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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

202 replies

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:15

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

OP posts:
Coffeerum · 05/11/2023 12:56

My Sundays at work were happier than the ones at home. My new job is stressful and not nice and I'm spending a fortune on childcare so I can work in the week..

So are you off on Saturdays too? It seems a bit dramatic to claim your weekends are so awful and you’re so miserable because your DH brings your DS swimming so you would rather be at work.
I can’t imagine this is actually about the Sundays swimming.

A weekly activity commitment with a young school age child sounds quite normal.

PlantMum23 · 05/11/2023 12:57

1990thatsme · 05/11/2023 12:48

Who made DH King of the Weekends?

You need a second car, or he has to compromise on weekend activities so it’s not his way or the highway every weekend.

Presumably it is because he has done weekends alone for a while and has a weekend routine?

Personally I think swimming in a splash zone sounds way more fun than a walk around a stately home, and my kids are roughly the same ages as yours. I can guarantee the kids would prefer swimming too!

Surely there are other jobs you can do where you get weekends off? Or at least Sundays? Retail, for example - for one, Primark have different teams for weekend and midweek, and I’m sure other retailers are similar.

We also only have one car and in this situation I’d drop the eldest and husband at swimming and take toddler to soft play or similar. The following week I’d switch and I’d take the big one swimming and husband could do soft play with baby. Then I’d meet up and us all do dinner together.

Mirabai · 05/11/2023 12:57

Instead I either stay home with DD or wander round Bridlington aimlessly with her in her pushchair.

That’s on you. Surely you can find something more interesting to do with her seeing as you say you have interesting stuff around you. Why do you have to go with DH & DS?

Notnowbernard63 · 05/11/2023 12:58

i can see why you are upset. So currently DH gets Saturday to himself and gets to chose a middle
of the day activity every Sunday. I’d guess you are the parent that has to get up with the children Sunday morning and DP gets a nice lie in before taking the easier child to swimming…

There should Be so many options open as part of a compromise. Alternating who takes the 6 year old swimming, changing the swim time to then keep the rest of the day free… alternating between sat and sun for swimming altho im assuming Dad won’t be on board as it’ll impact his time.

Anneta · 05/11/2023 12:58

Could you find another warmer pool so that all of you can go together? You could then maybe go in the morning and add a lunch or a soft play visit in the afternoon.

Everydayimhuffling · 05/11/2023 12:58

Why is he always the one who goes swimming? Could you take turns? Or alternate who decides what happens each weekend?

I think you have to have the argument and make some changes. What's happening on Saturdays? Is one of you working then? Or if you are both home, who decides what to do on a Saturday?

Mirabai · 05/11/2023 12:59

Personally I think swimming in a splash zone sounds way more fun than a walk around a stately home, and my kids are roughly the same ages as yours. I can guarantee the kids would prefer swimming too!

You can’t, I loved looking at architecture and gardens as a kid. I loved swimming too. I would have liked to do both.

PlantMum23 · 05/11/2023 13:01

Mirabai · 05/11/2023 12:59

Personally I think swimming in a splash zone sounds way more fun than a walk around a stately home, and my kids are roughly the same ages as yours. I can guarantee the kids would prefer swimming too!

You can’t, I loved looking at architecture and gardens as a kid. I loved swimming too. I would have liked to do both.

You loved architecture when you were one? That’s … quite something.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/11/2023 13:01

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:31

@YourNameGoesHere I don't mind it but it's just every single one. There are loads of places to walk round as a family here, we've got Whitby, Scarborough, loads of places we could go.
Instead I either stay home with DD or wander round Bridlington aimlessly with her in her pushchair.

So make some plans before the next week's session is booked in. Or go somewhere in the morning, have lunch together and then all go swimming or leave DH to take DS.

He's taking his son to an activity he loves and you're upset because you'd rather walk around York sightseeing. I wonder which the 6 yo prefers.

kitsuneghost · 05/11/2023 13:02

Swimming every week is normal for kids
Would you be happy with every 2nd week? I think you may get away with that

Mirabai · 05/11/2023 13:02

PlantMum23 · 05/11/2023 13:01

You loved architecture when you were one? That’s … quite something.

Show quote history

They’re aged 6 and 2.

PlantMum23 · 05/11/2023 13:03

Mirabai · 05/11/2023 13:02

They’re aged 6 and 2.

Show quote history

Okay, I misquoted the younger ones age. I’ll try again.

You loved architecture at 2? That’s … quite something.

nc43214321 · 05/11/2023 13:04

Can they not go swimming on a Saturday?

Madcats · 05/11/2023 13:05

I think your main issue here is that DH is swanning off solo or with DS6, leaving you with a 2 year old who is picking up every cold going and is behaving like a...2 year old. 2 year olds are not 2 for ever.

East Riding Leisure Centre (I assume that's the place) appears to be open for the splash zone booking until 6pm.

That gives you a good window of 10-4pm to do something as a family. Either drop them off mid-afternoon or get them to drop you off close to home.

Can you not team up with another family? I'm just thinking that we often used to meet up in parks with a cafe or an NT property when DD was nursery age?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/11/2023 13:05

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:36

Yes I've asked loads and DH just argues with me about it. It's quite upsetting as I enjoyed the job I left and the only reason I left was as it was on a Sunday.

My Sundays at work were happier than the ones at home. My new job is stressful and not nice and I'm spending a fortune on childcare so I can work in the week..

Is your poor DD such hard work that neither of you want to be alone with her?

You could go out and do anything with DD, have a full day at the beach or walking around York, go to soft play or a museum or the art gallery, but instead you're miserable to be stuck with her.

Ellmau · 05/11/2023 13:06

I just think things like we have plenty of stately home type things with farm parks etc near us, we live near York so there is museums, even soft play!

Can you not take your DD to them?

honeylulu · 05/11/2023 13:06

I started off thinking YABU as family members don't have to do everything together every moment of the weekend. (Our family often does all different things/ activities and we converge for meals but that's about it!) But I've changed my mind after your updates for the following reasons:
It sounds like he engineered you giving up your Sunday job on false pretences (family time) because he can't be arsed to take the younger child along to swimming.
He hogs the car on Sunday so you are limited in what you can go and do with your daughter. And this is after also hogging the timetable on Saturday because you have to drop and collect him from football (it wasn't lost on me that you have both children during that time too).
He is unwilling to compromise on time by booking the earliest swimming slot which would get them back at 1.30pm and leave the whole afternoon to do something together or at least let you have the car.

I think a fair solution would be rotating weekends in threes. So week one you all go swimming. Week two DH and DS go to the early swimming slot and you have a joint family activity in the afternoon even if its movie time at home. Week three they go to later swimming and you do something local with your daughter.

Whether he is willing to listen at all though might be the problem. I think the only bargaining chip you would have is to say "OK I'm going to get another Sunday job then". Or better still start a Sunday hobby which you can't take DD to - be can hardly object if he has Saturday to do his own hobby.

margotrose · 05/11/2023 13:07

Jaxhog · 05/11/2023 12:47

This.

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But he wanted her to be around on weekends and is now buggering off with one child and leaving her with the toddler.

Coffeerum · 05/11/2023 13:09

So many people claiming 1pm is the huge issue too but they still have the whole morning.
Most 2 year olds are napping at 1pm, if one of us were doing an activity with a 6 year old DC then 1 would be a perfect time and the toddler could nap at home anyway.

FatLovableElf · 05/11/2023 13:12

Why can't you do day trips without a car? Why don't you enjoy spending time with one child?

Caterina99 · 05/11/2023 13:14

No I probably wouldn’t want to do this EVERY weekend

Surely the compromise is you do different things. not the same thing every weekend. Swimming doesn’t take all day and it’s good for awful weather too.

If DH is used to being alone with the kids on a Sunday then he’s probably used to making plans. So you need to make some plans instead

ginasevern · 05/11/2023 13:15

Tell your DH that you gave the job up to enjoy some Sunday family time. This isn't working out for you and your DD is basically missing out. Tell him you would like a family day 2 Sundays a month when you all go out together and everyone benefits. I think 2 swimming sessions a month for DH and DS are perfectly reasonable. Did you discuss this with DH before you gave your job up? Does he realise what your expectations were?

ElizabethAA · 05/11/2023 13:16

lazymummy1988 · 05/11/2023 12:31

@YourNameGoesHere I don't mind it but it's just every single one. There are loads of places to walk round as a family here, we've got Whitby, Scarborough, loads of places we could go.
Instead I either stay home with DD or wander round Bridlington aimlessly with her in her pushchair.

That would drive me nuts too!

Variety is the spice of life after all!

You have to suggest every other week ? What would he think about that ?

budgiegirl · 05/11/2023 13:17

I wouldn't be happy with this. There's nothing wrong with DH spending time with one of the DCs, but not every weekend, when it leaves the OP high and dry, and takes up most of the day.

OP, you and DH need to come to a compromise. DH and DS go every other weekend, and you get to pick what you all do as a family on the other weekend. And sometimes you get to go off with DS, and DH stays home without the car.

Cactifly · 05/11/2023 13:17

PlantMum23 · 05/11/2023 13:03

Okay, I misquoted the younger ones age. I’ll try again.

You loved architecture at 2? That’s … quite something.

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Actually, I don't think that's strange at all! On their day with him, my parents in law took my son to loads of stately homes between the ages of 18 months and 2.5 (when covid hit) and he adored them, particularly all the statues. It would never have occurred to me to take him but he really did love them.

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