To not want to go swimming every single weekend...

[lazymummy1988]

A couple of months ago I changed jobs so that I wasn't working Sundays, and could spend them as a family (DS6 & DD2)

Since I've changed.. every single Sunday DS and DH go swimming. Sometimes myself and DD come along but it's quite cold and she's usually got a cough or cold lately, and tbh I just don't enjoy it. So myself and DD either spend the day at home or wandering round the town aimlessly waiting for them to finish swimming.

AIBU to not want to do that every Sunday? I may as well go back to working them as they're not enjoyable family days I had in mind!

She can't, because lazy daddy is hogging the car. Sheesh.

I'm finding the responses mind boggling. In what world is it acceptable for a day EVERY week to be dominated by an activity that only half the family enjoy? If the OP was happy, then fair enough, but she isn't. It is right in the middle of the day, 30 mins each way, 90 minute swim and change time etc. OP gave up a job she enjoyed to facilitate a promised family day, assuming something would be chosen that everyone liked at least some of the time. No one is saying they should give up swimming, just that every week is too much, when it doesn't work for the whole family. Yes, I'm sure every so often the two girls out together would be lovely, but some weeks OP would like it to be the whole family and that's why she changed her life to allow that to happen. Her DH just argues and ignores her upset. Those commenting how much they love swimming, that's great, but OP doesn't.

Also, those saying go off and do something with DD, meet a friend etc, oh yes she can do that, but only within the swimming hours because then she has to be back to pick the boys up. Her time is totally being dictated by her DH, who won't even consider booking an earlier swim session because, 'he can't be arsed.' But according to many posters the OP is so lucky and how 'lovely' it is that DH wants to do some parenting (when it suits him). Unbelievable.

Why don’t you decide what you want to do and then he can drop you off before football and pick you up when you’re ready?

You both need to compromise. Explain to DH how much this is upsetting you. Then maybe suggest that him and DS could go swimming every other Sunday. You and DD will join them once every 4 weeks. So each month you will have:

• 2 Sundays as a family to do something different
• 1 Sunday where you all swim together
• 1 Sunday where DH and DS go swimming alone

And then you could take the lead in planning something nice and fun for the other 2 Sundays a month all together?

Tell your DH you’re going to return to weekend working as you’re unhappy?

This sounds crap OP

I think DH needs to be spending equal time with both kids, not just the older easier one. Also not fair that he takes the car limiting your options with DD.

So he alternates Sundays - one he has DS and they can go swimming if they want. Suggest he has DD in the mornings if swimming is in the afternoon.

The next sunday he has DD and he needs to do something local with her while you have DS and the car. OR you all do something together if that is your choice.

Why not use public transport with your DD? There's the Coastliner which goes to York, Whitby and Scarborough. Or do a train journey.

Ah. OK so your DH is being kind of a dick here. Splashing around on the slides is fuck all use for DS’s swimming skills. If he’s going to take up the majority of the Sunday then it needs to be structured lessons. Find out if you can get both kids in at the same time for lessons. You can alternate which parent takes them.
also you need to inform DH that he also needs boring quality time with DD. He can spend Saturday afternoon pushing her on the swings and looking for leaves while you and DS do something.
I realise this is not the family time you wanted but DH does not get to control everything and monopolise the car. If he finds parenting a toddler alone a bit too much then you may find he’s quite keen on family time!
sorry your job is miserable. Is there a way you can try to get your old job back on different days?

Sorry. Everyone dentition didn’t see that one.

I would go too tbh, fun for the littler one too

The only part that’s unreasonable is speaking about “myself and dd”😉

So .... Swimming by 11... Ends at 1230; 10 mins to get changed... They are home at 1.10pm approx. Plenty of day left. Yabvu. Find an activity to do with DD while they're gone and all do something in the afternoon.

Why don't you do things as a family on Saturday. Or join them on Sunday - if not in the pool, then you can walk or play with DD in a park or place near the pool. I think swimming is a great past time and way to pass part of a weekend. You still have all of Sunday morning as family time too.

I think there are many people who don't want to parent solo on the weekend while their spouse works just to avoid being at home and to avoid sharing the childcare duties. Many women would feel like your DH - that you should share weekend childcare and that working to avoid that is not it.

So .... Swimming by 11... Ends at 1230; 10 mins to get changed... They are home at 1.10pm approx.

They aren't though. OP later said...

They usually book the 1pm-2pm session as DH can't be arsed to get there earlier meaning it's done by 2.30-3.30 and then it's too late to go anywhere else  I wouldn't mind every other weekend but it's every single bloody Sunday.

It depends what you want to do OP.

If you want to go to a theme park then yes you’re going to need all day.

If you just want to go for a walk then you can go that in the morning for Saturday.

The swimming is a family activity.
The only time you can’t join in is when DD is poorly and then you and DH can alternate.

Tbh though I do think it’s unfair that posters are suggesting that your DS and DD have to stop their fun activity on Sundays, just to spend time as a family.

If you want to do something different then you should do it on Saturdays instead.

Why should kids get to miss out on their hobby but an adult can still do his hobby.

Just tell your son and husband that you don't want to do it every week and plan something else exciting so your son doesn't think it's an unfair swap.

And on the days they do go plan something with your daughter. I'd be miserable if I wanderer round Bridlington every Sunday! At least walk up to Sewerby Hall.

Or ask them to book the latest session possible and then you can do something as a family beforehand. You can literally book the 4:30 session.

Yup, I’d be seriously pissed off. Whether the intention is there or not, you and dd are being excluded, this should be a weekday evening thing. I’d be asking my old job if I could go back. He’s using your precious day off to do just what he wants, with no consideration.

@Nineteendays

It would be a shame for your DS if he couldn’t go anymore when he loves it“

he doesn’t need to go every single Sunday though, there are more than his needs to consider in the family
including OP’s

The logical compromise is swimming every other week and your choice of activity every other week and that he spends the same quality time with dd at some point in the week that he does with ds. I understand your frustration. After juggling school and work family time becomes very precious. However you need to work with DH to find a solution. Neither of you is wrong as such you just need to communicate

Please don't ever say this stuff infront of your daughter it really makes it sound like you don't like spending time with her.

But all 3 of them enjoy swimming, apart from OP.

It seems unfair that 3/4 enjoy it but can’t go every week because 1/4 doesn’t want to do it anymore.

Why can’t they do something on a Saturday instead or do it before/after swimming.

I can imagine if it was DH wanting to stop the Sunday swimming as he now had a day off, everyone would be saying it’s unfair.

Hand over dd let him manage two children not one

That sounds really lovely. My DS goes to a swim class early on Saturdays that is specifically for kids with disabilities. But there is a family fun class on Sunday afternoon- I think I will start doing what you do - it sounds like such a lovely, relaxing and bonding thing to do.

Why? He did all childcare alone on Sundays while OP worked for who knows how long. Why can't she also do some childcare on weekends?

Sounds like they can’t do anything on Saturday because Swim Twat Dad goes to footie.