How do you afford stuff for yourself?

[Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs]

I remember once upon a time, floating around the shops buying myself clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc. I work part time now but earn a similar amount and Dh is now on more money, but after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over. I got myself two jumpers, but that’s it and I need much more. There’s just always so much to buy and that with just one child. I don’t know how people manage. Our mortgage has shot right up, but I have a degree and supposedly good career, do you have money to get yourself a winter wardrobe etc?

I can afford couple of jumpers etc every season but I need to compromise on occasions. Try TKMAXX? This year all my very expensive jackets (more than £1k cost in total) got eaten by moths arghh and with two kids no way I could replace them like for like. I found really nice, good quality branded ones in TKMAXX much cheaper.

We jointly earn a lot and I could ‘float around the shops buying blahblahblah’ but now I’ve got a family my priorities have changed and I don’t want to.

I buy odd bits in sales (Oliver Bonas, Monsoon etc have great 70% off sales and I am not particularly fussy) and I grabbed a couple of new jumpers in Tesco a couple of weeks ago.

Because I tend to buy decent quality but very reduced, they then last well and wash well.

My children have the chunk of my money and I’m very happy with that.

If you aren’t happy then being blunt you need to change something - a second job for some extra money etc.

I take on new clients regularly and work crazy hours if I want to spend more (although mine isn’t for clothes, it’s always for holidays or things for the kids).

Priorities change. I don’t want (or have time) to browse the shops any more. When I do feel the need for something new, I nearly always buy second hand, for me and the kids. Then your money goes a lot further. We have a really good household income, but I just find it so wasteful to buy new.

I buy new clothes but at a fraction of the original cost as I buy when they're greatly reduced in the sales and put them aside until needed. I only buy what I really need plus I also check it fits in with the rest of my wardrobe. Most of my clothes are years old and I mix and match them with newer clothes or accessories. My oldest wool coat is over 25 years old and I still get complimented on it as it's a classic style so will never date.

Last January I bought a lovely jumper, boots and a jacket in the sales and put them away in my wardrobe. So now I have some new clothes to wear this winter season and they only cost me a very tiny amount last January. Overall I spend very little of my income on clothing, shoes and accessories.

You must be spending a small fortune on clothes OP if you're buying brand new at the start of every season when everything will be full price! Plan ahead and buy clothes for your DD in bigger sizes when they're on sale and you'll have them ready to use next summer or winter. Go through your own wardrobe too, do you really need new clothes or just want them? Decide what you really need and what colours/ styles will fit in with your existing wardrobe and then buy in the Christmas/January sales.

I always buy clothes in the end-of-season sales too. Last year, I got a great Superdry bomber for less than £25, which is my "new" jacket for this year.

I think the COL has shot up so much lately. Since we had DC ,Less for us! Usually ask for Perfume for presents from family , and Birthdays may have a new pair of Boots or nice Jumper. Sales are good and I use E Bay too . Just have to do with a bit less really.

We buy a lot of kids‘ stuff second hand through the year. I make sure I‘ve got the next size up of stuff ready to go so I‘m not being pressured to buy something quickly and expensively. Anything not needed anymore is sold on. If I do buy new (sandals/ underwear/ anything I can’t get good enough quality second hand), I tend to combine discounts. We‘re not in the UK, but I get discount codes for some clothing stores through a corporate benefits programme at work, and am also signed up to a loyalty card scheme spanning several shops.

My stuff tends to be bought second hand, too, although I do make exceptions for certain items. Doesn’t need replacing all that often, though. A winter coat lasts 10 years, trainers 2 years. The hoodie I‘m wearing today is 15 years old.

I bet your wardrobe is full to bursting already. If you must have more try charity shops but also, re-use what you have instead of buying more.

Anything that is regularly used like coats/boots/PJs etc I buy new but only when they actually need replaced.

Anything that is more single use (eg Christmas party outfit) I buy on Vinted.

I regularly have a clear out and put old things that still have life in them back on Vinted. Anything I sell just stays in my Vinted balance until I want to buy something from there.

I don't really see clothes as a treat myself kind of purchase though, they are a necessity.

"treats" are my hobby, getting my nails done and spa type treatments. I can afford these because I am a high earner 🤷🏻‍♀️

Reading between the lines @Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs I think in your case it's priorities.

You work PT and in November you are buying Christmas presents as well as various items for your DD. You could work more and/or spend less on those items and then spend more on yourself. But you obviously chose not to and want to spend it on DD, which is lovely and shows how much you love her. But it is a choice.

Some people will be in a situation where they work full time yet Christmas presents are an impossibility, the coat for DD needs to be second hand and they're still worrying if they can pay the mortgage, heat the house or fix the car. Those people don't have a choice to sacrifice other spends to buy more for themselves.

Also, take a look at your mindset. I can be guilty of this kind of thinking sometimes. I was horribly poor when younger and prioritised my DC as you'd expect. However, now I earn really good money, I still struggle to spend on myself and still often buy cheap or second hand. I tell myself I can't afford it but then if something expensive comes up that we need (e.g. car bill) or want to do (e.g. family trip) somehow I'll find the money without too much difficulty. It's almost like I can't give myself permission. Is there an element of that maybe?

Charity shops and marketplace.

This resonates so much with me. I’ve never thought of it before in terms of the why but this is exactly how I feel and act. It upsets my husband that I just can’t/won’t let go and prioritise things for me and I feel guilty if I buy something from a supermarket to wear. I think it absolutely does date back to the past when I was a single mum struggling to get by.

Just wait until your kids are adult sized even though they are only 12, and you are kitting out a whole other adult, including 3 shoe sizes in a year (6, 7 & 9 adult size), footy boots, wellies, trainers, school shoes. I never have money to buy myself clothes

I rarely pay full price for anything for myself - I compile wish lists online (I take pics of the tags of things I find in-store to find online later) and regularly check or use app notifications to see when there’s discounts/sales. I do this for non-seasonal home items too. I find it really helps save money but still allows me to treat myself occasionally, and having them sat in a wish list for a while helps me work out if I actually like and would use them, or was just excited at first look! Hope this helps, kids come first but we deserve nice things now and again too.

How many clothes do you need? Don’t you have stuff from previous years? I basically always buy kids stuff from Vinted or eBay or a few bits new but not much as I think it’s overpriced and lasts all of two seconds. I don’t see why you feel you have to spend and buy so much to be honest. Sorry to seem harsh.

There is obviously a lot less money to spend on yourself when you have kids. I am a high earner, but spend little on clothes. I am wearing my winter boots from 2019 and for posh stuff and the odd trip to the office I wear clothes from two decades ago. I have a black tie event coming up and I have made my dress, ordered shoes from vinted and - when they didn't fit - tidyed up a an old pair of evening shoes. Hoodies and jeans wear out. I support a child at home and a child at home. I prioritise holidays and my pension fund over clothes. I also eat well and exercise to ensure I can fit the clothes from 20 years ago!

Yup, this. 12 yo son has gone up from a size 5 to an 8 shoe this year and 10 yo daughter has gone up from a 3.5 to a 6. They needed bigger shoes at Easter, back to school after Summer and again this month.

A new winter wardrobe isn't mandatory. You buy things for children because they are a different size this winter to the size they were last winter because children are still growing. Adults tend to stay the same size for a lot longer. Don't you have things that still fit from last year? Don't buy stuff just for the sake of "treating yourself".

Vinted is your friend. Rubbish though isn't it, definitely wasn't like this 15 years ago.

Did you buy a new wardrobe every winter 15 years ago? I didn't......

Is it time consuming, but so is browsing shops in town often to come away with nothing. At least on Vinted I can search for exactly what I'm looking for.