To not go out tonight?

[halloweenn]

It’s my friend’s hen do. I know her through work, though we stopped working together a year ago. I don’t know anyone else going - a mutual friend pulled out.

The rest of the guests are her friends, her family, and her partner.

She wants to go to a sit down meal £70 per person, then potentially a bar afterwards. Her family doesn’t drink so it will be a dry night for all whilst they’re present.

I’ve just got home from travelling for work for 4 nights and just feel mentally exhausted with a low appetite for socialising with new people. My friend is going all out with her dress/hair/makeup and will be taking photos all night (understandably), whereas I can’t bring myself to get ready to that extent. Aibu?

@nightnurse82 exactly, sounds lush. No alcohol served so no drunks rambling on. Spending an evening getting to know a group of women prior to the wedding, having an excuse not to go to a club or whatever if op doesn't fancy it, but enjoying the dinner and some company.

And will it really be £70?

I reckon it will be far more as they add in mock tails and other stuff and pay for the bride share.

So I'd not go unless I knew £70 was it and I'd lose it all if not go. If there are lots going I'd pull out. It's an ex work mate, does it matter if you don't see her again?

I realise it's 7pm and decision made by now.

I'd just have a think after this about accepting invitations to things you don't actually want to go to. It's much better to just say no at the outset than flake out later.

Go, have dinner, leave after the meal. She’ll be so grateful you’ve turned up and you’ll feel good for having made the effort. Then home and crash in bed! You have to eat anyway.

I think this is my favourite response of all – how about you go and be an adult about it eg. engage, behave as if you want to be there and don’t clock watch. You know, just don’t be rude AF?

Sometimes the best nights out are when you really didn’t feel like going

Some posters are using this thread to project their own issues - your friends cancelling on you doesn’t make me horrible. This friend has cancelled on me last minute countless times and I haven’t ever done that - I’m not holding it against her but some of you seem to be projecting that resentment on me which is odd.

Or they just disagree with you probably? Unless she cancelled last minute on your hen do it’s not really comparable.

I would go she likes you enough to have invited you even though you haven't seen each other much, leave after the meal, you can wear a nice top with jeans as all anyone sees at a meal is your top half

Youll meet some nice new people

Very rude to cancel last minute just cos you don’t fancy it. I’d be hurt if I was your friend.

It would have been fine of you'd said no from the start, but not to pull out now.

It's the sort of thing where people say "of course don't worry" but the friendship's never quite the same again. So I guess it depends if you mind, it doesn't sound like you would.

I don't believe you have nothing to wear. You may not be as chic and well turned out as the bride but that's fine - tonight isn't about you.

It's really shitty to pull out of something like this at the last minute. Dress up, have a couple of drinks at home and get down there. Smile, chat, be polite and head home after the meal. Job done.

It sounds like she was put on the spot with slapdash last-minute arrangements. What a completely crap evening.

I know it is too late to influence one way or the other but I am on the fence. On the one hand I think none of us should do things we really dont want to do out of guilt, but then on the other hand, if everyone pulls out of things at the last minute it is a bit crap!

I wouldnt fancy it but would probably go and make the most of it Like someone else said, often you are glad in the end to have gone and it is a bit different.

What a completely crap evening.

@LaurieStrode

Where are you getting this from? 😳

If you don’t feel up to it, a friend would understand. Sounds like a tough week, don’t go if you don’t want to, life is too short.

No wonder every 2nd thread on here is people moaning they are lonely / have no friends / don't have a single person they can call in an emergency.

Good grief. This is someone's hen do.

If you're a good friend, you don't expect them to "understand" that you're a bit tired and CBA - instead you put yourself out a bit for them and you don't let them down last minute.

I understand why you feel like you do. I also find going out hard and often feel like bailing.

BUT - this is your friend's hen do. She has invited you. This stuff matters. It's not just one night, it's a big deal and your actions will be remembered. If you care about your friend at all, you go.

When I feel like pulling out of things, I remind myself how lucky I am to have been invited. That someone thought of me and wanted to include me and what a privilege that is.

So horrible.
We're all tired. Don't treat people like shit.

Nope, it's still rife but more of a mild flu.

I hate it when people pull out last minute. I'd rather they just didn't commit or give plenty of notice. I'd not want to go out after 4 days working away but I'd know that so would have said earlier.

Life is short, so stay home alone instead of celebrating a friend's special event?

I did go, and got home a couple of hours ago. Average night tbh, I don’t regret going but I could have happily stayed home. Barely spoke to bride to be as we were on other ends of table. Lots of photos taken, all of which I looked like a tired mess in, hope they don’t resurface soon!

So glad you went op, even if it was a bit poo it's way better than flaking on people.