How do I convince my OH my pain is real

[justasking111]

After a lot of pain, spasms with my back and groin pain which my GP believed after some tests I used my private insurance. Turns out that I have scoliosis and arthritis in spine and hip. I've seen the MRI, have the letters from the consultant and a disc containing the results. OH thinks because it's private they invent stuff. My consultant advised physiotherapist 6 months waiting list so again I went private. She's been great but it's a slow journey.

OH thinks I'm being lazy again today because hoovering bedroom, hall, sitting room has broken me.

He then moaned about dinner tonight so I stood at the worktop chopping carrots, onions, celery, beef, stir frying all, dumping into slow cooker with stock, red wine etc for tonight's dinner. I had taken ibuprofen and Gabapentin by then so it wasn't so bad, the hoovering was worse because I've also a damaged rotor cuff from trying to haul myself upright.

I don't know how to explain the pain or how I'm really trying to improve my mobility private because the NHS just isn't there. So I've got the money which is mine btw

The only pink job he would be getting from me was the middle digit

You'll make your conditions worse and do yourself a serious injury if you carry on. I'd recommend taking small steps. Cook simple food for just yourself, hire cleaner and prioritise your health. Then build up to divorcing the selfish man who doesn't care about you.

He's a complete tosspot.

He doesn't want to believe you because it might mean he'll need to help you. That much is clear.

What do you think would be your point of no return?

What would he have to do to you for you to decide it's harder being with him than it would be to be without him?

I am not the type of person to wish pain on anyone but by God I wish it on your husband OP. I absolutely hate these ‘busy’ bustling, about sort of people. They still achieve fuck all. They just cannot comprehend what it’s like to be in pain every day so have no empathy for anyone who is.I would like to bestow on your husband the biggest bunch of painful haemorrhoids it’s possible to have hanging out of his arse and a chronic case of the shits.

he is enhancing your life somehow, though, or you'd sack him off, right?

You need to divorce asap

You are making plans to leave, yes?

Dear God. Another woman living with a man who clearly despises her.

Where is your self esteem OP? Tell him to fuck off.

Do you really want to be with someone who tells people you’re imagining pain and calls laundry a pink job. Instead of out riding motorbikes he could be cleaning his house

Sorry but your husband sounds awful 😞 very uncaring and very ignorant of your limitations

You're all lovely but we're both pensioners. He is wealthy but it was all tied up in trusts a decade ago. He gets dividends if I left clever accountancy would ensure I didn't see the money. He has a private pension he hasn't activated yet which he'd never activate if I left .

We've just sold some properties which he's saying the money needs to be tied up too. It's all a bit beyond me if that money goes into something no-one can touch for supposed tax reasons.

Oh jesus this is such a sad thread. I'd say if you are in a situation where you need to convince him thepai is real you need to get rid. But especially with the other stuff. Why do you want to stay in a relationship with a man who treats you like this?

We've got all this money but I'm still below the tax threshold with my state pension which he thinks I should be giving to him to pay for food, heating etc. I'm in a right pickle aren't I

OP your thread has made me feel so sad.

Surely your twilight years deserve to be better than this. And he may think he's clever hiding money but legally, he can't. Please go and see a solicitor for some legal advice.

I think you need to get copies of everything next time he goes out of the house. Take it to a solicitor and see what they think, as I'm not convinced it's untouchable at all .

Why the fuck are you with him? How does he improve your life?

He sounds abusive financially as well as mentally. I'd be seeking legal advice as this is no way to live.

Don’t be so naive OP. He’d have to give you half however much he didn’t want to.

@justasking111 a pink job???!! God I've heard it all now. I'm afraid your husband is a nasty, uncaring misogynist. If you can add counselling/therapy to your treatment plan I will think it would help you to work through whatever self-worth issues are leading you to believe this is all you deserve, because believe me, you deserve SO much better.

Fucking hell. I don't even know how to respond to OP's latest update. It's so unbelievable that I thought how can this thread be real?

Surely people don't stay in relationships this bad?

I'm pretty smart admin wise. I did all the book keeping with the company we owned. I still do the tax returns because he's too dumb to do it and to mean to pay someone else. So I do know exactly what his income is, which irritates him.

However, we're getting away from the point it's my health he just won't believe. I say I can't because it hurts. He says I'm just lazy

Where did you find this prince among men, Sexist Twats ‘R’ Us?

Honestly, I’d be getting some decent legal advice as to what assets you’d be entitled to a share of in the event that you decided to kick this awful arse to the kerb.

Dump the cunt.

@justasking111 it isn't beside the point though because this level of cruelty is something that should be a deal breaker. If you are all over the finances, take what you know to a solicitor and get their view on what a divorce would look like for you. You're asking how to change your husband from a cruel person to a good person. Unless anyone on this thread is a white witch, nothing they can say will achieve that.

@Scalottia I think it's a generational thing. OP is older. Mixed with patriarchy and the societal expectation that women stay in relationships with dreadful men.