If you are autistic do people often not answer the question you are asking but give a more generalised answer?

[Hotandsunny]

Just a thought that came to mind. I often find when I ask people questions about something very specific they don't seem to get it and just give you a general answer. I don't know what it is. But I have oftenish been in a situation where people just don't seem to understand what you are asking. So I was wondering if it was an autistic thing.

The example from today was I was doing a school appeal and the school had sent a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence that the school was full. I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full.

I say you haven't answered my question and ask again and get the same reply. A member of the panel says to me I just don't like the reply I'm getting. I don't, because it doesn't answer my question.

This isn't an isolated incident by a long shot.

This still doesn’t make sense. If someone asked how much money you have and you don’t want to tell them, why wouldn’t just say it’s none of your business? Or ‘I’m not going to tell you that’ or, ‘ mind your own business’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about it’?

What is the benefit of being weird and vague about it? You are allowed to not discuss your finances- there is no need to worry about it.

I don't think they were in this case - they knew what you were asking but weren't willing to answer that question specifically.
(I'm not autistic but have experienced this kind of answer and it is frustrating, I agree).

I wouldn't worry about it all
My tone and look would indicate I wasn't discussing it and that I thought the person was very rude.
Not all communication is verbal

Not read the whole thread but I'm dyspraxic with ADHD and was told by an educational psychologist that I also exhibit 'obsessive behaviour' when I was a kid. I often feel the same way but I think it's because I analyse things to a much greater depth than most people and expect a much more specific/nuanced answer.

The rules for an appeal are that a school must provide the parents/panel with the information they require for the appeal.

But what information you think you require and what information they think you require may be very different.
To use the example of room size and use: if you are asking about rooms used by other years you may want (or they may think you want) to rearrange the whole school's timetable/room usage to make more room in Y7.
That is something they are definitely not going to be able to do.
For a primary school, maybe they could swap over two rooms if they are equivalent but the year groups are different, but for a secondary school even assuming the Y7s don't move around to different classrooms quite as much, a slight change to one year group would have a knock on effect to the rest of the school.
So as far as they are concerned you probably need to know the number in the Y7 group, possibly the size of the rooms Y7 use regularly, but they are not going to be able to move the sixth form to different rooms (think of how many options they will be doing!) so they aren't going to think you require that information.

Your question implied that they would be doing that and they probably thought it was intrusive/cheeky/not something they wanted to answer due to time taken even just to provide that.

So "the information you require for the appeal" isn't the same as "the information you want for the appeal".

Yeah, this thread is about communication with ND people and the tendency of NT people to not answer clear questions with clear answers, and to rely instead on their own opinion of what the person should have asked/was really asking/what they feel the person needs to know etc.

The point is that pulling a face and being cold doesn’t communicate anything to many ND people. There is little point sitting there feeling like your boundaries are being impinged upon and pulling a face and changing your tone- there is no reason not to just say “I am not going to answer that question”.

It doesn’t take long to say “I’m not going to provide that information about 6th form rooms because I don’t think it’s relevant”. It doesn’t really take long to say “yes, 6th formers do use the communal areas, but that doesn’t affect the space available for year 7”.

Im sure it took longer for them to go all round the houses avoiding the question and giving vague answers so @Hotandsunny ended up asking 10 clarifying questions.

Did I say I am NT ?
Bit of an assumption there!

The point is communication takes many forms and socially accepted customs vary from country/ culture.
I didn't say I would pull a face, my face would be serious and so would my tone.
I don't pull faces at people, I'm not a child.

In fact my reply was about boundaries and how people cross them, it was an example of boundary crossing when Op described it as her need/ right to get an answer.

I didn’t say you are NT- where did I write that? I said it’s a thread about how NT people often react to direct questions from ND people.

Im aware that communication takes many forms- I’m pointing out that many ND people don’t read expressions/tone/body language very well- therefore a clear answer is a better way of communicating with them. “I will not answer that question, I think it’s rude” is a perfectly valid, clear answer.

You implied it.

That I don't understand ND people.
However stating that ND people have one form of communication and NT people another is wrong.
It's incredibly variable and I think it's rude to say I'm not answering that question.
I'm ND and hypervigilant.
I can pick up the smallest elements of body language in humans and animals, it's like reading the words on a page for me.
It's not always a good thing!

The point is the Op is annoyed the teacher didn't answer her questions but no-one can control how others react.
Imho the teacher was simply trying to stop her talking!

I didn’t say or imply anything. And I’m fully aware that not all ND people don’t read tone/body language, which is why I said ‘some’ or ‘many’ before each time I said ND.

I don’t agree that saying you won’t answer a question is rude. You either will or you won’t.

don’t agree that saying you won’t answer a question is rude. You either will or you wont

I wasn't asking you to agree

But also I answered the question but it doesn't always mean you are going to get the answer you want.
Because for the 100th time , you cannot control other people's responses!

Well, I would say this now is a very identifiable thread, especially for anyone on any sort of SLT social media groups. You are about to start your child at a school where your opinions on their deputy head have been made pretty clear. I would probably consider making a request to have this taken down.

"Foibles of neuro typicals". I wouldn't dream of saying "foibles of Autistics".
I've worked out that their problem might be with your attitude.