How do I convince my OH my pain is real

[justasking111]

After a lot of pain, spasms with my back and groin pain which my GP believed after some tests I used my private insurance. Turns out that I have scoliosis and arthritis in spine and hip. I've seen the MRI, have the letters from the consultant and a disc containing the results. OH thinks because it's private they invent stuff. My consultant advised physiotherapist 6 months waiting list so again I went private. She's been great but it's a slow journey.

OH thinks I'm being lazy again today because hoovering bedroom, hall, sitting room has broken me.

He then moaned about dinner tonight so I stood at the worktop chopping carrots, onions, celery, beef, stir frying all, dumping into slow cooker with stock, red wine etc for tonight's dinner. I had taken ibuprofen and Gabapentin by then so it wasn't so bad, the hoovering was worse because I've also a damaged rotor cuff from trying to haul myself upright.

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

I mean, I would take him along to an appointment, then ditch him.

Utterly vile behaviour towards you.

Ditch the OH and that will be one less pain to deal with.
Hope you get some relief for your health problems.

Why bother trying to convinve him? Tell him to move out.

You are in pain - do what you need to to manage that and ask him to explain how his vast medical knowledge qualifies him to criticise actual professionals. I assume he was sat down watching you suffer as you hoovered?

I'd ditch him. What a waste of space.

This. And love the phrasing.

You're not going to convince him while you're martyring yourself.

Stop doing so much and if he can't handle that it's tough.

Why waste the energy trying to make him understand? He sounds horrible.

Your question is really "How do I convince OH to care for and about me?".

I'm afraid, that care either is or isn't there and is unlikely to spontaneously manifest itself.

How is the rest of your relationship?

And what has your OH done for you today while you were cleaning and cooking? I'm assuming he does get to eat it too?

Horrible man.

Sorry, I know that's no help to you.

Living with pain is really difficult.

You can't but it's shit of him to not believe you and honestly I'd get rid. What a dick.

You shouldn't have to convince him.

You don't need to convince him but you do need to get rid of him. Despite seeing you in pain he still expected you to cook dinner? Why didn't he do that?

Seriously, get rid of this nasty and cruel man.

And tell him to make his own fucking dinner. Geez!

Did he think about maybe helping? Perhaps you’d be in less pain if he stopped bitching and got off his Royal arse.

It was embarrassing when he told friends in front of me that the Spire made things up for money

You don’t need to convince him. Just tell him ‘I’m in pain I’m going to bed. Make your own dinner’ let him moan and whinge. Let him think you’re lazy. Do what suits you and leave him to it. He’s absolutely vile and clearly doesn’t care about you a bit

Urm, you don’t.

I say to my husband “my neck is hurting so I can’t do X, Y, Z” and if they’re necessary he does the tasks, or it waits until I’m better.

He loves and respects me so I don’t need to prove the pain.

Also, even if they do “find” stuff because it’s private, does he think you’re lying for your reasons for going in the first place??! He sounds like a lovely chap…

You can't convince someone who has zero empathy. I have a fluctuating pain condition and my DH accepts how much pain I'm in without question. Or rather with the only question being, what do I need him to do to help me.

Don't need to go private to diagnose him with cuntishness. Fuck him off and look after yourself.

I would start mentioning the pain in your neck! When he queries it say ‘it’s you, you effing lump of lard -now get out if you can’t be even remotely supportive’. But that’s just me!

He never stops, up, dressed, walks dogs, breakfast, off on bike until lunchtime. Has lunch then off again fishing. I'm the lazy moo

Why on earth are you hoovering while in such pain? Tell him you are in agony!

Some days I do absolutely nothing and my dh doesn’t moan about it. If he asks I’ll say I had no energy or couldn’t be arsed and he accepts that and does things himself. You’re not his bloody slave