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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think class rep is being homophobic?

675 replies

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:18

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

OP posts:
rockpoolingtogether · 02/11/2023 19:05

Class rep has massively overthought this and messed up. Kid has two mums. Mums go in the mums group

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 02/11/2023 19:05

My first thought is thisnsounds a bit motherland. Does this stuff really happen in schools?! Mums and dads nights out. Or any social event for that matter. If so, lord help me when i get a school age child! I cant think of anything worse than forced socialising with people i likely have very little in common with. Can think of more enjoyable ways to spend my spare time.

If the purpose is as she suggests to have one parent in each group for whatever reason, why not just assign at random so each group has a mix of male and female participants?

I'd make the school aware of what's going on but not in a complaint way, just in a you should be aware. Personally i'd make a seperate whatsapp group for the non homophobic members and send the invitation to the whole group. Or arrange a night out for mums and dads away from this stupidity, for anyone who is so inclined to be social. Why were they seperate in the first place?

Simonjt · 02/11/2023 19:06

This happened the group for my sons old school, so the mum who was directed to the dads night simply said thanks as she fancied some of the dads so was looking forward to dressing up for them. Weirdly she was never directed to the dad events again.

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 19:06

Moro93 · 02/11/2023 19:02

I do agree that if the other children are only allowed one parent to attend then others shouldn’t be allowed two, regardless of gender. They could have just asked if only one of them could attend so it wasn’t unfair to the other children.

However, I also agree that it was completely inappropriate to put one of the mums into the dad group. I’d say this is homophobic.

It seems really old fashioned anyway to divide groups by gender. Why not just a parent group? When we have events/visits at our kid’s school, it’s never just mums or dads. It’s families or parents that are invited to attend, gender doesn’t matter.

your premise doesn’t work- the kids with straight parents get to have 2 parents go on nights out (a dads one and a mums one)- you are suggesting that the dyke mums kid only gets to have one go on a night out.

Also- In what way does it affect the children? How will they know or care how many parents go on a night out?!

user1846385927482658 · 02/11/2023 19:07

Moro93 · 02/11/2023 19:02

I do agree that if the other children are only allowed one parent to attend then others shouldn’t be allowed two, regardless of gender. They could have just asked if only one of them could attend so it wasn’t unfair to the other children.

However, I also agree that it was completely inappropriate to put one of the mums into the dad group. I’d say this is homophobic.

It seems really old fashioned anyway to divide groups by gender. Why not just a parent group? When we have events/visits at our kid’s school, it’s never just mums or dads. It’s families or parents that are invited to attend, gender doesn’t matter.

How on earth is attendance at a social event for parents fair or unfair to the children? The children aren't going.

Tinkerbyebye · 02/11/2023 19:07

They are both mothers. B has not become a man overnight!

that’s appalling and I would be complaining to the head

LlynTegid · 02/11/2023 19:08

I think this needs to be challenged. The mum concerned may be making comments in front of her children who end up bullying or otherwise badly treating the child whose home has two mums, so to speak.

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 19:08

Moro93 · 02/11/2023 19:05

I’m not sure if I’ve understood fully, are the events just for mums/dads? Or will the kids be there as well?
If the kids are there then I think only one of them going is fair, but if it’s only other mums then there shouldn’t be an issue with both going.

Edited

Doesn’t matter- if straight parents kids get to have both parents go, then gay parents kids get to have both parents go.

Moro93 · 02/11/2023 19:08

@Ivegone @user1846385927482658 Read my second comment before responding…

TinklyofLaughSingleofChin · 02/11/2023 19:09

That's batshit!

Moro93 · 02/11/2023 19:09

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 19:08

Doesn’t matter- if straight parents kids get to have both parents go, then gay parents kids get to have both parents go.

Show quote history

So if it was an event where they’re attending with the kids (like I originally thought), then it would be fair for one kid to have 2 parents there while every other kid has only one?

ohsuzannah · 02/11/2023 19:09

I wonder what she would have done if it was two dads 🤔
Oh wait, I bet she would have put both of them with the men 😠

rockpoolingtogether · 02/11/2023 19:10

And also, what would class rep do if child was in foster care or being looked after by a grandparent. They are just wrong. Set up a new WhatsApp group as a social group and invite whoever wants to be in it

Wildhorses2244 · 02/11/2023 19:10

Have you considered mocking this sufficiently that she stops this ?

Id try and find the most basic, ideally aimed at reception aged book that you can with drawings of men and women. Photo of The very basic level woman with the caption “women can be mums” . Photo of the man “men can be dads”.

Any time she argues with it respond with something like “don’t worry you’ll learn more about the differences between boys and girls as you get older”

im not sure is be brave enough to do it in real life but it would be hilarious!

Testina · 02/11/2023 19:10

This isn’t for the school to fix, FFS you’re grown adults.
Stop posting on MN and reply back in the group.
“That’s doesn’t make sense - they’re mums, so in the mums group. A & B - we might ask you to sit at opposite ends so you’re in the same boat with new people.”

Funkyslippers · 02/11/2023 19:10

How on earth would the class rep know if B would fit better in the dads' group?!

TempName247 · 02/11/2023 19:11

ohsuzannah · 02/11/2023 19:09

I wonder what she would have done if it was two dads 🤔
Oh wait, I bet she would have put both of them with the men 😠

No cos gay men go with the women! Everyone know gay men are effeminate, they wouldn’t be able to talk about football or beer with the straight dads 😃

BiologicalKitty · 02/11/2023 19:12

And this is why I don't participate in forced socialisation based on arbitrary circumstances.

But as a lesbian mother myself I would be absolutely raging in this situation.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 02/11/2023 19:12

I don’t understand why there are 2 different groups.

I’d want to get to know the dads, as much as the mums.

Why can’t there be one meet up and if the dads end of congregating separately from the mums then so be it.

I was a single parent and there were always loads of couple in the groups and everyone was always nice to me and mingled.
It wasn’t an issue that they were in couples at all.

SarahAndQuack · 02/11/2023 19:14

That's horrible. I agree it's silly to do it by gender - there will be loads of SAHM dads, or dads who take the main care role, who get left out.

It is homophobic, as well. I'm my DD's non-bio mum, and I spent my life being told 'oh, but you're with the dads!' 'oh, we put you with the dads!'. I have been the main carer for my DD from the time she was six months old until she was four. But even then, my DP did far more than your average 'dad' and, aside for a year when DD was small, we have both done lots. We are both mums.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 02/11/2023 19:14

wheresmysandwich · 02/11/2023 18:33

Put a message in the WhatsApp group saying "thanks for trying to organise something but I will sit this one out if one mum is going to be excluded for no valid reason."

Makes your point clear without outrightly accusing her of being the homophobe she is, which makes it harder for her to argue back. Hopefully others will see it and agree.

Good advice here

Maybe privately message B and explain you are annoyed on her behalf, she might be feeling very low right now.

Or you could privately message the rep and explain what you see. B may be too embarrassed.

100% stereotyping and homophobic IMO. I'm actually quite appalled by this

HarrietSpying · 02/11/2023 19:14

Seems sensible.

PuppyMonkey · 02/11/2023 19:15

When the parents at our school tried something like this, none of the dads bothered going anyway.Grin

Ivegone · 02/11/2023 19:15

why was my earlier comment deleted? I can’t see I broke any guidelines?!

BeeHappy12 · 02/11/2023 19:16

Completely outrageous. I'm shocked by the gall of the rep to answer in that way when challenged... Just agree it was a mistake!!