How do you afford stuff for yourself?

[Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs]

I remember once upon a time, floating around the shops buying myself clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc. I work part time now but earn a similar amount and Dh is now on more money, but after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over. I got myself two jumpers, but that’s it and I need much more. There’s just always so much to buy and that with just one child. I don’t know how people manage. Our mortgage has shot right up, but I have a degree and supposedly good career, do you have money to get yourself a winter wardrobe etc?

Reported.

Well this has taken an unexpected turn…

Interesting question. It's a habit. I used to spend years in clothes with holes in and shitty stuff because I always prioritised my kids (single mum). Now I realise that I am just worth it, too.

I spent £100 on just me today. £50 on an external hard drive for backup, in case my now ancient and buggy laptop dies, £10 on a pair of trousers for work and £40 on some LED lights and an extension lead to transform my boring mirror from plain into music-activated goodness.

I know that's it for the month, but I still have all my indulgences left in store. At some point you will realise that you always put yourself last and you will ask yourself why you think you're not wirth the money. Then you will realise that, actually, you ARE, and set aside a certain sum each month just for YOU. My budget is around £100, your might be less, or more.

It comes out after all essential bills and savings, but before all family fun stuff. Et voila, suddenly you're actually worth it. I do similar with my time now.

Girl, you only have the one life (likely). Live it before you're too old and fragile to enjoy it.

I have got the money but then I don't need much at all. I prioritise getting well made pieces that are more of a classic style. I'll buy secondhand or new but as the years have rolled by I've found that I need less and less. So the money pools and I spend more on individual items that I know I'll love for years.

I think you need to reframe what you want and what you need. In my 20s and 30s I spent a lot on myself, I was paid well and had money to burn. Clothes, holidays, nice car etc. I still earn well but it's not quite the same with kids, CoL etc.
I decided at the beginning of this year to stop spending on things i didn't need. For me and the DC. Switched to Vinted for DC clothes and quite frankly, I have plenty clothes to last years.
I'm now more obsessed with how much I can save by not buying something than buying something. I've saved a lot of money but it's been a great exercise in understanding how much I spent on unnecessary stuff. I literally don't care about what others are buying or wearing either.

I didn't really realise anyone buys new stuff every year for the sake of it though, barring perhaps the ultra rich? Nobody I know does.

My wool winter coat is still going strong from 2015.

I'm not a growing child, so I don't outgrow my clothes and they last a long time. My boots are onto their 8th winter. I buy the odd thing I do need from vinted.

Really? You don't know ANYONE who fancies a red coat one year, or a navy blue for a change?

I am not saying it's mandatory, but it's not that shocking that some people enjoy clothes and a bit of variety.

If I only bought the shoes I NEED, I would have a very happy husband 😂

I've stopped buying myself stuff as I don't need it. I have TONS of clothes, it's not even funny.

The kids do cost a lot though.....clothes, boots, etc, activities etc

I don't know anyone. Not something like a coat, a jumper yes.

I save up if there's something I really want. I generally have a bit left over at the end of the month and try to move a chunk into my savings account right before my next payday. I don't buy a full wardrobe each season though! Things can last more than a year. I just buy a few new bits or replace stuff that's had its day.

I don’t know why you’d need “much more” after buying two jumpers?

for a start we combine finances so the fact I earn less than dh doesn’t impact on what I buy.

and then I buy infrequently but when I do it is usually expensive but designed to last. Eg I once spent £800 on a winter coat…but it is now into its 15th year. My boots were £300 but they are now 8 years old. That kind of thing.

I check my wardrobe a couple of times a year as to what needs replacing or anything different I’d like. I’ve always worked full time so can afford to buy as I want/need.

I can’t afford to, but it’s not really a problem because I just wear the stuff I already have. Only thing is, I’ve put on weight so had to replace some trousers and some tops don’t fit anymore. Wish I could lose the weight, but it’s not happening.

You may be focusing on the wrong thing, @Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs

From your post I suspect that you dropped down to part time when you had your daughter but you are covering not only your own but also her expenses, while your much higher earning husband......... does what exactly?

Please tell me that I am wrong...

It’s priorities in my case more than anything else. The dc need clothes because they’ve outgrown their old ones whereas I feel that I can nearly always get another while out of mine. I haven’t bought much for years and I could do with replacing things but there’s always something more pressing - house repairs, another bill, weddings and birthdays, school voluntary contributions, and bloody Christmas.

Dh doesn’t suffer from that though and buys clothes for himself - not many and not often, but expensive brands. He also prioritises a fancy-ish car, expensive hobby kit, and nice holidays - my car is reliable and safe, and second hand and I really wouldn’t be bothered to miss a holiday. My leisure time is gardening and decorating our house. I don’t begrudge him any of those things . I just find it extraordinarily difficult to spend on myself. Given a choice, I’d rather save.

We’re trying to get the mortgage paid off in the next couple of years, so in the greater scheme of things we’re in a very privileged position, but then there’ll be university fees to eat up the difference.

I miss the days of floating around buying myself stuff but honestly if I could go back, I’d give myself a good shake and invest the money I was wasting. Although I still have a few items in my wardrobe from twenty years ago so there’s that.

I can afford to buy what I want but rarely do. I'm a saver and like the security of having savings. I do have nice clothes, coats and footwear and am always well turned out and complimented on my clothes which are usually bought from the clothing range in supermarket's but I never buy just for the sake of it. It helps that I hate shopping too.

I buy my kids (and many of my) clothes secondhand. You've never know.

My DC are adults now anyway so they don't factor in. I did go through a phase of buying myself nice clothes but now I'm not really interested. I think a lot of that is to do with wfh. Plus when I had to work in an office it was a bit of a treat to myself to buy something new to wear. Now I'm less stressed I need less treats!

I would rather put the money towards hobbies or holidays now.

I have at times moth issues, my feet have spread ( so now shoes don’t fit, have wide feet😡)
This year replaced shoes ( very hard on them) , winter coat and bought little else
only cat and i

What do you mean "after I've bought DD xyz stuff"? That's a joint purchase.

I don't really buy much stuff which is how I can afford it if that makes sense? I bought a fe pairs of expensive boots when I was younger and I get them resoled when they leak. I dont buy impulsively, like in a supermarket, I plan what outfit I need, what I have that looks good with it already and what I need to make it work then go shopping for those things.

I have a one in, one out rule so I always have a decent hoody, decent jeans etc. I look for my preferred brands on vinted.

I also dont buy much stuff generally, not in a miserly way but l, for example, I like to make jewellery so that's what i spend money on, i dont buy perfume or books from the shop or random stuff I like amazon. If I want something over, say, £50, it goes on a Christmas list or birthday list. So I have money because I dont really buy stuff.

I've also reached a limit on what I'll pay for food in supermarkets. I love haagen daz, used to buy it weekly. Now I'll buy ice cream from Lidl now and again because I just wont pay that percentage of my salary on ice cream. So that's sort of a saving?

@CherryBlossom321 makes a good point about a capsule wardrobe. I have a lot of basics in navy, black, gray and white and then can mix and match the odd ‘better’ silk shirt or nice sweater. Don’t fall into the hole of doing what I did with charity shops either - bought nice things, realised some were dry clean only and could have bought new by the time I’d paid the dry cleaning bill. Whoops!

I've unpacked last year's winter wardrobe, I have spent about £30 on vinted buying a few extra bits.