If you are autistic do people often not answer the question you are asking but give a more generalised answer?

[Hotandsunny]

Just a thought that came to mind. I often find when I ask people questions about something very specific they don't seem to get it and just give you a general answer. I don't know what it is. But I have oftenish been in a situation where people just don't seem to understand what you are asking. So I was wondering if it was an autistic thing.

The example from today was I was doing a school appeal and the school had sent a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence that the school was full. I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full.

I say you haven't answered my question and ask again and get the same reply. A member of the panel says to me I just don't like the reply I'm getting. I don't, because it doesn't answer my question.

This isn't an isolated incident by a long shot.

They understood but they didn't want to give you that information.

But to answer your question - yes, some people do give a general answer when I ask something specific. ( I'm not autistic, as far as I know).

They understand what you’re asking but they view the questions as irrelevant: as far as they’re concerned they’ve told you the school doesn’t have the capacity to accept your DC. What rooms the sixth form uses is immaterial to that and they’re not willing to get into an argument with you over it.

Yes, people often answer questions in general terms, though I don’t have a problem with it particularly.

Frequently. They answer what they think you are implying by asking that question, rather than just answer the question.
And they think we're the weird ones 🙄

I think in the school example above it is happening on purpose as they do not wish to get involved in a detailed debate and by not answering your specific questions they are attempting to shut you down with a blanket "no".

Nothing to do with autism.

I agree, I think they just didn't want to get into it any further with you.

Yes, they do, and I find it infuriating, which is why I've developed a reputation for being really pedantic when the reality is that I'm just very, very succinct and precise with the language I use so that my questions can not be misunderstood or misinterpreted, and I don't hesitate to interrupt and point out "that is not what I asked, now again, what about xxx specifically?".

I think it's a huge part of the reason autistic people get a reputation for being pedantic. We are not, NT people are commonly prone to being wishy-washy and imprecise.

My sister does this regularly! I find it infuriating! Eg. I'll ask "what time are we going out?" And she'll say "DH is getting home at 6" and I'll say that doesn't answer the question (are we going out the second her DH is getting home? Are we having a cuppa while he gets changed and ready? Is anyone else coming here first? Have you booked a table for a particular time? I don't know!!!)

Or I'll say "where shall we go for dinner?" And she'll reply "I had quite a big lunch" (That doesn't answer the question!!!!)

I have dozens of these examples and they make me loopy. I don't think it is to do with autism though, just a difference in communication styles.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. My partner does it and it drives me berserk. If I'm feeling particularly prickly I'll lose it and give it "That isn't what I asked, now will you just answer the actual question I did effing well ask?". 😝

I would say in your sisters case she is starting a conversation - so you ask where you are going for dinner and she says she had a big lunch so you would then say ‘so shall we go to the ‘light food’ place and she says probably but I really fancy Indian food etc

it’s a different form of communication

on the OP - not all questions deserve an answer and no one owes you an answer so when they answer the way you suggest, they are just trying to shut things down because they don’t want to continue that conversation (not necessarily your example though - generally)

I understand what you are asking, but when you want to get a child into year 7 it doesn’t matter how big the 6th form room is. People don’t answer questions that are irrelevant.

It’s like if you asked me if you could have a lift somewhere and said that you couldn’t because the car was full, and then you asked what colour my car is. It doesn’t matter to the problem in hand so why would I answer.

So it's a way to try and avoid answering?

This happens to everyone. I don’t think it’s an indicator of autism in and of itself. However, the way you react or follow up when you get a response like that is more likely to be. There’s often an implied part of a response that deliberately doesn’t directly answer a question.

No - it’s a way of saying your question is irrelevant and doesn’t need to be answered

All of the time! I remember once asking my broadband service provider why I was charged more than agreed on my first bill , they kept repeating that it was a one off charge. I kept asking what it was covering and they couldn't/wouldn't answer. They refunded me to shut me up , so whatever I was doing worked! In general though this happens a lot , I am used to seeing the shocked faces of people that hardly ever get asked direct questions that have no hidden meaning.

In this situation I think a general answer is acceptable. Listing what each room is used for would be both a waste of her time and a pointless exercise. The year is full. It doesn't matter which room is used for English and maths etc
My adult autistic son often asks me very specific questions that are pointless. Nothing that is going to gain any knowledge (I'll always find out how many dogs there are in the UK for example, because we are both information nerds) More things specific to his/our situations that are hard to answer and won't help. He gets very annoyed when I am vague. Even if I say "I dont know" he cant accept that and asks me to guess. But some questions just don't have an easy answer. I think perhaps it's an autistic issue around not getting the answer you want/a specific answer. Rather than a people being too general/vague problem.

My parents did this
drives me nuts

I have been asked if I am autistic
I'm not. I just like clear communication.

OP in this case they don't want to answer and it might be irrelevant actually, but I'd say that in a polite way.

In most cases, yes

in this particular case, it may be the questions you asked are irrelevant in terms of permitted student numbers.

I'm not autistic but I am neurodiverse and get frustrated when people don't answer the bloody question.

Example: What time are we leaving?

"Well, I've got to wash my hair and dry it and then Fred might want a lie in, he can get up anytime between 7 and 10, I dunno. He might want to go to the gym. And then Theo has a nap mid morning ish so best bet might be sometime after coffee but before lunch."

Is it that hard to just say 12 or whatever?

Is there anything in particular I can make for dinner, I need an idea for what to cook?

"I've been really off my food recently. I don't want anything with pork or creamy and I can't stand rice at the moment. I just feel really sick and everything is turning my stomach. Something small but filling. I'm off chicken. And beef. And fish. Nothing with gravy. So whatever you feel like making?

I end up feeling more stressed and for some reason saying, "Please just tell me exactly what I can make you that you'll eat.' either still doesn't get an answer or gets an upset/angry answer.

All that being said, I have also skirted around giving direct answers when people ask me questions I am not comfortable with. For example, strangers (usually men) who want to know exactly where I live...saying the town doesn't seem enough, they want to know what street. I'm not telling a stranger that. I'll say "near Big Sainsbury's" or "not far from the ambulance station" rather than "Oak Park Lane".

I think in your case, the answer seems irrelevant and unnecessarily time consuming for staff when you are appealing for a Year Seven place. Schools are busy, timetabling and room booking is a nightmarish jigsaw puzzle that could fall apart with the slightest change. From their perspective, it's a strange question and won't affect their decision.

I don’t think this is specifically linked to your autism. Unless a part of your autism means that you think of things that need a complex response more often than most nt people do, so you notice it more? I’m nd but not autistic, and this has always frustrated me. My dad is the worst for it and it drives me mad! I think some people have a hard time admitting they don’t know something, so will just say something that they do know that is (semi) related to your question, rather than say “I don’t know”.
With people close to me, I can’t help but say “so you don’t know then?” But obviously that’s not always an acceptable thing to say! So you just have to acknowledge privately that the person doesn’t get it and move on! X

in a social setting, as with the sister, it can sometimes be frustrating when you always have to come up with an answer so sometimes it might be a brush off because they’re really thinking ‘why do you always ask - why can’t you suggest?’

human communication is complex and different people act on different ways - no way is wrong or right and showing tolerance is often the best approach

But part of the process is that parents can ask questions. If they don't want to answer questions then why ask parents to ask them? Also why would there be an argument if they answer the question that has been asked. Surely the argument comes when they refuse to answer a question asked of them at an official hearing?

What rooms sixth form used was not immaterial as the 6th form was 100 pupils undersubscribed. They had made their argument based on rooms so therefore I would have thought they could expect questions on this?

I think they swerve giving a proper answer for fear of not being politically correct sad days

Yes! And they almost start answering before you've finished! It's so weird!

OP "If they don't want to answer questions then why ask parents to ask them?"

it's good PR. Like places asking for feedback forms and never looking at them.

Just because you can ask a question doesn’t mean they have to answer though. They didn’t think it was a relevant question so they didn’t answer it