How do I convince my OH my pain is real

[justasking111]

After a lot of pain, spasms with my back and groin pain which my GP believed after some tests I used my private insurance. Turns out that I have scoliosis and arthritis in spine and hip. I've seen the MRI, have the letters from the consultant and a disc containing the results. OH thinks because it's private they invent stuff. My consultant advised physiotherapist 6 months waiting list so again I went private. She's been great but it's a slow journey.

OH thinks I'm being lazy again today because hoovering bedroom, hall, sitting room has broken me.

He then moaned about dinner tonight so I stood at the worktop chopping carrots, onions, celery, beef, stir frying all, dumping into slow cooker with stock, red wine etc for tonight's dinner. I had taken ibuprofen and Gabapentin by then so it wasn't so bad, the hoovering was worse because I've also a damaged rotor cuff from trying to haul myself upright.

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

He embarrassed himself. They probably all think he’s an idiot.

You can’t make him have some basic decency and respect for you. He clearly doesn’t so you need to end this relationship.

Well then he has clearly demonstrated that he's not in any pain, nor suffering with quite debilitating and tiring conditions. So from now on he can do everything that needs doing when/if you're not able to.

Seriously.

None of that is housework though is it? It’s all stuff for himself or enjoyment.

You shouldn't need to convince him
Do you need him in your life?

He bought me a fit bit for my birthday telling me if anyone really needs it that's me. He's got one and tells me how many steps he's done, his heart rate, BP at any given time.

He never stops, up, dressed, walks dogs, breakfast, off on bike until lunchtime. Has lunch then off again fishing.

He 'never stops' doing things he likes. Coincidently this does not include hoovering or cooking.

You shouldn’t need to convince him OP. If he loves you he’d do what he could to avoid you being in any more pain. It sounds like that’s obviously not a priority to him.

I have a condition that causes horrendous pain (every 6-8 weeks usually) and it knocks me for 6. For 2/3 days before the pain is at its worse and 2/3 days after I’m no use to anyone. I’ll generally be taken by ambulance to hospital so they can get my pain under control.
When I was with my ex, he’d literally step over me whilst I was curled up in a ball on the floor….he’s tut and roll his eyes and say things like “looks like I’m cooking dinner then” it made me question myself, question the extent of the pain I was in.
My DH is the exact opposite. He’ll take over everything without question and never makes me feel guilty for being unwell.
Ditch the dead weight OP….he’ll only bring you down 💐

LTB. And what a B he is.

Another poor excuse for a partner today. You know this isn't right, OP.

I presume your response to this was "Fuck off, you twat", and if not, why not?

You don’t need to explain yourself to him. I sympathize with you about the pain and I don’t even know you, loving people don’t need proof. They trust that you are not making it up. What a spectacularly horrible thing to put you through on top of physical pain.

Yep. imagine what your life will be like if you have health problems in the future, which is a possibility for any of us.
And don’t call yourself a lazy moo.
It would be wonderful if he’d say to the doctors that they make things up for money. They’d be furious and would hand him his arse on a plate. But he wouldn’t do that, he’ll only moan at you because he’s a bully
The hoovering can wait.

I am so sorry that you have these painful conditions; hope you are much better soon!

As for your partner- what did his last slave die of??? If it's so important to him to have the hoovering and cooking done to his timing and satisfaction, why can't he do it himself?

He already knows you’re in pain. He just doesn’t care and/or has actively chosen to remain in denial. ‘Convincing’ him isn’t going to help. You’re better off without him.

You shouldn’t need to convince him OP. If he loves you he’d do what he could to avoid you being in any more pain. It sounds like that’s obviously not a priority to him.

This. My grandmother found hoovering difficult, so my grandfather always hoovered the house to ensure she's not in pain. That's what normal men would do.

OH I did go mental, told him to return it or I'd bin it. I really don't need the quality of my sleep measured etc

Why would he not believe you, I believe you and don’t even know you, it’s possible for pain to come up for all sorts of ailments. Having pain myself, I would say that you need to get your meds sorted, you might be able to get another pill in the mix too, you get used to day to day pain eventually, it becomes a new normal. Hot baths and sauna might help, exercise. All the best.

Your life partner is supposed to love you and care about you. Otherwise, really, what's the point?

I lot of people are together simply because they can't afford to run a house on one salary. Are you?

A decent partner would hear that you are in pain, support you, and help in any way they could.
Making out to your friends that you are a hypochondriac and going out of his way to avoid helping in any way is certainly not loving or supportive and is quite frankly quite gross.
Get rid, get better and move on.

You seriously need to dump this man if he’s full of energy for walking and cycling but can’t find the energy to pick up a fucking Hoover.

I see now that he has told people your consultants are making things up for money and bought you a FitBit purely as a means of insulting you. OP, he is horrible. He’s cruel and abusive.

So he literally never stops doing things for HIM? If he even ditched one of the hobbies he could have cooked dinner couldn't he?

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

He bought me a fit bit for my birthday telling me if anyone really needs it that's me. He's got one and tells me how many steps he's done, his heart rate, BP at any given time.

Why are you with this obnoxious creature? What advice would you give to a female friend or a daughter who was being treated like this by a man?

He sounds ... boring as fuck.

I’m reading this while lying on the sofa because my back is also painful today. I’m doing no housework or cooking today because it will aggravate my spine.

Why did you hoover if your back was hurting? Why are you bothered if your pig of a husband moans about dinner? He’s disrespectful towards you and a bully. He made himself look stupid by suggesting Spire made up your medical conditions. MRIs don’t lie, nor do consultant rheumatologists but your husband does (by gaslighting you). I suggest you think about LTB.

Do you like him?