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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

745 replies

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 21:15

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

OP posts:
Dinglewoop · 04/11/2023 23:18

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:15

A what?

@CallmePaul please either quote (press three buttons on right for the option) or @ the name of the person you're replying to. It's super hard to follow otherwise 🙏

MavisMcMinty · 04/11/2023 23:19

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:14

?? for what hideous crime? I'm happy for mumsnet to video call me & put my daughter on the call, my lord why would I make this up?

What an odd unfulfilled life you must lead

Abusing women is bold, from a brand new poster, on a mainly women’s talkboard.

Original poster
CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:21

Not a good egg? my lord

OP posts:
Flufferblub · 04/11/2023 23:21

Needs to be more parent and child toilets

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:21

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:14

?? for what hideous crime? I'm happy for mumsnet to video call me & put my daughter on the call, my lord why would I make this up?

What an odd unfulfilled life you must lead

Mumsnet has a long history of, how do I say this?, men with unusual fetishes posting threads about toilet use. Posters are wary of such men returning and have mistaken you for one of them.

Look at the picture. If you press ... in the top right of the post you are replying to and then tap “ Quote, the post you are replying to will be displayed in full at the top of your reply. This helps with following the conversation.

Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)
BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:22

MavisMcMinty … abusing?!!!! What abuse?

Original poster
CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:23

Read my post again, I did use the 1st available toilet

OP posts:
BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:24

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia

OMG! That’s so helpful. I’ve been in here for years and hadn’t figured that out. I always copy and paste and then make it bold. Doh!!! Don’t I feel daft.

Dinglewoop · 04/11/2023 23:24

BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:22

MavisMcMinty … abusing?!!!! What abuse?

He said to someone 'what an odd unfulfilled life you must lead' - I think this is what this poster is referring to in regards to abuse

BIossomtoes · 04/11/2023 23:25

It’s fine by me.

Original poster
CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:27

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:21

Mumsnet has a long history of, how do I say this?, men with unusual fetishes posting threads about toilet use. Posters are wary of such men returning and have mistaken you for one of them.

Look at the picture. If you press ... in the top right of the post you are replying to and then tap “ Quote, the post you are replying to will be displayed in full at the top of your reply. This helps with following the conversation.

Show quote history

Ok thanks for the quote help.

I don't have a toilet fetish tho!

OP posts:
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:29

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:23

Read my post again, I did use the 1st available toilet

I'm guessing that you might be replying to me? In which case, I'm sorry, I missed the bit about the one cubicle in the gents being in use.

In which case, I can understand why you did it, but please also understand why the woman who objected would object and don't hold that against her. You don't know her past.

I also really hate how disabled loos are locked by default in so many places. If you have a continence problem and you forget or lose your radar key, you are up shit creek all too literally.

Original poster
CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:29

Dinglewoop · 04/11/2023 23:18

@CallmePaul please either quote (press three buttons on right for the option) or @ the name of the person you're replying to. It's super hard to follow otherwise 🙏

Show quote history

Just been explained to me, sorry didn't realise, yes must look odd, I thought if I clicked reply to someone it quoted it.

OP posts:
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:30

BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:24

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia

OMG! That’s so helpful. I’ve been in here for years and hadn’t figured that out. I always copy and paste and then make it bold. Doh!!! Don’t I feel daft.

It's quite a recent feature.

BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:32

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:30

It's quite a recent feature.

Show quote history

Thanks. I don’t feel quite so daft then!

Wt12 · 04/11/2023 23:33

Personally I would not mind. My daughter is 4 in a few months. We used the Tesco toilets today. She cannot reach to sit on the toilet or to flush. I had to pick her up and help her. She wouldn't be able to lock the door, she can't reach the sink, she wouldn't be able to open the main heavy door. I don't agree that at 4, every child is able to use the loo unsupervised. I don't think you did anything wrong

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 04/11/2023 23:35

A man is no more invading your privacy being in the same toilet as a woman is ....

Original poster
CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:36

MavisMcMinty · 04/11/2023 23:19

Abusing women is bold, from a brand new poster, on a mainly women’s talkboard.

Show quote history

Calling someone out is really rather different to abuse no?

I didn't know how to do the quote thing (just been shown) so it looks odd now out of context to the person I was replying to, but if I'm called some pretty incendiary stuff I think I'm allowed to retort?

Only I didn't tell them to fuck off like they did to me.

OP posts:
BrontëParsonage · 04/11/2023 23:37

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:29

I'm guessing that you might be replying to me? In which case, I'm sorry, I missed the bit about the one cubicle in the gents being in use.

In which case, I can understand why you did it, but please also understand why the woman who objected would object and don't hold that against her. You don't know her past.

I also really hate how disabled loos are locked by default in so many places. If you have a continence problem and you forget or lose your radar key, you are up shit creek all too literally.

Show quote history

That’s presumably because the disabled toilets are regularly used and abused by people who are not disabled?

Tiiredofthiss · 04/11/2023 23:39

I've never had a problem with dads taking young children into the ladies' loo personally. I would shrug her reaction off. It won't be long before your little one will be able to use a public loo by herself so hopefully this doesn't become a regular issue for you anyway.

SoTired12 · 04/11/2023 23:42

For all the people saying he was wrong... would you say the same if he was wearing a dress and identified as the childs mother?

BottleShipDown · 04/11/2023 23:43

CallmePaul · 04/11/2023 23:36

Calling someone out is really rather different to abuse no?

I didn't know how to do the quote thing (just been shown) so it looks odd now out of context to the person I was replying to, but if I'm called some pretty incendiary stuff I think I'm allowed to retort?

Only I didn't tell them to fuck off like they did to me.

Show quote history

MN is a bit rabid at the moment. I’ve been on a few threads where people are getting OTT angry about things that just don’t require that level of anger. I’m not sure why.

You’ve asked a perfectly reasonable AIBU. Most people have said you did the right thing. You were doing what any good parent would.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:43

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 04/11/2023 23:35

A man is no more invading your privacy being in the same toilet as a woman is ....

Yes he is. I would accept being undressed in a room with other women, but not with men. I would accept using the toilet in a room full of cubicle toilets with other women, but not men.

Privacy in the context of nudity doesn't mean total solitude, it means not having to expose yourself to the opposite sex or have them exposed to you in order to use a facility. In the case of loos, this includes noise exposure as well. I don't want a man to hear me changing my sanitary towel.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/11/2023 23:46

SoTired12 · 04/11/2023 23:42

For all the people saying he was wrong... would you say the same if he was wearing a dress and identified as the childs mother?

Yes, if it wasn't the case that he was only in there in extremis. Which he's explained that he was.

This kind of question is heading into FWR territory.

Itsjustagoogleaway · 04/11/2023 23:47

BrontëParsonage · 04/11/2023 23:37

That’s presumably because the disabled toilets are regularly used and abused by people who are not disabled?

Show quote history

Disabled toilets are accessible toilets for the use of all people.
They are not and have never been for the exclusive use of disabled people.
They are not the same as disabled parking spaces which are for the exclusive use of blue badge holders,