How do you afford stuff for yourself?

[Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs]

I remember once upon a time, floating around the shops buying myself clothes, shoes, bags, perfume etc. I work part time now but earn a similar amount and Dh is now on more money, but after I’ve bought everything for Dd (5) for example, this week all the winter bits-coat, boots, pjs, jumpers etc etc, plus getting a few Christmas bits in, there’s just never enough left over. I got myself two jumpers, but that’s it and I need much more. There’s just always so much to buy and that with just one child. I don’t know how people manage. Our mortgage has shot right up, but I have a degree and supposedly good career, do you have money to get yourself a winter wardrobe etc?

How are your family finances arranged?

It sounds like you're buying everything for your DD from your wages? These should be shared costs.

Is the issue that your family overall has too little income to cover what you want to buy, or that the income is shared unfairly (as in, your DH has more spare money than you)?

Yes, this is crucial. I earn far less than Dh but we pool our finances and each get equal spending money.

Charity shops mostly.
When I do buy new I buy things I know will go with what I already own. I'll also only buy new things if I keep thinking about them. That way I can justify the cost.
Add one or two things into your wardrobe at a time. I don't know anyone that does massive "hauls" except for people on insta.

Yes, fortunately I can, I work full time and I have enough disposable income about outgoings.

i dont understand how it’s a question, surely you don’t feel people all earn the same as you and your husband with the same outgoings. People can afford it as they earn more, or have lower outgoings.

High earning FT working household here with hefty voluntary mortgage overpayments and 2 kids. All money goes on all this.

so - I have a separate “space” called “Fancies” in my starling account. In this space-

1. All round the pennies goes in so pennies add up.
2. I allocate £15 a month to go into it.
3. 20% of anything leftover in main account goes into it too end of month.

This is my pot for me. It doesn’t include coffees, or lunch top ups as those are separately potted up and budgeted for. This really is just “fancies” and only ever spent on Vinted, charity shops or massive sales.

YANBU. I can't afford to buy new. For Xmas and birthdays I ask for clothes or shoes. I use charity shops and vinted but rarely find anything great.

Unless your income only just covers your essential costs, you should have some money available that is yours to spend on these things for you. You could also get these things by asking for vouchers for Christmas and birthdays, so you can buy what you need, rather than exchanging random items that no-one wants or needs.

But without any detail about where your money goes, it's impossible to say whether you're unfortunate that you don't have any spare money, or if it would be possible to adjust what you spend on other things to free up personal spending money for you.

What about your DH? Does he have spending money to buy himself stuff?

Nobody needs a new wardrobe every winter. I might buy a couple of jumpers and one pair of jeans but my coat is perfectly good.
Stop throwing stuff out that is perfectly okay for the sake of fashion

I earn well and dh and I share expenses for dc jointly, so stuff for them is no more a hit to me than it is to him. And I don't shop often - for myself or anyone else. The kids get new clothes when they absolutely must because they've outgrown everything, and I get new clothes when the old ones get holes in them. My winter coat was a Christmas gift from dh, probably 10 years ago! It's still going strong. I haven't bought a new one since. Same with clothes. I did just buy a new pair of jeans and 2 new long-sleeved shirts and a cardigan, as jeans and old cardigan got holes, and I didn't really have any long-sleeved shirts left, only t-shirts. That will do me for winter really as I mostly wear the same things on repeat every few days!

I do now that DC are grown and independent and I earn more. But old habits die hard and I tend to be pretty frugal with myself. These are the things I do:
Operate a strict heirarchy for sourcing the clothes I need. First stop is my own wardrobe and the stuff I've got stored away. Anything come back into style? Fit now that didn't before? Can be mended/dyed/altered for a new lease of life? I recently resurrected some 1990s Levis and a skirt I've had since 1988 from the loft!
Next, charity shops ebay and vinted.
Then comes a trip to Primark.
Only then if i still need anything will I allow myself the higher end of the high street and/or the outlet villages.
I mix a few quality items in with my cheap stuff in each outfit, to improve the overall look.
The worst thing I can do is window shop, as I then buy based on availability/impulse rather than need. The best thing i do is to keep in shape so that its easy to find clothes to fit me as I've access to a wide choice, and cheap stuff looks ok.

No kids.
That said I dont revamp my wardrobe for summer or winter.
I spend more on quality but buy much less of it as I dont follow seasonal trends etc.
Basic black and navy all the time! Boring but cheaper in the long run

I am a single parent and my 1 wage just about covers the bills, so I definitely wouldn’t buy new clothes all of the time.

Often I will buy 1 or 2 items of clothes that are reduced because they’ve gone out of season and save them for the year after.

I’ll also look at charity shops and carboots etc.

Fortunately/unfortunately I am a hoarder of clothes and so I rarely buy new clothes but when I do I tend to keep them for a long time and so I have quite a large range to choose from.

Same.

I don't buy much new, but if I do I buy quality over quantity

I buy from charity shops, car boot sales

I swap clothes with my group of friends

I recently bought a pair of leather shoes from a charity shop for £10, the previous pair were £6 & I wore them until they fell apart

I was wondering this too. @Shouldhavegotthemeatmeatballs are you paying for all your costs and your DD’s costs from your disposable income, while your DH has money to spend on himself?

DH and I have a joint account for household and child-related costs, including things like new clothes for DD, then our own accounts for our own spends. We split our money so we have the same amount of spending money each month. This seems the fairest way to do it, as I work part-time while he works full-time, and we can each spend our money as we want.

Not that I have loads of spare cash, though! This autumn I’ve bought a new dress for work, some new tights, and I’m looking for a pair of new jeans. I’ll probably spend about £100 in total. I tend to only replace a few things every season, as my clothes usually last a few years.

I have lovely clothes which I buy from Vinted or Ebay.

I get out my old winter wardrobe from last year.

My kids are grown up and I can afford to buy new things but I only generally buy a few things each year, largely because I've built up quite a lot of stuff.

I do put the summer stuff away during the winter and vice versa so when I do the E changeover (last week) it does feel like a whole new wardrobe.

This is just it, so many people are brain washed into thinking they need everything now and brand new.

I haven’t bought myself anything in ages because ££ is tight right now. If I did have the cash I probably wouldn’t spend it on me anyway.

that's the difference between surviving and having a life.
Technically, we don't NEED more than 2 or 3 jumpers, or a haircut, or any non-essential, but life would be pretty grim if we only worked to barely survive. Why bother?

I like clothes, I like bags, I love shoes, It makes me feel good to wear new things. I buy them very cheap now, holidays are my real luxury, but it's reasonable to want to buy a few things now and then, even if you don't strictly need them.

Make use of what you have already, accessories to mix things up so costume jewellery/scarves. Take advantage of sales, eg I have a couple of pairs of boots that were £150 originally but went down to £17 in a sale a couple of years ago. Bought two pairs in different colours and they’re still going strong. Basics from TU/F&F, work bits from charity shops, use vouchers from PIL at Xmas to get decent coat/bag. It’s not ideal but can be done!

I work part time now but earn a similar amount
that’s the issue. The amount might be similar but the value of it will be significantly less.

here is an inflation calculator from the bank of england. You can change the years. It is quite interesting.
https://www.bankofengland.co.uk/monetary-policy/inflation/inflation-calculator

DH and I have sat down and done a budget using all income. After bills and savings we have decided an amount each month for personal spending. This is separate to dc stuff.

The personal spending amount is transferred from the joint account to our personal accounts each month and we can do what we like with it. DH spends it on his bike and I buy clothes.

I work 2 jobs!

I buy quite a lot on vinted for DC and I. My parents help out buying things for DC sometimes. Look at how you split costs with your DH to make sure you have roughly even spending money. Put a set amount per month into a savings account to buy things for yourself. Do the same for DCs clothes so you don't have a big spend in one month.

DP also buys me nice clothes for Christmas or birthday that I wouldn't buy myself (we have separate finances for various reasons).