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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

202 replies

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:15

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

OP posts:
Original poster
lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:33

@cardboardbox24 It very much feels this way!

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 05/11/2023 12:33

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:31

@YourNameGoesHere I don't mind it but it's just every single one. There are loads of places to walk round as a family here, we've got Whitby, Scarborough, loads of places we could go.
Instead I either stay home with DD or wander round Bridlington aimlessly with her in her pushchair.

Walking round doesn't sound much fun for either child in the weather we've been having to be fair. If swimming is something they enjoy them I would definitely still want to encourage him to go. Have you actually asked if you can do something different every other weekend?

Pancakefam · 05/11/2023 12:34

That would drive me round the bend! Can you switch back jobs? He should at least be alternating which kid he takes, as it's mean on your dd too. He's basically ditched her.

CaptainBarnaclesandthevegemals · 05/11/2023 12:35

Book something for next week that isn’t swimming. Put it on the family calendar. Doesn’t matter whether it needs actual tickets or not. Just write ´Scarborough beach trip’ down and tell DH not to book swimming for that day. What happens on Saturdays? If you work and H is at home with the kids he could do swimming Saturdays if it’s important to him to go every week and on Sundays you can do a variety of different things.

Original poster
lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:36

Yes I've asked loads and DH just argues with me about it. It's quite upsetting as I enjoyed the job I left and the only reason I left was as it was on a Sunday.

My Sundays at work were happier than the ones at home. My new job is stressful and not nice and I'm spending a fortune on childcare so I can work in the week..

OP posts:
Original poster
lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:37

Yesterday DH went to football so I had to drop him off and pick him up, so we couldn't go far. I'm absolutely miserable at the moment.

OP posts:
cardboardbox24 · 05/11/2023 12:37

Then I would just sit down with him, explain how this feels to you and that you need things to change. I would alternate the swimming so that you do something as a family every other weekend. Also if you son loves the swimming so much, you could take him sometimes and DH could stay with your youngest.

YourNameGoesHere · 05/11/2023 12:38

It sounds like your husband is crap to be honest and swimming is the very least of your problems.

cardboardbox24 · 05/11/2023 12:39

And if this is indicative of wider issues between you and DH, maybe some couples counselling to help with your communication?

lljkk · 05/11/2023 12:41

mmmm... so your DH & DS have a great time at splash play (which builds water confidence, it has value) & look forward to that fun time together all week, but you'd rather drag them to a boring stately home instead.

What if you dropped them at swimming & you & the DD can go to the stately home or whatever you prefer?

Or insist you go back to working on Sundays since that was good for you.

Ahtishoo · 05/11/2023 12:42

Sounds a bit like DH taking the piss tbh, if he won’t consider not doing it every single week and also does what he likes on Saturdays. Clearly, it’s not just that you can’t do things all together if they’ve gone swimming, it’s also that if there’s only one car you and DD are limited in what you can do. I’m not surprised it’s getting you down :(

Loopytiles · 05/11/2023 12:43

The job is a red herring: your dp’s refusal to compromise or consider your and your DD’s views and feelings is the issue.

excessive to go weekly, for that long, when there’s not even swimming lessons involved and it’s straight up leisure.

margotrose · 05/11/2023 12:44

I think this is about your DH not wanting to parent both children - whereas if you're off work, you can deal with the toddler and he can go out and have fun with DS without needing to worry.

I would say to him that you stopped working Sundays to have more time as a family, not so he could disappear for several hours on his own.

CaptainBarnaclesandthevegemals · 05/11/2023 12:44

Why does your H think he should get to choose how weekends are spent every time? Especially since he asked you to change jobs to facilitate you both being available on Sundays.
Childcare is a joint family cost. Why are you paying it all?
I can see why this is making you miserable. You’ve sacrificed a job you like, loads of money and time with your daughter during the week and in return you get to wait around in the rain while your DS and H go for a swim. It’s not fair.

Ahtishoo · 05/11/2023 12:44

And if the rest of the family find stately homes ‘boring’ (I wouldnt!), the answer is to find something you can all agree on sometimes. Or, your DH stays at home (with or without kids) and you do what you like with the car. It’s about compromise.

CaptainBarnaclesandthevegemals · 05/11/2023 12:46

Is there a way to get to the pool without a car? Or things to do waiting round near the pool? Because one option you could use sometimes is to drop them off at the pool, go and do an activity you like where you like and they could take the bus home or hang out in town and you pick them up after your nice activity with your daughter.

Cactifly · 05/11/2023 12:47

Agree it's unfair. I also think it will become much less exciting for your son over time if he goes every week. Better to go fortnightly or monthly to really enjoy and appreciate it.

BTW, children very rarely learn to swim from school swimming lessons so if you're relying on that, I'd check he is actually improving.

Jaxhog · 05/11/2023 12:47

Coffeerum · 05/11/2023 12:19

It’s unreasonable to expect them to stop an activity they enjoy on the weekend and have been doing a while just because you have decided you now want to be available on the weekend.

This.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/11/2023 12:48

YABU. It comes across like you're totally disregarding your DD as a companion or someone to plan activities for in her own right. Have you always had a favourite? There are tons of things you can do with a 2-year-old at home and locally.
DH and DS's life shouldn't revolve around you and what you want, they've got their bonding time on Sunday mornings, why aren't you doing something with DD? You don't need a car to spend time with a 2 year old in a way that's meaningful to them.

1990thatsme · 05/11/2023 12:48

Who made DH King of the Weekends?

You need a second car, or he has to compromise on weekend activities so it’s not his way or the highway every weekend.

karnit · 05/11/2023 12:49

We go swimming every Sunday as a family. Sometimes it's a drag, especially in the winter months, but we see it as something to support their swimming and water confidence. Both our dcs take weekly lessons too but there's no time to just splash and play then (which is important for practising strokes). We deliberately choose the 9am slot so we have time to do family days out afterwards like tourist attractions and theatre trips. I like being able to do stuff as a family as my eldest is at school so they don't spend that much time together through the week.

cardboardbox24 · 05/11/2023 12:50

Jaxhog · 05/11/2023 12:47

This.

Show quote history

Eh? It was her DH who asked her to swap her days so they could spend family time together! And then goes off doing his own thing with the eldest (easiest) child.

ToadOnTheHill · 05/11/2023 12:53

Like someone else said, its unreasonable to expect them to change their routine if they are happy.

You're looking at this wring- your children are getting 1 to 1 time with you and you can spend time together in the afternoon or swap who takes each child.

I think you're unhappy on the new job and projecting.

zingally · 05/11/2023 12:53

They're not gone all day though surely? And just because it's a 90 minute session, doesn't mean they have to stay for all of that. My two are 6 - nearly 7, and during a "fun" swim session, are done after about 50 minutes.

stayathomer · 05/11/2023 12:53

Do one of you work on Saturdays or could you do that?