is selfish and obnoxious. Don't want to work Christmas? Take it up with management or find a different line of work. Don't pester co-workers.

As a child free health care professional I'll tell them to stick their entitlement up their arse