If you are autistic do people often not answer the question you are asking but give a more generalised answer?

[Hotandsunny]

Just a thought that came to mind. I often find when I ask people questions about something very specific they don't seem to get it and just give you a general answer. I don't know what it is. But I have oftenish been in a situation where people just don't seem to understand what you are asking. So I was wondering if it was an autistic thing.

The example from today was I was doing a school appeal and the school had sent a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence that the school was full. I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full.

I say you haven't answered my question and ask again and get the same reply. A member of the panel says to me I just don't like the reply I'm getting. I don't, because it doesn't answer my question.

This isn't an isolated incident by a long shot.

I completely agree, thank you

NT people answer the perceived subtext. That's not always an exact answer to the precise words in a question.
Answering constant questions is exhausting and makes a conversation unbalanced. I have a work colleague who told a group of us we were just talking about ourselves, completely missing that we were sharing information and making connections. He never shares information, it makes him come across as untrustworthy.
People don't have to answer your questions, even in a formal situation.

I think sometimes when someone is asking question after question then people will reply with a more general answer to put a stop to the endless questions.

I work with someone who is absolutely lovely but he asks question after question in meetings then more questions based on the answers given. And tbh there comes a point where the questions and conversation have to stop otherwise we'd never get any work done. So in those situations I have noticed our managers will give more general replies such as 'no requests can be put through between 10 and 11' as questioning things on an intricate basis doesn't change the overall outcome

If the school felt the OP’s question was irrelevant, they would have been better to say so rather than answer a question of their own invention. An explanation of why the information was irrelevant (if it was) would have resolved the issue quickly and clearly instead of frustrating the OP and making it appear as if they don’t want to engage openly with the appeals process.

This sort of thing drives me mad too, OP. It’s poor communication and a waste of everyone’s time. Just answer the question, or explain why you don’t think it’s relevant.

But xDown, in example A, if I'd answered "Yes" (technically true) as you suggest, DP would then have been expecting to leave at 18:30, and when that turned out not to be happening as Dan had not yet returned home, Dp's brain would melt.

In example B, if I'd picked one of the routes with a delay, we'd be late, and much distress would ensue. Apart from anything else, it would be dumb pandering to a rigidity of thinking which is detrimental to making sensible decisions.

I often tell him to think about how he phrases his questions and whether he sets the scene for maximum efficiency information gathering and decision making:

"When are we leaving?"
"At 19:00, as soon as Dan gets back."

"Which route do you suggest?'
"Through St Brendan's and onto the M19. The other routes are congested."

Predictably, he's not that interested.

But room size was their key point. It was completely relevant.

Interesting view - I am like your colleague. Don't really talk much about myself except to close friends. I have acquaintances that as soon as I stop to talk to them bombard me with all sorts of random bits of stuff from their everyday lives. I find it insane to be honest, and realise that's why I have never been able to do small talk. I just really, really don't want to assault someone else with the minutiae of my life and it wouldn't even occur to me to verbalise it.

I hope people don't find me untrustworthy because I really just can't, and don't want, to do it.

I also agree about NT people and subtext. They think everyone thinks like them, so they answer questions on that basis. Some of us have different brains and have queries that help US to understand something.

I just don't see the point of a hearing if one party can just decide not to engage and refuse to answer questions.

It goes back to my earlier response about who holds the power in the meeting.

I find it infuriating when people don’t answer a question directly, but I often dodge questions if I don’t want to answer them. I’m just as bad.

@feedyourheed I'm possibly similar to you. I don't like to share much with acquaintances, and definitely not occasional acquaintances and strangers. I confess my main problem with small talk is feigning an interest I don't feel. Not always the case, of course.

Pop yourself in the shoes of the school OP. You are essentially asking the school to provide you with a detailed plan of their day-to-day operations. That would be a huge undertaking for someone who may not have a good understanding of how a school operates so essentially not a good use of their (clearly limited) resources

The reason people don't answer questions is because;

1. They have already given a satisfactory response i.e. the ration of children to classrooms
2. They weren't listening to the question properly
3. Answering the question will incur more questions.
4. Private information of the people or business deals involved.
5. The question you are asking is too specific to your circumstances rather than about the system
6. It's a lot of work to answer the question and you are not a priority for them.
7. The answer relies on having specialist knowledge.

Well, what I found out was for many classes the group is split into 6 giving 5 classes of 29 and 1 of 30. So you could argue there is room for 30 in each class. You could also look at what happens when they are put in sets now one class has 20 and 5 have 31. How do the classes of 31 do? Are they hugely impacted by having 1or 2 extra students in their class?

There's much more to it than you think.

The rooms were given along with a statement that many classes are smaller than the average needed for 30 students. But this doesn't give the full picture as many classes don't contain 30 pupils. The school wants to use it to show they can't accept an extra Y7 pupil. But obviously I have to try and argue against this. Therefore I obviously have to question it and raise relevant points.

Yes, I do expect logic and professionalism. Maybe that's my problem.

With regard to the question you asked, OP (although I predictably find the general premise of your post more interesting), schools have a PAN, a published admissions number, for admissions to Reception, Y7 and Y12. Once they meet PAN, they're full, irrespective of how pupil numbers are arranged in individual classes within the year group. There are guidelines for maximum numbers of pupils in a class, but the bottom line is the PAN for the year group. I am willing to bet that this is what the person referred to when he said, without qualifying why, that Y7 was 'full'. A school proposes each academic year's PAN to the LA well in advance, and it is on this basis that places are offered each March.

Edited to insert a space.

The sixth form has smaller class sizes. What rooms they use are relevant as if they use for example the 4 smaller rooms, that frees up the larger rooms for Y7 etc. It is also relevant in terms of the school being under capacity by 100 in 6th form. Would these extra 100 be using the same corridors and communal spaces as Y7? If so an argument can be made that these areas can't be crowded if they have 100 less people using them than when the school is at capacity.

Lol. Then in future for Q&A sessions the audience should receive in advance a pre-approved list of questions that the presenters deem worthy of an answer.

Somewhat defeats to purpose of the meeting...

I do get your frustration. I think that sharing the room information with dimensions etc probably confused matters as it seemed to suggest those rooms and dimensions were relevant to the decision in a way it seems that they were not.

Because that's what an appeal is. They have to present their case and I have to argue against it. They can't just say we are full end off.

Why am I appealing. I am having to home educate my DD as the school she was given can't meet her needs. This school can meet her needs and it is questionable if the should have let her in in the first place actually. But basically the effect of her not going to this school on her emotional well-being and my mental health is greater than the effect of adding one more child to a class of 29.

I think the op is looking for an answer that the thread is not answering/giving. Going around in circles does not change the outcome of what you are looking for. Plenty of examples have been given.

Recheck your post and see where you would have gotten a different answer. Sometimes being completely direct without explaining why before the question you asked (as explained in your op) might be why the school was able to cut you off.

Another reason this could have happened was that the teacher didn't know all of the information, but just wanted to finish the meeting on one day, and didn't want to have continued back and forth about it?

I don't think that people are necessarily answering your direct questions in a general way because you are autistic. People do this a lot, I am not autistic and have noticed this frequently.

Some people also like to almost 'set the scene' or 'tell the story' to lead in to a point. Example would be pp with autistic husband above.

My preferred communication style would be to answer the question directly, then explain. But this is definitely one of many styles of answering I have noticed.

Its a difficult situation OP, but in this instance, it seems like their current decision is final. As admirable as it is that you are pushing for a good education for your child, asking for more and more detailed answers thinking you are going to get a "gotcha" moment is not a good way to build a relationship with this school.

Is there a way that you could develop a better relationship so you will be first on their list when a space does become available?

The thing is, people don't have to communicate on your terms

I recommend autistic people repeat this back over and over again to NT people who moan about how we communicate.

Can't have it both ways... 😁

The person is thinking aloud and sharing their thought process with you so you can agree a time together

They weren't asked to share their stream of consciousness, though! Who wants to hear that?!