To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

[lazymummy1988]

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

I have a bit of that feeling, too, and I can't swim.

A lot of parenting isn't about spending time as a family, it's about working together to give kids experiences that benefit them.
I can imagine your OH is thinking taking both kids swimming alone is too difficult so now you can come too it's Brill.
I understand not enjoying it yourself, but surely it's a sacrifice worth making?

You don't need to stay the whole 90 minutes, you can get DD a wetsuit or similar, you could go alternate weeks, you could find a different pool.

Tbh at 6 I would be looking at getting DS out of the splashzone and doing more actual swimming, which would probably be warmer for everyone and as PP said most pools have early family swim sessions.

You're doing a job you hate and having to pay for childcare, too? I would see if I could get my old job back, tbh.

These were actually the happiest memories of my kids growing up. Taking them swimming from 4-5:30pm on the slides etc. I would watch from the side (Ok my kids were a little older), then have a 20 minute swim as they dried themselves. Home for spaghetti cheese dinner, perhaps a bit of TV, then bedtime and stories with two tired boys. Magical memories.

@Mumof2teens79

nah! Op has given up a job she enjoys for more ‘family Time’ she doesn’t have to facilitate or engage in an activity she really doesn’t like

Of course YABU.

Of course going to a fun session in a splash pool is helping your ds's swimming skills - presumably a lot more than school lessons, which are generally pretty poor at teaching dc water skills.
If your dh tries taking them both, then they won't get anywhere near as much out of it - even if he is allowed (different pools have different rules in terms of 1:2 or 1:1 adult child in pool).
I can honestly say I hated taking mine swimming, and was so glad when the youngest turned 8 and I no longer had to get in the water with them, but it is so important they learn to swim and learn to be water confident, so it is just one of those things you do as a parent. YABVU to have the chance to go along with your dh to give both your dc the chance to go in the pool every week, and then not to take it.. Sometimes as parents, you do things because it is the right thing to do for the dc.

Yes, that looks like it.

OP, I’d tell him that you’re going back to work on those days and make it clear that you’re looking. Telling him very clearly that he’s just dropped childcare in you and there’s no family time. Tell him the swimming gets reorganised or done fortnightly or you’re back to work.

Why is he crap for wanting to spend time with his son?

OP is meant to be grateful that he likes to spend time taking 1/2 in of his children out and is displaying no concerns whatsoever that an aspect of his behaviour is making the woman he's supposed to love miserable?
Fuck me that's a low bar 🙄

I honestly can't think of a more depressing Sunday. And it's my least favourite day at the best of times!

@lazymummy1988 sorry havent read the whole thread but having fun at a splash zone with a 6 year old sounds a hell of a lot more fun than entertaining a 2 year old. I'd be firmly putting my foot down and saying I wanted to be the one at the splash zone. What would he say to that?

But if you were at work, and dd couldn't swim because of her colds, then ds wouldn't get to do something he enjoys because they'd have to stay at home with dd. I think it's a nice opportunity for you and dd to have some quality time, personally.

Every Sunday is too much and yes, it sounds like your DH didn't want the faff of looking after toddler DD.

I'd encourage it. Setting up your children to see sport as a normal and fun thing to do in spare time is invaluable.

Can’t you just do something with your daughter? Visit friends or friends or do a visit to park, train ride, far (even on bus if you only have a car, or drop them off and drive somewhere)? My dh used to spend most Sundays taking our ds to his football matches, so I used to just do something with dd. I would definitely not just hang around home feeling miserable and bored.

YANBU - why can’t they go swimming in the morning if that’s what they want to do - back before midday - leaving you time to do some family things together/enjoy a hobby of your own/or relax at home together

I think the issue here is the DH

Could you try taking a step back and have a conversation with your husband that walks him through your whole thought process in changing jobs to get your Sundays (although I'd have hoped you had this conversation with him before you changed jobs anyway?? But maybe he needs to hear it again...)

Eg

• We agreed that having family time all together on Sundays was important to us
• We agreed that changing my job would make that possible, so that's whet I did
• We want to spend Sundays as a family, doing joint activities where we can all be present, at least for the bulk of the day

[If he disagrees or isn't actually on board with any of this, then your issue isn't swimming, it's communication and teamwork]

• So...given all that, what would some Sunday plans that turn this plan into a reality look like?

I wouldn't mention swimming at any point in any of this, even this last question. Set out the parameters of the "brief", and then come up with some ideas that meet it together. If you have agreed on the parameters, it's impossible that he could suggest swimming as it doesn't "fit the brief" you both agreed. If you don't agree on the parameters, then that's the conversation you need to be having, not an argument about swimming.

Well Op said she doesn’t like going swimming, so that would a bit pointless.

Your DH is being a selfish twat.

I do sympathise, there's a lot of doing stuff you'd ideally not be doing in parenting. In your shoes I'd either be gritting my teeth and going for the swim with both kids and DH (maybe on condition that you went somewhere interesting beforehand?) or using it as an opportunity to spend some quality time with your daughter either at home or round town whilst they're swimming, as the above poster says.

I love a good stately home but I'd tear my eyeballs out trying to get my (actually relatively calm and well behaved) 6 year old to put up with it for more than half an hour, unless there was a soft play or a play area or some animals outside. I think maybe what you want in a family fun day is for slightly older kids, OP.

I think I'd see if they can book somewhere else for an earlier session.

To be honest it isn't that unusual for children to go swimming once a week. They need to learn to swim and to be confident at it. Your daughter should probably be swimming regularly too.

Alternatively could they/you go on a weeknight?

Ahh ok in this case - definitely at least alternate!

Most posters seem to think that is the ideal. OP should work aso her DH does all the childcare alone and who cares if her kids can't do anything. The only person in this family who seems to matter is OP. Imagine if a dad was complaining he can't handle 2 hours alone with his 2 year old without moaning nonstop because his wife takes the other kid swimming and he doesn't like swimming and so he will go back to work on weekends and she can do all the childcare herself.

Would the answers really be how his wife is a twat and should be doing it all alone and of course he shouldn't be expected to care for a 2 year old by himself and no his older kid shouldn't get to do anything fun with mom on the weekends. That dad is right - either they do the weekend how he wants and only how he wants or he is in the right to ditch the family and go to work and she can do it all herself.

We just went to Bridlington the other day, I'm thinking they go to the leisure centre pool on the beach front?

Could you not go to that big soft play right near the pool? Or take her on the beach if it's a nice day? I'm sure you could entertain yourself / DD for 90 mins!

I think it's great DH and DS want to do this! It's really good for DS and fun for them both.
I'd wave them off and embrace the time I get with DD...

If you want to do something else all together, book swimming for as late in day as possible.