How do I convince my OH my pain is real

[justasking111]

After a lot of pain, spasms with my back and groin pain which my GP believed after some tests I used my private insurance. Turns out that I have scoliosis and arthritis in spine and hip. I've seen the MRI, have the letters from the consultant and a disc containing the results. OH thinks because it's private they invent stuff. My consultant advised physiotherapist 6 months waiting list so again I went private. She's been great but it's a slow journey.

OH thinks I'm being lazy again today because hoovering bedroom, hall, sitting room has broken me.

He then moaned about dinner tonight so I stood at the worktop chopping carrots, onions, celery, beef, stir frying all, dumping into slow cooker with stock, red wine etc for tonight's dinner. I had taken ibuprofen and Gabapentin by then so it wasn't so bad, the hoovering was worse because I've also a damaged rotor cuff from trying to haul myself upright.

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

I'm in constant pain. It goes up and down but the conditions I have mean it's there every day. If I ever felt that I had to convince my OH that it's real, I would be wondering why I'm with him. He sees me doing what I can and I am sympathetic to the jobs which he has to pick up because I can't. I do know it's a PITA for him but we support each other.

That’s not helping though is it - it is activities he wants to do and therefore takes up his time so he can’t do chores that he needs you to do

Does he bring anything positive to your life?

She probably isnt martyring herself, probably trying to cause less confrontation at home.
A lot men dismiss severe pain in women..why? ...so they dont have to do anymore at home etc

What a charmer.

Dump him. Feel better soon.

So your husband does his hobbies whilst you suffer?

This is the third shit partner I've read about on here today.

Being in constant pain myself from arthritis, I totally understand how you feel. I live alone so have to get on with it but have developed ways of helping me cope with day to day tasks.

Obviously like others here I think you husband is being nasty and should be doing more of the housework and cooking instead of selfishly persuading his own hobbies. However, for your own comfort, you could have a chair in the kitchen so you can sit down to prepare food, I have a stool on castors which I scoot across the floor on to get things and it rises and lowers so I can sit at the table or at stove height to stir things etc.

I also have a shower chair as I find it more comfortable than standing for a long time. I have a grabber thing to pick up stuff of the floor to save me bending over. I use a plastic box on wheels to move things around the house, I’ve just grabbed my clothes washing from my bedroom and wheeled it into the kitchen to the washing machine, then I might use it to carry some things that need moving out to my car.

Hopefully the physio will help you get back to normal but in the meantime look into ways in which you can conserve your energy and reduce your pain. I have a cleaner as well which although fairly expensive, means that I don’t have to do much housework - no pets here so rarely need to hoover between visits!

I hope you feel better soon and in the meantime, give your husband a kick up the backside to get him to help out!

He says that housework, laundry is a pink job, so not a mans job. He does cook a couple of times a week but from scratch and gets really snotty if I produce convenience food say a shop bought pie with chips and frozen vegetables. To be honest after 45 years I find cooking supremely boring.

You don’t. If he’s not supportive, kind or loving what are you staying for?

I cannot even OP. Your husband is a dick. Im fuming for you. Tell him f*ck 'pink' jobs....if he wants cooked food not convenience food everyday to cook it himself. Sexist misogynistic pig

So as a member of the household, he walks the dogs and does breakfast then? That's it?

Have you tried telling him to fuck off and do it himself?

Does he think you're making the pain up? If I had to work to convince my husband I wasn't lying about being in pain, I think that's the end of the relationship if I'm honest. All the strangers on here believe you, but the person that is meant to support you, doesn't.

horrid man, don’t waste your energy trying to convince him.

I live with chronic pain conditions. If my partner thought for one second I was faking any of it I'd dump his arse so fast. If he had the audacity to but me a fit bit, he'd be gone.
Partners are supposed to be supportive. Not utter twats.

Then he's going to be ordering takeaway and walking around in dirty clothes then, isn't he?

If you don't stand up for yourself now OP, it's going to get worse as your body problems do. This isn't a bloke you want to be with forever

So- OP, this is the choice ahead. Putting up with another 20 years of this, or choosing not to. I see it's easier to not rock the boat, but I'd be very worried about going into old age with a man who is dismissive and even nasty to you and won't take the strain. One thing I would do though whatever you do with him, is to get a cleaner and do no more hoovering yourself, no more big jobs, no more bending for gardening, all that can be paid for. I couldn't personally put up with being called lazy in my own home, but that is the choice, sadly.

Also if he tells friends that the hospital is making things up, tell them how awful his minimising has been while you’ve been poorly.

OC He does. He doesnt want to think about sympathizing with OP because that would mean he had to limit his 'his' time and hobbies...so it benefits him to deny shes in pain, because hes a lazy git

Pink job is it?

you've posted about this twat before haven't you? i remember some of the details, down to the pink jobs comment.

why are you with this absolute shit? honestly, get rid please op, it will be the best thing you're ever did for yourself.

You are totally allowed to change the status quo. As far as hoovering goes you need a cleaner or an eufi. Cooking, go out or do good quality convenience food. Husband, tell him that’s what you’re doing but he’s welcome to do what he likes, and buy some headphones.

Why are you putting up with this OP? Are you financially dependant on him

The simple answer is that you wouldn't ever have to convince someone that loves you.

Trouble is, you're so downtrodden by him that you don't see it. He treats you like shit, and you let him. Isn't life too short for that crap?

Thanks some useful tips. Unfortunately DH bought another puppy so we've two dogs and a cat. Skirtings etc get dusty, it really bloody hurts to get down and up to clean kitchen cupboards, skirtings etc. leaning over to clean an enormous D bath plus floor, sinks and loo yesterday did me in.

The puppy has eaten all the skirting in the kitchen where she sleeps at night plus wall in hall and bedroom. Now she's 7 months old he's suggested that she has the run off the house. She's had three pairs of shoes, my bad. I really don't want her loose at night

What do you think about him saying that housework and laundry is pink work? Is that the sort of man you're happy to be with? realistically, in terms of hours, is there an even split of household tasks?