To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Yep, that needs challenging more formally via the school.
From someone who likes to usually mind their own business

It's wrong for her to do this - it puts B in the position of having to go out with a load of blokes (and she probably be the only woman there), or miss out entirely.

Wow, yes that is terrible
I would have to say so in the main WhatsApp group & would message A&B directly offering support.

It's ridiculous to have a mums and dads group unless the actual mums and dads want that anyway. Just have an outing and let everyone come! Or have two and let people choose what they go to, it all sounds very sexist and homophobic.

A load of tosh. There should be one event- or if they want 2 events from a childcare point of view it should have a mix of parents.

my residents association has a coffee morning for the ladies and a cheese and wine night for the men. I’d much rather be at the cheese and wine night and my vegan partner would rather be at the coffee morning. Hate these stereotyped events

Who on Earth are the 10% or so who think this is ok?!

You're right, OP, it's disgusting homophobia, and the fact that they decided which of the women is the most "dad-like" is reprehensible.

Ugh. There is so much wrong with this. A and B should both be in the mum group (although I don't like the idea of having separate mum/dad groups on principle).

Wow - that is barking, the outing for group A should be for the women (whether there are one or two per child) and for group B should be for men (whether there are one or two per child). ie sex based rather than based on the idea of all families having a partner of each sex. I would be saying something on the WhatsApp group if I were you.

I was about to say it was sexist as well.

I live near two primary schools, two nurseries and a prep school. There are fathers who do most of the school/nursery runs for their child.

I don't see what it has to do with the class teacher though?

As a teacher, I would be really annoyed if you brought this to my attention. It’s outside of my remit as a class teacher - yes, it’s a parents WhatsApp group but the event in particular is for a social event. Wtf would you want me to do? As if I don’t have enough on my plate without dealing with stuff like this. Address it yourself if you feel like you should but please don’t bother an already overworked, overwhelmed and stressed out teacher with it.

thats bloody awful Rep behaviour, totally inappropriate and yes homophobic

I agree it’s nothing to do with the teacher, you should challenge this yourself

Yeah I think this needs taking above the class Reps head. Trying to make one of the mums a dad by default just because the rep thinks she's more blokey (fits better with the men??) is not ok. They should obviously both be in the mums group and the rep should take her ignorance elsewhere.

Have you said anything OP? I'm not one for confrontation but this would piss me off enough to comment in the group and I wouldn't care who disagreed with me (can guarantee the majority wouldn't!)

Absolutely homophobia, just plays even more into the outdated idea that every gay relationship has a "man" and a "woman". Class rep should be totally ashamed and I wouldn't be going to an outing that supported such an idea

Yes I agree this wrong, they should both come to the Mums event.

However it’s not for the class teacher to deal with, I think you should message the group and say you would like them both to be invited to the women’s event.

What a stupid idea! Should have asked first 🙄

That’s awful, parent B is still a mum! I’d be showing my support on the class WhatsApp and refusing to attend the event unless both A and B were invited.

The class rep sounds like an utter idiot and shame on the other mums who are backing her up.

This is crazy and wrong in so many levels. I think you need a new rep. Please don’t bother the teacher with it though.

Put a message in the WhatsApp group saying "thanks for trying to organise something but I will sit this one out if one mum is going to be excluded for no valid reason."

Makes your point clear without outrightly accusing her of being the homophobe she is, which makes it harder for her to argue back. Hopefully others will see it and agree.

Yes to this^ leave teachers out of this.
is it a class rep for PTA? Raise it with PTA then.

As others have said this is awful and clearly sexist and homophobic.

I wouldn’t tell the teacher.
You can challange it.

If it was me, I would message the WhatsApp and state that I will not be attending as clearly diverse families are not welcome and assigning inappropriate "mum" and "dad" roles is not on for samevsex couples l.

I don't know if it's homophobia but it's seriously weird.

Have none of the other parents spoken up?

I primary school teacher I know says these parent WhatsApp groups cause trouble. Certainly seems to be the case here!