To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

[lazymummy1988]

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

Im not sure it’s about the swimming. More that you are miserable and when you seek quite reasonably to change that your DH is argumentative and shitty about it.
good partners want to communicate and find solutions not just carry on in the face of someone else’s unhappiness.

That is your choice to wander around aimlessly. Go somewhere.

You truly live up to your username lazy mummy.

I think the two of you need to take turns which one of you has the car, and the other spouse needs to use public transport on weekends when they do not have the car. Surely there is a way to go and do things with public transport in your area?

If public transport really isn't possible, maybe you could look into a car share/car club scheme that would give you access to a car. I think it's a bit mad to buy a car solely for using at weekends.

Your poor daughter, is she not worth spending time with or something. Weekly swimming seems like a great idea, you either join in or do something else with your daughter for an hour or two.

I think you should go back to your job! But…perhaps your DH hasn’t been able to spend quality time with your DS because of DD being so little. On his previous Sunday’s I expect he couldn’t have gone swimming like he is now.
It would annoy me every weekend though.

It’s not impossible. My two year old is obsessed with churches and cathedrals, tunnels, bridges, towers and castles.

There are loads of areas where public transport is shit or non-existent, particularly on a Sunday.

i think yabu. It’s lovely your DH is taking your DS swimming each week as DS loves it. You have time with your DD. Why don’t you meet a friend in town for a coffee with the baby, or just chill out at home with the baby? And do something as a family in the morning? If my DS was really loving going swimming with his dad each week I wouldn’t want to change it. Also, if you go back to work on Sundays , will DH be able to take the 2 kids swimming on his own? It would be a shame for your DS if he couldn’t go anymore when he loves it

Leaving aside the swimming, I'd absolutely not be dropping him off and collecting him from his football. If he wants to play football, he can find his way there.

How about you all go swimming every other Sunday and the other Sundays a different family outing for all

Maybe rotation in sunday activities could be an option for you to discuss.

But I'm not understanding why spending a couple of hours alone with your Dd is making you so miserable. This is perfect opportunity to bond and create memories with her and then spend time together as family later in the day. She is a person in her own right. Enjoy your time with her. On miserable winter days why not do some activities at home with her instead of wandering around aimlessly.

This is one of those situations where you can choose to change the quality of your time with her and be happy or you can choose to be miserable. Its just a couple of hours in a week. Make it positive not negative.

And what does your DH say when you tell him? Can we do other things on the weekends and swimming every other weekend?

And why is your new job making you miserable? This or something else?

I can see why you DH wanted you to be around on Sunday, it is teat hard work with 2 little ones in the pool ir anywhere else with just one parent

This isn’t a swimming issue, it’s a not liking your new job and resenting your DH issue. If you’re miserable in the new job then you should be trying to change it regardless of the hours.

TBH if my DH would take the kids swimming of his own volition every weekend without me having to book it etc I would be quite pleased! And surely once your DD is better he can take her as well- even better! I’d love an afternoon mooching at home. But you’re not U to make sure that you do some things which you enjoy as well, either instead of or as well as swimming, and he should be happy to accommodate this. Be aware though that your kids would probably much rather be swimming than at a stately home etc, at least until the weather improves.

We swim every Sunday, purely it's a family activity that wears EVERYONE out. That, roast dinner, Disney movie. Lovely family time.

YABU
I think it’s nice that they go and do that and you and DD go and do something together too.

You and DH could alternate every weekend.

What would you rather being doing?

It sounds like you need to change jobs again and find somewhere where you are happy but still able to enjoy the weekends as a family

We don’t go swimming (although this thread is making me want to go) but we do similar instead we have a walk, roast or other comfort meal, bath and movie.

It’s a nice chilled out day.

From where I’m standing, I’d just be grateful that your DH is taking such an active role in parenting. Personally I’d go swimming too (but i love swimming).

So..... DP wanted you to change your working routine to one that suits you less so that he didnt have to deal with both children basically? Hes continued his same routine, entertaining DS out of the house for 2 and a half hrs at the water slide pool every Sunday but has now palmed younger DD off on you.... That worked out well for him at least.
Id go back to the old work routine tbh

Why is it a choice of go with them or work? Surely swimming is just for an hour / hour and a half including getting changed plus travel? If you and DD don't want to go do something else/ stay home/ go for a walk and have family time afterwards.....

So your weekends facilitate what he wants - football days you have both the kids and now Sunday you have your DD so he can do swimming because he didn’t want both, you (please say both of you) pay more for childcare for a job you hate because weekend family time is important although Saturdays are his day.

no wonder you are miserable - you need to communicate with him this unfairness and unhappiness

You've just triggered a memory for me.

When we were very small (under 4yo definitely because it was before dbro was born) we used to often go swimming with the whole family on Saturday afternoon.
I remember the admiration I felt seeing df diving into the pool, and how fast he could swim, and then he'd look after us while dm did "millions" of lengths. And then afterwards they'd help towel us dry then go and get dressed themselves.
I've never been particularly fond of swimming, but I loved going at that age with the family.

Why are you tolerating this?

Try and get your old job and THEN tell him what's happening.

He's just another selfish loser who doesn't want to be put out at all.

OP you have my absolute sympathy. A wet Sunday in Brid with a toddler is miserable. I really think your DH has to compromise with it being every other weekend. His version of family time is my way or the highway.

Agree with all of this.

And failing this, can you get your old job back Op?