How do you afford stuff for yourself?

[Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs]

I remember once upon a time, floating around the shops buying myself clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc. I work part time now but earn a similar amount and Dh is now on more money, but after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over. I got myself two jumpers, but that’s it and I need much more. There’s just always so much to buy and that with just one child. I don’t know how people manage. Our mortgage has shot right up, but I have a degree and supposedly good career, do you have money to get yourself a winter wardrobe etc?

We organise our finances jointly.

We aggregate total income, subtract all bills and then spilt what is left equally.

Yes I do, but then I don't need a whole winter wardrobe, I wear things from previous years.

To be fair, after getting a mortage and having kids to buy stuff for I doubt many people (not ones that I know anyway!) can afford to float around the shops buying clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc! Not until they are much older and the mortgage is paid off and the kids have left home anyway.

Theoretically I have enough to buy myself a few bits...but then I think of all the birthdays and Christmas and a million things I need for the house and it puts me off

In a word, nope. All of our money goes on DS and family/house stuff. And as you said the bloody mortgage increase 🙄

A lot of people really rate Vinted but tbh I prefer shopping in person so I just go round the charity shops. I’ve got some good stuff in there. Get my posh skincare for Christmas and birthdays with some vouchers for M&S undies and that’s it.

I don’t mind. It’s more the lack of time for myself that bothers me - just to do some yoga, have a bath, do my nails/face. If someone gave me the choice between £50 a week or three child free hours I’d take the hours!!

@IsDaveThere A lot of people have lots of lovely clothes though from what I’ve seen

No DC to buy for yet! That's the main tip I've gathered from myself (no DC) vs everyone I'm friends with who have them 😂

Well then they either earn more, have lower outgoings or prioritise clothes etc over other spending.

More stuff doesn't make people happy though, it's often a substitute for emotions and feelings like not having enough time for yourself.

Follow My Frugal Year on Instagram, I've found her very inspiring.

We could afford it but I don't want to fritter money on new clothes and bags. The stuff I own is enough to see me through for years (5 or maybe 10). Jumpers and coats don't wear out that quickly as they don't get washed that often. I never tumble dry anything as it tends to wear clothes out, and I find even cheap brands last years.

I buy some bits for me and DCs secondhand, which saves a fair bit. We stocked up on new bits on Sainsbury's Tu a few weeks ago with 25% off. I only wear practical shoes now (trainers or walking boots) which last for years. Sometimes I buy stuff from Aliexpress (cheap clothes from China). We get some hand me downs from DC's cousins although it's often the less practical clothes (lots of dresses) so still have to buy a few things.

Earn more - not being sarcastic, but when your salary covers the need of 2 people instead of 1, you obviously don't have the same pocket money.
Holidays cost more, because you have to pay for at least one more seat, one more meal and so on.

Buy cheaper - for kids and you

Sell everything instead of giving it away

Accept your choices: theres' nothing wrong at all to spend your money on kids activities, kids equipment instead of your own perfume. You are just spending.. differently, and rightly so

Charity shops
Buying less but better
Living in London so no room for lots of clothes!

I tend to spend more money on experiences these days as I WFH most of the time, so I don't really need fabulous clothes

Oh also I don't buy new coats, boots and jumpers every year. My current coat is 3 years old and going strong. So are my boots. The retailers will tel you need to keep "updating" your look. Nope. You don't.

I have a ‘treat yourself’ pot in my Monzo app. I do matched betting in my spare time and put half into the treat yourself pot and the other half is in a short term savings pot, eg it’s for Christmas at the moment. It means I don’t have to use my salary for things I need which is just aswell because it inevitably gets swallowed up by things everybody else needs.

after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over

Did she need all that new stuff or did you want to get it for her?

I honestly never have to think about stuff like this. I realise it’s a very privileged position to be in, but I just buy what I want. We don’t have the sort of finances to which purchasing clothing makes any sort of tangible difference.

I hope I don’t get attacked for saying this. You did ask.

I can't get everything I want for myself all at once. I need to plan and space it out, for example this month I replaced all my socks and got a cardigan. Next month I'm planning to get jeans and PJs. Also I now go for quality over quantity on clothes.

Also we have separate budgets each month for everything, so children's clothes, gifts, leisure comes out of a different budget from my personal spending money. I have about £100pm to cover my own clothes, toiletries and socialising. It's not a lot, but nothing for the children comes out of that budget.

Sorry I misread your post. Fast growing kids may well winter stuff every year. Mine are grown now.

Every month I put 55% of my salary into the joint account, and all bills/child/household expenses are paid from there. 10% goes in our joint savings, 10% goes in my personal savings, and 15% goes in my personal disposable income account.

from that, I pay for all my clothes, personal care, gym, coffees and meals out. I’m very careful about spending, and I don’t shop as a leisure activity.

Don’t you re use your winter clothes each year? Unless you’re starting from scratch then you should already have lots of pieces and just add a couple new items each season.

You’ll have to get it used off ebay

You got 2 jumpers yet need more ?

I mean I know clothes don't last well but i have bought one jumper this year ( replacing a completely worn out 15 years old one ) and now need another as someone (dh) shrunk washed one

Vinted, e bay or charity shops. I prob buy new for myself maybe twice a year.

It depends on what else needs buying that month but yes I can. I work part time and have 3 kids dh works full time. I don't need to buy much in the way of winter clothes though. I've got jeans already, plain t shirts and long cardigans. I could do with some jumpers or tunic style dresses but I'm happy enough with shopping at tu, matalan etc. so not exactly high end. I do want a new coat and boots though this year so am waiting for the black Friday sale having seen the ones I want. My older two do need some winter bits but I will get them in the sales.

I think people who can just spend more don’t necessarily earn more but they have a higher disposable income. It could be that they prioritise disposable income over other things like a bigger home or car.

I honestly think clothing should not be something people complain about being expensive. Have you been on Vinted? You can get bundles of children clothing in excellent condition for a few pounds. Same for yourself. Jumpers , winter clothing galore.

I’m a high earner but I don’t buy myself a “winter wardrobe” every year. This year I’ve bought two jumpers.