To not go out tonight?

[halloweenn]

It’s my friend’s hen do. I know her through work, though we stopped working together a year ago. I don’t know anyone else going - a mutual friend pulled out.

The rest of the guests are her friends, her family, and her partner.

She wants to go to a sit down meal £70 per person, then potentially a bar afterwards. Her family doesn’t drink so it will be a dry night for all whilst they’re present.

I’ve just got home from travelling for work for 4 nights and just feel mentally exhausted with a low appetite for socialising with new people. My friend is going all out with her dress/hair/makeup and will be taking photos all night (understandably), whereas I can’t bring myself to get ready to that extent. Aibu?

How much expense did you incur?

The set menu was £70, plus around £12 for soft drinks, then £25 ish in taxis

You did the right thing in going. Well done, op. 🌟

I don't understand people that say it sounds shit and not to go. Do you not value your friends feelings? It's her hen so she should be able to celebrate it how she likes and it doesn't sound like she chose something unreasonable. If you value your friendships then you should make an effort to show up for people even if it's not what you would choose!

I’m glad it was semi-decent and I’m sure the bride noticed and appreciated you being there even if you didn’t get much of a chance to chat this time. Hopefully it will make the wedding when it comes more fun as you’ll now know more of the guests.

It was the kind thing to go, and also creating good karma for future events where you’ll want people to show up for you. Hope you had some well-earned cozy jammy time when you got home and have the chance for a proper rest and decompress today.

You did the right thing OP.

don’t get me wrong, the night was everything I expected in terms of awkwardness.

I was the only person she knew through work there, she could have done more to include me as she barely acknowledged me eg she didn’t introduce me to her friends/family. Felt tacked on. But it’s her day etc

I wouldn’t say I bonded with anyone & will be glad when the wedding’s over.

I think you just know in your gut if an outing is worth going to, experience will speak volumes. I’ll be more selective with my time going forward

This. If you drink water then it can't be much more than £70
You'll meet people who will be going to the wedding.

It's fine to be selective, but you do that when you receive the invitation, not days before.

I think what made it worth going to is being a decent friend to this person.

If it is a friendship you value, then sometimes you sit through suboptimal evenings to support them. Hopefully they would do the same and come along to things they may not fancy that much to make occasions a success for you.

Obviously if the friendship isn't one you value, then you wouldn't bother with their special occasions and would stop calling them a friend.

Is the wedding soon? If it doesn’t cost her, think I’d tell her you’re not going. You’re going to be alone all day.

Well done for going. It was the right thing to do. You are also right to be careful not to acccept invitations without really thinking about whether or not you want to go.

Well done for going OP.
However, I don't think I would be going to the wedding, it could be a repeat of the hen night if you don't know anyone.

Yeah I don't get this. I don't drink but have just returned from a weekend away with DH's family where 50% were quite drunk. The others were either children or adults having a few drinks but not getting drunk. I was the only teetotal one

You don’t “get” cultural differences? They’re Muslim and don’t eat at establishments that serve alcohol nor with people drinking alcohol

That is unusual though? I know lots of Muslims, some Salvationists and people who are teetotal because they need to avoid alcohol to protect themselves. I don't know anyone who'd refuse to have dinner at a table where wine is served.

That is unusual though? I know lots of Muslims, some Salvationists and people who are teetotal because they need to avoid alcohol to protect themselves. I don't know anyone who'd refuse to have dinner at a table where wine is served.

You must know a very limited selection of people.

It sounds like she was put on the spot with slapdash last-minute arrangements. What a completely crap evening.

Why are you just making stuff up @LaurieStrode ?

I know people who don’t drink for religious reasons not one of them has asked me not to drink in their presence

I think you just know in your gut if an outing is worth going to, experience will speak volumes. I’ll be more selective with my time going forward

Absolutely - but the time to be selective is when you're invited, not a couple of hours before you're due to meet up.

I'm not 'making up' anything; the OP posted this yesterday!

"It has all been slap dash arranged last minute as the bride didn’t want a hen - some posters are acting like I signed a contract months in advance with the specifics laid out"

Exactly! The Strict Muslims I know don’t visit places that serve alcohol, even our work dos were at restaurants that were both halal and didn’t have a bar to be inclusive. Places like Nando’s are even off limits