To not go out tonight?

[halloweenn]

It’s my friend’s hen do. I know her through work, though we stopped working together a year ago. I don’t know anyone else going - a mutual friend pulled out.

The rest of the guests are her friends, her family, and her partner.

She wants to go to a sit down meal £70 per person, then potentially a bar afterwards. Her family doesn’t drink so it will be a dry night for all whilst they’re present.

I’ve just got home from travelling for work for 4 nights and just feel mentally exhausted with a low appetite for socialising with new people. My friend is going all out with her dress/hair/makeup and will be taking photos all night (understandably), whereas I can’t bring myself to get ready to that extent. Aibu?

So you were never planning to go if you hadn't even bothered to sort an outfit earlier in the week?

You need to buy something? You didn't think of this before? The alternative is to paint a smile on and turn up for an hour or two.

Her family doesn’t drink for religious reasons and I believe the restaurant doesn’t serve alcohol either. Mutual friend and I were going to meet up beforehand and have a drink.

You said 'And potentially a bar afterwards'.

So if you're going for a drink before and after, surely you can keep off the booze just while you're eating?

YwouldNhaveBU to turn down the invitation in the first place,

but

YABVU to pull out last minute, especially knowing someone else already has done. If you can't socialise without alcohol, then you should have turned down the original invitation.

You suck it up and go because that's the decent thing to do. Have a coffee and a shower if you're tired.

All this stuff about not having a nice enough outfit or her family not drinking is irrelevant because you knew all about it when you agreed to go in the first place.

Do you do this often op? If it’s a one off fair enough, if you regularly flake out then you need to be aware that you will start loosing friendships. I know how you feel as I often feel too tired and low to socialise, but I try to work around it better now. I say no to much more straight away, people are happier with that as it doesn’t mess them about. I also better plan so I have recuperation gaps.

Wear what you planned to wear before you knew your other friend had dropped out. Have a drink at home if you can't socialise sober. If there is no alcohol served at the restaurant surely the evening doesn't need to cost much more than the meal (unless you decide to go on to a bar afterwards)?

To be fair I only got paid on the 1st and I’ve been travelling all week since then, in a storm and with train delays, getting to hotels at 11pm etc. it’s something I’ve been meaning to do but hard with a flat battery or poor signal when out

It’s a bit concerning that you’re so dependent on alcohol to have a good evening, tbh.

I would go, you will probably have fun when you get there.

If she’s another culture, I think it’s sad you can only integrate with her if there is alcohol involved.

Why ask you were never planning to go anyway.

Did you not but something anyway I mean your friend was supposed to be going of course you will have something to wear the bride can wear her dress it's not about you. Although you do sound miserable so you are going to pull out anyway so you are as well letting her know now rather than later on.

That’s not how it panned out - we had dinner a month ago with mutual friend and 2 of her friends. A hen party group chat was set up…but went quiet. No specifics had been set up at that point - I thought that was the group of people going but it transpires that only me and the bride will be there out of those who went.

not drinking isn’t a big deal, however it’s easier to socialise with a bunch of new people after a cocktail, especially when you’re not otherwise in the mood

My thoughts exactly.

Well have a wine before you go out most people can honestly manage to go for dinner without a drink first but if you are feeling nervous/intimidated by meeting these people then don't go.

Some restaurants that don't sell alcohol will allow you to bring your own. Ask if that's possible and take a bottle of wine with you.
Otherwise yoi might have to grin and bear it for a couple of hours until you can escape to a pub

I'm not sure why you posted. You clearly aren't going. Sounds like you had made your mind up about that a long time ago. You don't have to justify yourself to the internet. You need to apologise your friend

Op, it’s very rude to drop out now. Figure something out. Have a couple of glasses of wine at home, put some music on and get in the mood.

Have a drink before you leave if it's so important.

But you clearly don't want to go so I don't know why you bothered posting. Just don't be surprised if your friend can't be arsed with you anymore after this.

Most restaurants that don’t serve alcohol let you take your own. Can you take a couple of bottles of lager or a bottle of wine. I agree with pp it’s too late to back out now.
als you must have something nice to wear already

Excuses excuses excuses blah blah blah. There'll probably be a post on here in a weeks time from some poor woman who had no one turn up on her hen night. This is exactly why I don't bother organising things anymore.

I get frustrated when people pull out last minute. Shows how much you don't care. Just go for the meal, make small talk then go home. Don't let your friend down.

I think you are just coming up with excuses. Like others have said, wear what you were going to wear. If you only go for the meal a nice blouse and trousers will be fine. Have a glass of wine to relax before you go. It's rude to drop out at the last minute just because you can't be bothered.

OP can you say you've come down with a dodgy stomach or something? Say you are gutted to not be able to go and offer your share of the meal? As you said, it will be cheaper than going, and if you want to go to the wedding you can go with the knowledge that you've not left her/rest of the party having to cover for the cost of your meal?

It’s really shitty to pull out at the last minute, but you’re clearly going to. Very poor behaviour.