Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think class rep is being homophobic?

675 replies

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:18

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:36

Sorry to dripfeed, I should have said that I and a few others have already challenged the class rep about this in the WhatsApp group. She isn’t budging, so we declined and told her why.

The class rep got this role because she volunteered when the class teacher asked if anyone would like to do it. She’s been given guidance about the role and info about school events to pass on from the class teacher. Surely I can report to the class teacher? If I were her and this was the attitude some of the parents of kids in my class had about another child’s family setup, I would want to know.

OP posts:
Normandy144 · 02/11/2023 18:36

It's got nothing to do with the class teacher. Do not bring it to their attention. Instead I would suggest that other parents on the group stick up for the mums and say hang on a minute they're both Mums and so they should both be allowed to attend the mums event. If enough of you stand up for them then I think it should settle the issue.

minou123 · 02/11/2023 18:37

Sorry, spelling is so bad.
If itvwas me. I would message

"I will not be attending as diverse families are not welcome. Assigning who is the "mum" and "dad" in same sex couples is inappropriate"

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 18:37

100% bullshit. The class rep is being a dick- Is the ‘class rep’ some sort of official position in the school where they organise who stands and voting etc or just something your class parents decided to have?

If the school organises it then they can do something about it presumably, but if not then they can’t.

Although even if they changed it now my wife and I would never want to socialise with dickheads like this so wouldn’t go… they may well just stop bothering with class stuff.

Mischance · 02/11/2023 18:38

How stupid to have 2 different groups in the first place, let alone to assign a female to a Dads' group - whose barmy idea was that?

BrutusMcDogface · 02/11/2023 18:39

I was about to click on yanbu, until i read the bit about involving the school.

no, I don’t think you should involve the school in a parents’ WhatsApp group issue.

I would probably get together with the other parents to tell that bloody class rep that she’s a stupid, homophobic woman and A and B should both turn up at the event, or even better, NOBIDY should turn up and you should all arrange your own event.

class rep needs to get a bloody life.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 02/11/2023 18:39

No that’s totally unacceptable. Of course they should both be in group A

Normandy144 · 02/11/2023 18:40

Ok hadn't realised that the class teacher has organised the class rep. In our school it's organised by the PTA which is largely parents led. In this instance it might be an idea to speak to the class teacher. In the mean time please encourage any other parents to point out how ridiculous this is!

HeckyPeck · 02/11/2023 18:40

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:36

Sorry to dripfeed, I should have said that I and a few others have already challenged the class rep about this in the WhatsApp group. She isn’t budging, so we declined and told her why.

The class rep got this role because she volunteered when the class teacher asked if anyone would like to do it. She’s been given guidance about the role and info about school events to pass on from the class teacher. Surely I can report to the class teacher? If I were her and this was the attitude some of the parents of kids in my class had about another child’s family setup, I would want to know.

I think people saying not to involve the school assumed it was just a parents' WhatsApp.

As the school basically asked for a class rep and gave guidance about what the role entails, you should definitely feedback to them.

coconutpie · 02/11/2023 18:41

Actually I think the school should be informed given that the class teacher asked who would like to set up the group. I would be going to the class teacher and the Principal with screenshots of the homophobic conversation. That parent should resign from the position considering the homophobia. And none of you should go to the event organised.

minou123 · 02/11/2023 18:41

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:36

Sorry to dripfeed, I should have said that I and a few others have already challenged the class rep about this in the WhatsApp group. She isn’t budging, so we declined and told her why.

The class rep got this role because she volunteered when the class teacher asked if anyone would like to do it. She’s been given guidance about the role and info about school events to pass on from the class teacher. Surely I can report to the class teacher? If I were her and this was the attitude some of the parents of kids in my class had about another child’s family setup, I would want to know.

That's mad she is not budging.

Did you tell her privately you are declining and the reasons why?

If so, I would message on the WhatsApp so everyone can see you are declining and the reason why.

I often find people are too scared to raise their head, so if you do it first, i bet others will follow.
Then nobody will attend her stupid mum and dad's get together thing

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 02/11/2023 18:41

The very idea of a separate “mums” and “dads” group was a terrible idea in the first place, let alone then deciding a gay woman might “fit in better” with the blokes? What bloody century is she living in?

Terrible. YANBU at all.

Wonderfulz · 02/11/2023 18:41

Speak to the chair of the parent group and let them resolve

BitofaStramash · 02/11/2023 18:42

StripeyDeckchair · 02/11/2023 18:22

Wow, yes that is terrible
I would have to say so in the main WhatsApp group & would message A&B directly offering support.

I agree with this.

Show your support publicly.

I'd refuse to go if both A and B are not welcome.

Social Queen is totally homophobic and utter twat.

Hazey19 · 02/11/2023 18:43

Wow that’s appalling!

Catacapa · 02/11/2023 18:43

I'm a teacher and if this is being reported it needs to go to the head (or deputy) not a class teacher. The teacher would only speak to the head anyway. Well done for standing up for the other mums - I know it should be a given but sometimes it's not easy.

Hazey19 · 02/11/2023 18:44

And I agree with the previous posters, I would have to say something on the WhatsApp group.

pigsDOfly · 02/11/2023 18:44

Fgs. Someone needs to point out to the class rep that these women are both mums and therefore should both be in the mums' group.

B isn't some sort of surrogate 'dad'. Why the hell would she want to be lumped in with a load of men.

Sounds like class rep wants to make it sufficiently uncomfortable for A & B so that they feel squeezed out and end up not attending anything.

Class rep is a nasty judgemental ignoramus. And yes, it's homophobic.

newtlover · 02/11/2023 18:44

you need to organise a separate event
invite everyone on the group to ' a get together for ALL mums' and make it more fun and attractive than the original one
ask mums to indicate if they would like to come and then create a new non homophobic whatsapp group of those people
exclude the class rep and the mums who agreed with her
see how they like that

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 18:44

Icefoot · 02/11/2023 18:35

I don't know if it's homophobia but it's seriously weird.

Have none of the other parents spoken up?

Treating them less favourable (by setting up an activity - in this case to bond with the parents of the same sex- and then excluding one from the purpose and opportunity of the event because they are gay) is homophobic.

BirthdayFlower · 02/11/2023 18:45

If this role is in any way connected to school (and it sounds like it is) you should bring it to the school’s attention. It’s a problem for the school if there’s a perception that this women is a school appointee.

BitofaStramash · 02/11/2023 18:46

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:36

Sorry to dripfeed, I should have said that I and a few others have already challenged the class rep about this in the WhatsApp group. She isn’t budging, so we declined and told her why.

The class rep got this role because she volunteered when the class teacher asked if anyone would like to do it. She’s been given guidance about the role and info about school events to pass on from the class teacher. Surely I can report to the class teacher? If I were her and this was the attitude some of the parents of kids in my class had about another child’s family setup, I would want to know.

In this case if the school have been daft enough to align with the WhatsApp group by issuing guidance etc then it is right to raise it with the school.

HermioneHerman · 02/11/2023 18:46

Ask her if she'd do the same if the child had two Dad's. She'll probably say she would but we all know she wouldn't as that would then affect her 'fun' night out having a bloke there. She's horribly homophobic, obviously.

supernoodletrain · 02/11/2023 18:46

Icefoot · 02/11/2023 18:35

I don't know if it's homophobia but it's seriously weird.

Have none of the other parents spoken up?

Assigning "mum" and "dad" to two women in a same sex relationship is definitely homophobic. They're both mums and one is being excluded from socialising with the other mums due to who her partner is.

minipie · 02/11/2023 18:46

WTAF

If you have several good mates who agree with you OP then I would suggest the following message:

”As A&B aren’t both invited to the mums event I won’t be attending as explained to ClassRep. By the way is anyone free on X date for drinks at the pub - all parents welcome?”