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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

202 replies

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:15

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 05/11/2023 18:51

I'd encourage it. Setting up your children to see sport as a normal and fun thing to do in spare time is invaluable.

This.

OCDmama · 05/11/2023 18:51

I think the Sunday swimming is important! Either my husband or I take our daughter every weekend, and the other looks after the baby.

I don't see the problem - if DD can't swim (a little cold is okay imo - if the kid is feeling alright in themselves) go do something nearby, or something she'd enjoy. If it's a 90 minute session, assume 30 mins for changing (total) and you could drop your husband and son off for 2 hours while you go do something.

She'd probably enjoy the 1-2-1 time with to you, as your son enjoys the 1-2-1 with his dad. It fills up children's cups so to speak. Just make sure you alternate so you get time with both children. Yes, you will have to go swimming.

UsingChangeofName · 05/11/2023 18:52

*Most posters seem to think that is the ideal. OP should work aso her DH does all the childcare alone and who cares if her kids can't do anything. The only person in this family who seems to matter is OP. Imagine if a dad was complaining he can't handle 2 hours alone with his 2 year old without moaning nonstop because his wife takes the other kid swimming and he doesn't like swimming and so he will go back to work on weekends and she can do all the childcare herself.^

Would the answers really be how his wife is a twat and should be doing it all alone and of course he shouldn't be expected to care for a 2 year old by himself and no his older kid shouldn't get to do anything fun with mom on the weekends. That dad is right - either they do the weekend how he wants and only how he wants or he is in the right to ditch the family and go to work and she can do it all herself.

All of this x 100%

Backagain23 · 05/11/2023 19:01

UsingChangeofName · 05/11/2023 18:52

*Most posters seem to think that is the ideal. OP should work aso her DH does all the childcare alone and who cares if her kids can't do anything. The only person in this family who seems to matter is OP. Imagine if a dad was complaining he can't handle 2 hours alone with his 2 year old without moaning nonstop because his wife takes the other kid swimming and he doesn't like swimming and so he will go back to work on weekends and she can do all the childcare herself.^

Would the answers really be how his wife is a twat and should be doing it all alone and of course he shouldn't be expected to care for a 2 year old by himself and no his older kid shouldn't get to do anything fun with mom on the weekends. That dad is right - either they do the weekend how he wants and only how he wants or he is in the right to ditch the family and go to work and she can do it all herself.

All of this x 100%

It's a nice story, shame it's mostly just made up.

Has a single poster said that the DH and DS "shouldn't get to do anything fun on the weekend"? I can't be bothered to look back to find that particular quote.
I can remember lots of people saying that balance and taking turns and doing other fun things as a whole family sometimes would not be unreasonable. Even if the DH shifted his arse at a better time so that it didn't dominate the day, that would be an improvement.
But no, he's got to do exactly what he wants to do, exactly when he wants to do it and sod his wife and daughter and their needs.
And you think it's OP who wants it to be all about her?
🙄

Coffeerum · 05/11/2023 19:02

As per the consensus seems to be if a man isn’t miserable when he spends time with his kids it doesn’t count.
He takes his still very young son out for 3 hours on a Sunday and is at fault because he has the nerve to enjoy the time together! And do you know they aren’t even doing swimming lessons they are just messing about on the slides. What a see you next Tuesday!
It seems that OP has at least 1 out of every few Saturdays off too, if not all as she was off yesterday so they have other family time. Splitting up activities when you have young kids with a bit of an age gap is totally normal.
As for the threatening to go back to working over a weekend, I can only imagine the comments if that was said by the DH!

MeinKraft · 05/11/2023 19:02

I'm fairly sure your husband doesn't actually want to spend every Sunday running around a swimming fun zone but it's for the benefit of your DS. So spend some quality time with your DD instead of you don't want to join them, you must be able to think of something other than walking around town for two hours Confused but tbh your DD would really benefit from the fun swimming session too.

MeinKraft · 05/11/2023 19:04

'But no, he's got to do exactly what he wants to do, exactly when he wants to do it and sod his wife and daughter and their needs.'

How are their needs not being met because the dad takes his son swimming every Sunday Confused

Backagain23 · 05/11/2023 19:05

MeinKraft · 05/11/2023 19:04

'But no, he's got to do exactly what he wants to do, exactly when he wants to do it and sod his wife and daughter and their needs.'

How are their needs not being met because the dad takes his son swimming every Sunday Confused

I think OP is very clear about why she's upset so I'm not going to be repeating it.

Canisaysomething · 06/11/2023 18:48

Why is your DH dictating what you do for family time every single weekend? He doesn’t let you choose at all? Sounds rubbish.

Pomvit · 06/11/2023 18:55

Maybe just organise something different every other weekend

widowtocricket · 06/11/2023 20:03

Can you not say that’s it not fair on your daughter to be the one hanging around waiting for her brother all the time, rather then Saying you are unhappy with the situation.

Make a list of all the things you want to do & mid week as a family choose a different trip out such as soft play. Then by the time the weekend comes you already know what the plan is & where you will be going. Swimming can still be included just not every week.

Jeannie88 · 06/11/2023 20:16

It's great for kids to go swimming, we always did on Sunday mornings with our dear Dad. Sorry I really don't see the problem here? One of the best family activities to be splashing around in water, having fun? Even when your dd may have a cough, doesn't the exercise and breathing help with this? When feeling a bit bunged up have found a good old swim great for clearing sinuses. X

Caroparo52 · 06/11/2023 20:58

Hmm. I'm confused. Why did DH want you to change jobs?
Was having the 2 DC in the pool simultaneously too much for him?
Or does he want all 4 of you to swim together?
Does the pool place have soft play or is there one nearby?
Could you drop DH and DS at pool then go onto playarea with DD for a nice time together?
It could work nicely if you want it to.. but sounds you are not thinking about DC more yourself....

Keeper11 · 07/11/2023 03:38

I can see your point. Your Sundays are taken over. If your husband can’t make the 11am session, then he is unlikely to fit anything else in before the lunch time swim. The day is over by the time they get home, which must be after 3pm. It does sound as if your DH simply wanted you to take care of DD on Sundays
Don't write off the learning issue. DS is gaining confidence in the water - all good.
Is it possible to revert to your old job? If so have you told your DH you are considering this as you are unhappy in the new one?
Is it possible to go to family for a long day, so leave before they go swimming and return at DD bedtime? Or invite grandparents to you for the day? Do you have friends or family nearby, with whom you could go to the various parks etc?
The issue isn’t so much the actual swimming, it’s the fact that DH commandeers the car every Sunday. So it is impossible for you to do anything else with your daughter. What happens on Saturdays?
I don’t think you are being unreasonable to ask your DH and DS to go swimming every other week, and spend the day doing family things in between.

Codlingmoths · 07/11/2023 04:38

get up on Sunday, put the kids in the car and go to a national trust house somewhere. Message Dh that he wanted you to give up the job you like so that there could be family time but has refused to have family time and been mad at you for suggesting it. Tell him you’ve made him feel like shit, you are considering if you can change job back since he obviously doesn’t give a shit about hanging out with you, in the meantime you are going to have Sundays out wiht your dc for the next month and he is not invited if he is going to be a grumpy third child about the plan he wanted and made you give up your job for being implemented.

Codlingmoths · 07/11/2023 04:38

*tell him HE’S made YOU feel like shit obviously

Shoxfordian · 07/11/2023 05:03

I would go swimming as well but mix it up with some other stuff or find something nice for you and your daughter

The main issue seems to be your dh not compromising though, is he always like this?

MumTeacherofMany · 07/11/2023 07:21

Yanbu. But you are also not actually going swimming. It is your choice to "wait around" for them?

Codlingmoths · 07/11/2023 10:46

MumTeacherofMany · 07/11/2023 07:21

Yanbu. But you are also not actually going swimming. It is your choice to "wait around" for them?

They have one car whcih is being used to go swimming. Which is why the op needs to take the children and leave by 9:30 for a day out.

MissingMoominMamma · 07/11/2023 10:55

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:25

They usually book the 1pm-2pm session as DH can't be arsed to get there earlier meaning it's done by 2.30-3.30 and then it's too late to go anywhere else Sad I wouldn't mind every other weekend but it's every single bloody Sunday.

This is your problem. Either he books an earlier session, so you can all do something afterwards, or he doesn’t go every week. It would be easy enough for him to do that if he could be arsed.

venus7 · 07/11/2023 13:33

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:22

The earliest they can book as it's a splash zone with slides etc is 11am and it's around a 30 min drive away and a 90 min session, so with it being Sunday by the time it's done it's too late to do much else.

If I'd have known I'd have stayed at my old job as I was quite happy and the new one is making me miserable. I'm literally sat home twiddling my thumbs thinking I wish I hadn't bothered the effort of changing jobs. I had in mind we would have days out or at least days together,

So they leave at 10.30 to get there for 11.00, then leave at 12.30, and would be home by 1.00? That isn't the whole day.......

venus7 · 07/11/2023 13:43

venus7 · 07/11/2023 13:33

So they leave at 10.30 to get there for 11.00, then leave at 12.30, and would be home by 1.00? That isn't the whole day.......

Show quote history

Apologies....I added that before reading further.
Please ignore it.

nutbrownhare15 · 07/11/2023 14:00

You don't want to swim on a Sunday. They do. I'd compromise and go as a four every other weekend, perhaps combined with a family activity on the way , freeing up every other Sunday as a family day where you do the kind of things you'd like to do.

Lolaandbehold · 07/11/2023 14:55

Why don’t you just hang out at home or go out with your daughter to a museum or meet friends for lunch or arrange a play date for your daughter and have some time to yourself.
I’m not sure why you feel miserable just because he goes swimming every week.

notjaneausten · 07/11/2023 18:28

Another self centred bloody bloke. Avoiding family responsibilities, and being tricky. If women let them get away with it, nothing will change.