Husband got Prosecution Notice for 5 and 7 yr old No Seat Belts

[PoppyMK]

My husband received a Notice of Prosecution from the Police because he has apparently been caught driving on the M25 with our two children in the back of the car without seats belts (unclear which child it is, or whether it's both, from the notice).

I am concerned because we are in the process of separating and I want to know exactly what happened so i can make a judgement about whether my children are safe with him. AIBU or overreacting?

I have tried asking him about this - first he claimed he didn't know they had no seat belt on, then he claimed they wouldn't listen to him to stop trying to climb over the back of the seats.

I have no idea how to go about obtaining whatever evidence the Police have - but it would seem to be important that I have access to it as the co-parent of both children?

As an aside, I'm pretty certain he hasn't even responded to the notice by the deadline as I've seen what look like at least two further letters arrive for him, but as that is a problem for him and the consequences of which he will face, which will presumably be automatic points on his licence in addition to those he'll already get for the actual offence.

At 5 & 7, I’d expect both children to remain seated with their seat belts on during a car ride. Both children will now be in some formal education setting and will know about rules and if you break rules there are consequences, so I can’t think of any excuse of why these children think it’s acceptable . I also wanted to add there is a lot of negative towards the dad of the children and its clear from your posts that you parent differently but sitting sensibly in a car is none negotiable for me.

I honestly can't believe how judgemental people are being here, with minimal information. It's more than likely that the kids unstrapped themselves and he obviously wasn't sure what to do. I agree with others that stopping on the hard shoulder is dangerous in itself.
The main point is that he is being dealt with legally, the idea that she should try to take his children away over this is just cruel.

Children misbehave and seems you both need to get on the same page regarding discipline, as they are only going to get worse during a divorce so you both need to have a united front regarding their behaviour.

Why would the police send her any evidence? It’s nothing to do with her. And if there are photographs what difference would it make if the OP has them? He’s already told her about the NIP and if he’s prosecuted that information would be public record.
If he was stopped by the police then you would think a 5 and 7 year old would mention daddy talking to the police. He’s probably either been observed by an officer who couldn’t stop so has sent the NIP/s172 afterwards or a member of public has sent in dashcam to op snap and the letter has come from them.

Children not in seatbelts on motorway is serious. He then blamed the kids when he is the responsible adult. Then he ignores the letters. I personally wouldn't trust him to drive them anywhere again. What a prick, I can see why he is going to be an ex.

PeachyPeachTrees Maybe the kids were to blame

He's the responsible adult but if the children take their seatbelts off on the motorway then the children are to blame as they are both more than old enough to know that seatbelts in the car are non-negotiable and taking them off is very dangerous.

As the driver he had to make a decision - which was more dangerous: stopping immediately on the hard shoulder to restrain the children as quickly as possible so he's stopped for as short a period of time as possible (due to the high risk of being hit by another driver as being on the hard shoulder is the most dangerous place to be on a motorway) or getting into the left hand lane, slowing as much as possible and driving on to the nearest junction/services (while the children are not fastened into their seats they are still safer in the car on the motorway when it's moving than when stationary) where he could stop safely, take a break from driving (often a situation like this can cause the driver to need a few minutes as the adrenaline from the shock wears off), have the time to explain why their actions were so dangerous and then securely restrain the children before setting off again.

‘We don't know that he didn't take decisive action at the time’

This comment has to be one of the most self-righteous I've read.

From his behaviour afterwards and what OP has said so far, he didn’t and doesn’t take decisive action with the DC..

If the police saw him stopping to deal with the situation there would’ve been more likely to follow and speak to him or not issued this.

If he pulled over at the next services to deal with the DC it will form part of his defence.

I can't remember the stats now but the casualty rate on the hard shoulders is very high. Hence why I couldn't quite understand all the complaining about smart motorways, as no motorway is safe if you break down or need to stop for another reason.

I totally agree, and I just don't buy that all the parents posting here have perfectly behaved kids all the time. My ds never tried to undo a seatbelt but that was just because he didn't, not because of my superior "parenting".

@LoneFemaleTraveller they are now...! if you read my follow up you'll see that we frantically consulted the manual to find out how to put them on! (Car was newish to us at least).

There are a lot of people who aren’t that familiar with M25

Hard shoulder, did you mean the inside lane. Because that is what counts as the hard shoulder in a lot of sections

Services 🤣🤣🤣 The next services could be 30 miles away. There are only 4 service stations on the whole of the M25

emmalou I am guessing you either have no children or one child who is a girl. You remind me of a group of mums who had only one girl child each who would stand in the playground before and after school and congratulate themselves on their brilliant parenting as they had taught their dds to not jump in puddles or roll in the mud or run around shouting or take their seatbelts off when they were driving.
Add to the fact that their dds were in the highest reading group and they really thought they were much better parents.
Then one of the group had a little boy and suddenly it dawned on her that it wasn’t her parenting ability that meant her dd didnt runaround But the fact it was just her dds personality

All the parenting tricks she had used to turn her dd into this well behaved child top group child didn’t work on her ds.
He would laugh at her when she told him not to roll in the mud, jump in puddles run off in the supermarket car park and take his seatbelt off in the car and there was nothing she could do to get him to stop.