How do you afford stuff for yourself?

[Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs]

I remember once upon a time, floating around the shops buying myself clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc. I work part time now but earn a similar amount and Dh is now on more money, but after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over. I got myself two jumpers, but that’s it and I need much more. There’s just always so much to buy and that with just one child. I don’t know how people manage. Our mortgage has shot right up, but I have a degree and supposedly good career, do you have money to get yourself a winter wardrobe etc?

You're not guaranteed to find what you need in a retail or charity shop. I've been after a particular type of jumper and looked in new look, M&S, tk maxx and next (the only shops in my town) and didn't find them. Walked into a charity shop and there was one, the right colour and the right size. And it was £2.99.

Of course the reverse could happen, but it's still taken the same amount of time.

From Statista.com the average clothing spend for a uk adult in 2022 was around £60 a month with the age group 30-49 spending the most at just over £80 a month.

This seems quite low to me so I'm surprised that we have so many clothing retailers. Another article I found said that according to one large credit card provider the average woman spends £81 a month and the average MAN spends £115 a month.

Buying second hand seems to be way more socially acceptable than it used to be and also it's way easier to find what you want via eBay or Vinted than by searching the charity shops.

Personally I find the hit/miss rate to be pretty high from my online purchases so they are not always as cheap as I think they are. I try to resell the items that aren't returnable and aren't suitable but you often can't get back what you paid after you factor in postage.

Joint finances and budget for everything for the house/family/Christmas/summer holidays etc , then set monthly amount we take for ourselves which we can buy clothes with, do whatever we want. This has been as little as £50 a month when we had very little money and now a bit more what with not paying nursery fees etc anymore.

Average UK citizen spends £641 a year on takeaways. Which is more than on clothing. So I guess priorities come into it.
I spend way less than average on takeaways and way more than average on clothes as that's my personal preference.
I buy most things second hand but am thinking after reading this thread that maybe I should cut back.

For me though from one winter to the next my body shape always changes as does my lifestyle and how I spend my time. I envy people who stay the same size from 18 til death, that must save a huge amount of money.

This.

DSC has needed a lot of new clothes for our house recently, but we bought at least half of them on Vinted/in charity shops. I can't imagine how much all the stuff you bought your DD must have set you back if you got it all new!

Re. shopping at charity shops:

• Not all charity shops were created equal. Where I live, there are some that are more like boutiques, with some really high end clothes, and virtually all in excellent condition, or indeed new. In the next town over - zilch, nothing bar what many people still envisage charity shops to be like, i.e. boring rails of obviously pre-worn, totally non-exciting clothes.
• Shopping at charity shops can be time-consuming, especially if you are looking for a specific item of clothing. The trick is to have a capsule wardrobe that will always see you through and supplement this with charity shop bargains as and when. After a while, you develop an eye - scan what's on offer in a matter of minutes, rather than going through all the rails.
• Delayed gratification is your friend. Some shopping trips may yield nothing, other times you come back with half a dozen lovely pieces that make you feel absolutely chuffed.

I could afford to purchase new, but I tend to get overwhelmed when I go into large stores like John Lewis or M&S, and frustrated with places like Reiss, Hobbs or Whistles if what's on offer doesn't appeal - which it often doesn't. When I go to charity shops I have zero expectations, so any find is a bonus.

I definitely do not look like 'someone who gets their clothes at charity shops'. In fact, I am always turned out 'just so' and I get so many complements.

I’ve got brilliant charity shops near me. It’s no effort to just pop into them and see what they have. All my clothes are from charity shops and I get loads of compliments on my clothes.

I think it’s an age problem. *
If the OP has a 5yo she’s probably in her 30s when being on-trend retains some importance and our personal style is still in a state of flux. Added to that children’s clothes are extra cute and satisfying to buy. So we can overspend in both camps.

By the time you’re in your 40s and 50s you know what your priorities are. If one of them is looking stylish, you know what suits you, have 3 of everything and can source additions with razor-sharp focus, thus freeing up money wasted on experimenting.
If style is not your priority, you buy at high street/supermarket/Vinted/ charity shops for comfort or practicality and spend your £ on other things.
If you’re struggling, you do what you can and I sympathize.

I’m 55 and find that a lot of things I’ve kept over the years because I liked them as pieces of clothing and they suit me have come back into fashion. Last year it was Fairisle sweater, crossbody leather bag, patchwork quilt jacket (me made!) and toile print summer dresses (bought second hand 10 years ago). Dr Martins and loafers have been in my shoe cupboard for years.

I spend my extra money on days out, my pottery collection and films/books because those are my priorities. Basic skincare and occasional perfume, different each time.

• Please don’t come at me with ageist accusations, all ages are good, alright?

I buy very little new, if I do buy stuff I buy on Vinted, and don't worry about wearing the same 3/4 things on rotation or following fashion.

I have sold things worth about £60 on Vinted this year and with that money have bought a sweatshirt, a silk shirt, a t shirt and two great pairs of trousers for that.

I also buy my DC clothes on Vinted or ask around for hand-me-downs.

What is it you actually need? Why can't you wear clothes you already own?

I hardly ever buy clothes, I don't need them

A magic combo of:
Having ‘pocket money’ budgeted each month for me and DH
Having a large wardrobe already (one benefit of getting older)
Planning what I buy and always looking for a lower cost
Avoiding short lived trends

No, you know what you're looking for and what size - it sorts it out for you - even a brand if you wish 🤷‍♀️😂

I can see how it is easy to find things on Vinted, unlike charity shops, but then you have the can't try on/postage problem.

Unless you're exceptionally lucky, you're going to end up with a load of stuff that doesn't fit or doesn't suit and you can't return it and even if you sell it on, you won't get back what you paid due to the cost of postage and Vinted fees.

I don’t have any budget for clothes. (I have £100 disposable for ‘me’ a month which I prioritise on my hair and skincare) . So if I want clothes I have to sell some on Vinted and use the balance, or put on my credit card. I very rarely buy clothes anyway as I just wear what I already have. I might buy the odd dress for a special occasion but don’t need new clothes regularly and certainly isn’t a priority.

It’s okay that you want to have nice things to wear :)

you have to prioritise and pick and choose between what you can spend your money on. (For example I really love lurpak butter so always get it even though it’s expensive. I choose to have that over other things)

One thing you can do is have a subscriptions cleanse !!
I periodically go through and unsubscribe from things I’m not using enough. Magazine, Spotify, streaming services, even beauty products! Everything is a subscription service now it drives me mad.
work on your disposable income. What are you paying for that you don’t need to ? Do you have item like phones and cars on finance ? Avoid finance deals as much as you can. They sound like a great deal but are not in the long run.
Look for fun free activities - obviously depends on age of your child but kids have great fun doing things that are not expensive too!
Second hand stuff is great ( also better for planet!)
when wanting a new item, don’t buy immediately. Wait at least a week or two and if you still want it go for it !

I think when you decide to get a mortgage and have kids things have to change. What you once spent money on needs to be saved and allocated elsewhere especially in this economy. Then again I remember being a kid and my mum would spend on me and never on herself so I guess I just view it as something you do for your kids.

Also you mention the mortgage shooting up? I'm guessing you went variable rate and not fixed rate. Thats always a risk that the rates will change and not in your favour. Fixed at least you can refinance after so long if they drop back down to past levels but it's not looking good right now.

Im in better paid senior position now so finances are good. However when my DD was little i had very minimal. She came first and i shopped for myself at charity shops, always. My trousers had holes in them and i was constantly sewing them up. I wasnt sad about it really, as long as my DD had essentials and odd treat,you know. I could never afford hairdresser, cosmetic dentistry, makeup, perfume etc. i was clean though.
Now shes grown up i can take care of myself... worked myself up and am on around 60k now...i worked hard as single parent.. infact, worked my bollocks off. I have a nice house in nice area.
I appreciate every opportunity money can bring ( because i had nothing for a long time)but you know what? I have been there with absolutely bare minimum and it gets better. Buying a couple of NEW jumpers when my child was little would have been like christmas for me. Finding happy in the smallest things id say OP. XXXX

Buying clothes for kids is never ending. Her winter clothes from when she was 4 are not likely fit her now.

But that's just real life. No one gets a new wardrobe every year.

I think some of the people who can afford it, and buy it, talk about it a bit too loudly. Not all.
those who can’t just get on with it… clothes from last season etc. I have found the cost of living is really affecting my disposable income.

With many more people working from , clothes shopping habits have changed. You need much less when you’re at home each day as opposed to travelling and working in an office etc. Has been a big positive on how little I need to spend.

I buy high quality things and they last years. I don't actually think I need to buy anything new this winter. Why do you need to buy so many new things? Is it that the things you had last year aren't fit for purpose or just that you feel you need to buy up to date things?

I definitely don't spend that much, especially now as I WFH mostly. Am also in London, where people are very casual these days, and I am rarely invited to weddings or fancy events.

Forever in my overdraft thats how.