If you are autistic do people often not answer the question you are asking but give a more generalised answer?

[Hotandsunny]

Just a thought that came to mind. I often find when I ask people questions about something very specific they don't seem to get it and just give you a general answer. I don't know what it is. But I have oftenish been in a situation where people just don't seem to understand what you are asking. So I was wondering if it was an autistic thing.

The example from today was I was doing a school appeal and the school had sent a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence that the school was full. I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full.

I say you haven't answered my question and ask again and get the same reply. A member of the panel says to me I just don't like the reply I'm getting. I don't, because it doesn't answer my question.

This isn't an isolated incident by a long shot.

People communicate using maxims of conversation that make it successful or unsuccessful. If one party believes the other is labouring an irrelevant point, the communication breaks down and becomes uncooperative on both sides.

The question about sixth form rooms is irrelevant, unless your child is joining a sixth form class. A smaller cohort does not necessarily mean fewer lessons or classrooms being used, whether there are 10 or 25 in an A Level Biology class they still need a classroom and a teacher for each lesson. Capacity in sixth form does not make space for a year 7, if all of the year 7 classes are full.

Perhaps, but I'm not trying to come to an agreement, I'm simply requesting a piece of salient information.

"What time are we" is a wholly different question to "what time shall we", which I would ask if I wanted to get into a discussion. Like I said, I'm very specific with language for good reason because I don't want to leave room for ambiguity. The problem is other people ignoring the unambiguous language and supplying information I didn't request in the first place.

I agree, they didn't answer your question because it isn't relevant. They've told you there is no space, end of. I imagine they really don't want to get into an argument about it. Why won't you just accept their decision?

It's nothing to do with you being autistic btw.

But if you ask ‘what time are we going out?’ Is it always clear cut that the time you are going out is the other persons responsibility?

They aren’t ignoring it. They just aren’t noticing it. For a NT person, although they are obviously aware that ‘when shall we’ and ‘when are we’ are grammatically slightly different, the two questions are the same in practical ways. They want to involve you in the decision, not dictate it.

They probably have a million and one other things to be doing and don't understandably want to gave you scrutinising their use of rooms. I'm not quite sure how you think the capacity of the sixth form room is relevant though?
Schools timetable different groups in different rooms according to capacity and year group they are nit going to re timetable tge entire school so its a complete non argument. Just because you want your child in the school doesn't mean you will be able berate them into it.
Maybe a backup plan is required:)

Yes, because that is a clear, unambiguous request for a specific piece of information, i.e. a time, so there's no reason to conclude it's a request to enter into a discussion.

"What time do you think we should go out at?" is a request to open up a discuission.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX
a) love your name on here
b) why aren’t you suggesting the time to go out? In this scenario why is it on your interlocutor? Why can’t you ask ‘why don’t we go out at 6?’ Rather than demanding they give a precise answer when they might feel you’re putting them on the spot. Idk, if you’re this direct I’d be worried you’d get annoyed with the answer I gave unless I showed my working, and would probably also think out loud 🤷

The point is there were no specific 6th form rooms. They used classrooms all over the school. I wouldn't have asked the question if it didn't matter.

So to explain simply

Some of the classrooms were smaller however they can be fully utilised by the small 6th form classes, by small SEND groups and small lower set classes.

They are avoiding answering that question, as they don’t want to go down the inevitable path where the answer to that question will lead. If those rooms were empty and they tell you that, they then have to have a pointless conversation about why year 7 is still, none the less, full (beyond rooms there is likely capped funding for forced intake/limited teacher budget/not room in the timetable etc). General answers or different answers are an attempt to direct or close down conversation - cues that NT would understand signal ‘this is now done’

Why do you want to know how the rooms are allocated, if not to challenge the way the school operates.
Surely you don’t want to know just for the sake of knowing ?

Well, honestly what's the point of an appeal if they can just avoid any questions by pretending they are irrelevant (or maybe they really believe it). I wonder what the teacher would have thought it if I said her questions to me were irrelevant.

bit Why is it their responsibility to decide? Why not you? So, shall we leave at 6? Or even, we should leave at 6.

what if it is their decision but they haven’t decided yet or they’re not sure?

human interactions can’t always be black and white

to respond to b) -

I probably sound a lot more like a tyrant than I am in reality. It's just a particular bugbear than when I ask a very simple, succinct, direct question that only ever requires a very succinct answer, people commonly go off on a tangent and provide a whole load of irrelevant information, and ultimately don't even answer what was a very straightforward and simple request 😄

I don't always leave every decision to everyone else. If I think it's perfectly appropriate for me to take the decision I'll say something along the lines of "I planned for us to leave at 6. Is that ok?", so again, there's an inherent invitation to discuss there, whereas when I say "what time are we leaving?" I'm implying that I don't particularly have any preference and I'm happy to do whatever the other party has decided.

I don't have a problem at all with "I haven't thought about it, what do you think?" as that's a perfectly reasonable response. It's the "well my mum usually gets home at 3 and feeds the cats......" FFS, I didn't ask about your mum or her bloody cats!!! 😂

I would imagine in this situation the school are required to allow an appeal as a matter of policy, however there is no reason that they would accept to actually allow the appeal to be successful, so they don’t want to waste time by giving you information you can use to argue your point with them, because they will then have to find another way to justify saying no.

I do exactly what your sister does because I am dreadful at making decisions and giving times, I get a kind of brain block about it.
So in those examples I'm looking for the other person to suggest a time/somewhere to eat which enables me to move on and have a conversation about it.

I doubt she'd have cared. You're the one demanding a service from her employer.

I have this problem with my autistic son. He'll ask me what time we are doing something and I can't always give a straight answer. Lots of things may need to fall in place for us to leave at X time. I can give a time we're aiming to leave, but I don't know. For example, what time are we leaving a family gathering/meal out. I can't answer that, because it depends on so many things. I've learned I have to be vague because if we don't leave at the exact time, then he gets anxious and annoyed, because in his head plans have changed.
As I've explained to him many times, life doesn't run to his requirements alone and he has to learn to be flexible and understand that people aren't robots. We don't always have the specific answers immediately, sometimes we need time to work it out and sometimes we just can't give it.

I didn't ask her to list what each room was used for. But I asked do the 6th form have a specific area/set of rooms. They don't they use the whole school. Therefore 100 less pupils in sixth form will mean the corridors will be quieter than if they were at full capacity. How are the classes divided they are divided into 6 so this tells me 1 will be a class of 30 and the rest 29 so I could suggest there is a room for my DD. Just as an example.

I don't ask a question if it's not relevant.

Partner is the same. "What will we eat tonight?" would result in starvation all around. It drives me nuts, especially so when it's something that is ultimately inconsequential and they STILL can't make a decision, and then start waffling on about all sorts of stuff...

No, my questions weren't irrelevant.

So why send a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence of their case and then be surprised when people ask questions about it!

So why send a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence of their case and then be surprised when people ask questions about it!

I don't ask a question if it's not relevant.

To you - it may be irrelevant to others. The issue is that you think x is important and expect it to be answered as such, directly and in the communication style you prefer.

You need to understand this is not everyone's style and it's not wrong to not give an x or y answer.

Shades of grey, not black and white and all that...

I can empathise entirely with your son when it pertains to a matter that I've decided IS actually wholly important. The agenda becomes all-consuming and I need to know specifics, so someone waffling or going off plan is not just a source of irritation, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and if I don't check it straightaway and let it fester it usually leads to meltdowns/shutdowns. I'm getting better at dealing with the foibles of neurotypicals as I get older, but it's still not easy.

I know this sort of autistic behaviour and thinking must sound mad to people who don't share the same thought patterns, but conversely, I find people who make long term career plans, or think about going to university when they are in early teens, or want to get married and have children when they 'grow up' utterly daft because you could well get hit by a bus tomorrow, and what's happening an hour from now seems far more pertinent, no?