How do I convince my OH my pain is real

[justasking111]

After a lot of pain, spasms with my back and groin pain which my GP believed after some tests I used my private insurance. Turns out that I have scoliosis and arthritis in spine and hip. I've seen the MRI, have the letters from the consultant and a disc containing the results. OH thinks because it's private they invent stuff. My consultant advised physiotherapist 6 months waiting list so again I went private. She's been great but it's a slow journey.

OH thinks I'm being lazy again today because hoovering bedroom, hall, sitting room has broken me.

He then moaned about dinner tonight so I stood at the worktop chopping carrots, onions, celery, beef, stir frying all, dumping into slow cooker with stock, red wine etc for tonight's dinner. I had taken ibuprofen and Gabapentin by then so it wasn't so bad, the hoovering was worse because I've also a damaged rotor cuff from trying to haul myself upright.

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

Let him walk out.

It's to be hoped your pain and mobility doesnt worsen or you've had it, with a callous man like that in your life who will have you crawling to him for help - that he won't provide. But the saddest thing is rather than splitting from this fool, you're with him and writing about him. He's not even your husband is he? So its not as if you've divorce to go through.

You seem to think you have to prove to him you're ill. God knows why. You can hang on if you like but he'll probably leave you anyway - there are stories upon stories of men like this who neg their ill partners and then bail out as caring duties are definitely not a responsibility they want. Its either that, or he'll stay and be wicked to you so it's up to you. Raising your bar will help.

@ErniesGhostlyGoldTops sounds like hogwash. @justasking111 Follow your doctors' advice for what to do for your health, assuming they seem to not be into fringe theories etc (unfortunately even some doctors are into weird stuff.) Apparently some people have a condition where oxalates effect arthritis but I expect that's quite rare. For most people with arthritis it's just one of those things without a cause except genetics or wear and tear, and scoliosis of course, isn't caused by diet.

Embarrassing for him! I’m sure your friends won’t have believed him if they have brains.

I agree, difficult to see what benefit there is to having him around. This is totally vile, and ignorant as well.

It'd be one thing (but annoying enough) if he was like this and your pain had no physical cause- but it does.

So sorry that you're in such pain. I hope you are taking your pain meds regularly, as it while help according to a specialist nurse.
This time of the year will be worse.

Give up the hoovering, it will only worsen your pain and the rotator cuff problem. Ask him to do, since he has so much energy. Or if you can afford it get in a cleaner every 2 weeks or so to help.

Sadly, some men are missing the empathy gene, mostly so they don't have to do anything to actively support/care for you.

You need to sit down doing your kitchen prep. Gentle stretches might ease the pain/ache of the scoliosis.

Be prepared for the long haul, I am not a medical professional, but 'had' a messed up shoulder rotator cuff, took over 3 years to ease, with pain meds and physio.

Good luck. Ignore the DH, and take care of yourself.

You shouldn’t have to prove anything to your partner. My husband has just finished cleaning the whole house because he knows I’ve struggled with an RA flare these past couple of days, it’s his way of helping.

You don’t need to convince him you have already given him medical proof. Buy a roomba mines great for those days I can’t do it! Tell him to cook his own tea and meal prep some freezable stuff for when you’re not good use slow cooker! He’s pretending not to believe you so he dosnt have to do things round the house.

this

You are being abused. He is choosing not to recognise your health conditions and is taunting you.

Your life is going to be a living hell growing old with someone like this, when you become truly vulnerable, frail and dealing with multiple health issues. I would look to leave asap.

So he does fuck-all in the house?

You need to stop.

See a very good solicitor as soon as you can.

He might not be as clever as he thinks he is

Don’t say a word to him. Just carry on as normal and get everything in place.

I mean he's a twat but you could tell him I was referred to Spire from the NHS so no money involved at all. Spire gave me a diagnosis and have sent me back to the NHS as my issue is too complex

On second thoughts I couldn't be bothered explaining to him, because he's dim and an idiot!

Fabulous.

Don't agree and let him walk out.

Men like this carry on for a lifetime for the simple reason that they are never challenged and go through decades not being answerable to anyone.

It's time OP. It's not too late, it really isn't. It's time to say 'enough'.

If he wants to divorce you - so be it - you get an amazing settlement, freedom and a chance at real happiness whilst he has to go out and find a new wife-shaped domestic appliance.

I’m of the view that OP needs to be proactive.

her abusive husband is never going to walk out as he enjoys pushing her around

And you've put up with this sexist shit for 45 years?

He's a selfish, unsympathetic git and I think you should LTB.

Spend some time daydreaming about how you would like your life to be, even if your condition does not improve. Imagine a small house or flat of your own, with a regular cleaner to do the housework. Or sheltered accommodation, if you think the time has come to make that move. Then make an appointment with a solicitor and consider the practicalities; for example, do you want to keep the dogs and could you cope with them?

Keep eating the porridge then. Good luck with that.

50 years?

Huge financial abuse going on.

Shit hot lawyer and forensic accountant.

You could buy an lovely assisted living spot with plenty of help on hand.

Sort your health needs out and move forward with your life.

Your future can be far more comfortable without this abuser in it.

Reach out for help.

Women's aid is a start.

Tell your medical team what is going on.

You deserve so much better.

You need a lawyer tbh

I am currently living between two cities. If you live anywhere on the M62 route, I will come to your house and sling that shitehawk out and wear his balls as earrings. I'm in pain too (RA) and was not believed for years.
I could advise you to take him to an appointment with you but why should you have to prove you are suffering? Seriously, why? Can't he tell you're flaring up from the look on your face or your gait? Perhaps he hasn't even looked?
I urge you to reconsider your relationship with this man.

He might be busy all day, but he's busy doing all the things he wants to do.

Are there any advantages to having him in your life? And are you married?

I'm really sorry to say this op! However! When I am reading your posts and updates, it sounds like you're Dobby the house elf, daring to complain about his masters the Malfoys.

You are so downtrodden and abused... can you even see it?

Do yourself a favour and free yourself because you sound like a slave.

OP, you need a SHL (shit hit lawyer) and a forensic accountant. There are literally people.whose job is to dig out the info that people like your husband have tried to hide. Take some paperwork to a solicitor. Your husband is an abuser and you don't have to live out your days like this.