Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended at neighbour's reaction

497 replies

SeaBreezeDream · 01/11/2023 12:59

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

OP posts:
Pinkitydrinkity0 · 01/11/2023 13:01

No that’s not rude imo, she’s just telling you an anecdote.

Aaron95 · 01/11/2023 13:01

I don't understand why you are offended. It is an interesting anecdote nothing more. Next time you see her use it as a conversation starter and get to know her a bit better.

Stresa22 · 01/11/2023 13:02

Wow that’s a very rude message indeed! She needs to find her edit button.

Tessasanderson · 01/11/2023 13:03

I think she is trying to be friendly and jokingly point out that they have strong ties with the company you purchased the gift from. Basically saying "what a coincidence".

I suppose they could of just said thank you but this gives some context about them too. No harm imo

Catza · 01/11/2023 13:04

Nothing rude about it at all. She is being completely honest and comfortable sharing an inside moment in her family. I run a small business and if someone bought me something from my own business, I would find it really funny opening the box. Whether I decide to share it with someone would depend on how much I like them and trust them. She likes you and trusts you, perhaps it is a mistake on her part.

SoddingWeddings · 01/11/2023 13:04

Not at all rude, actually a nice anecdote about how you picked something so familiar to them and which they enjoyed the situation very much. And they thanked you.

Chill out.

ladeluge · 01/11/2023 13:05

Clumsy at best, rude at worst. Should have just said thanks, you are very welcome and it was good to have a nice chat with you.

justalittlesnoel · 01/11/2023 13:05

I don't think it's rude at all - they probably don't usually buy items from a company they're so involved in, it's probably really nice to see that you've unknowingly picked a company they've got such strong ties with! They're probably having a laugh about how the world works in mysterious ways and you just so happened to pick these items!

Greenqueen40 · 01/11/2023 13:05

Not rude at all, slight derailment but why on earth would you spend £70 on a neighbour you don't even know??!!

WimpoleHat · 01/11/2023 13:05

Oh gosh - I can see why you’re cross about that! I think you (completely inadvertently) hit on an “in joke” within her family and she’s referring to that and had engaged mouth before brain. If you want to make the point, you could reply with something like - “I really wasn’t trying to be funny; I was just trying to show some appreciation for your kindness”. She’ll probably be mortified when she reads back what she wrote.

Notimeforaname · 01/11/2023 13:07

Nope. Not rude making conversation and telling you a funny story.

OldTinHat · 01/11/2023 13:08

That's not rude.

Bearbookagainandagain · 01/11/2023 13:08

I don't think she was rude. Because you say they've been really nice, I would read the comment about "we don't tend to buy them" as an awkward way to say the grandchild doesn't have many toys of that brand despite the parents being familiar with the brand. I think it was meant to be reassuring.

SerendipityJane · 01/11/2023 13:08

Presumably it's my odd mind that can actually hear that in a conversation and see that it would have been a charming anecdote in person ?

Wordsworse · 01/11/2023 13:08

I think it was crass and rude. She’s basically saying you’ve wasted your money on buying something that their daughter probably gets at cost price if indeed she wanted it.

And £70. Wow.

Spirallingdownwards · 01/11/2023 13:10

She was trying to be friendly and was laughing at the coincidence not the gift.

AuntieJoyce · 01/11/2023 13:11

If you get to know her better in the future, it would be a lot more awkward when the connection with the company inevitably comes out. It could be a good sign that she is a decent truthful person who wants to be your friend in future?

icewoman · 01/11/2023 13:12

I dont find it rude at all, just interesting.

Some people on here do find it rude, I don't understand why

I think your best bet is to take it that she said something most people find perfectly acceptable, and some people find rude, and she accidently said it to one of the people who find it rude, you, but didn't intend it to be

Breadahead · 01/11/2023 13:12

I don't think she was intending to be rude, she was relaying the coincidence, but yes it has been clumsily worded.

wutheringkites · 01/11/2023 13:12

You spent £70 on a gift for a baby you don't know?

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 01/11/2023 13:13

No, I don't think it's rude at all. She's just making conversation about a coincidence she thinks is funny. I don't understand how that could be interpreted as rude. Had you had a bad day or no sleep or something?

Scampuss · 01/11/2023 13:13

Not rude.

But weird to spend so much and on a baby you don't know too.

A thank you card would have been enough.

Whataretheodds · 01/11/2023 13:14

I don't think she was intending to be rude, she was relaying the coincidence, but yes it has been clumsily worded.

This and

You spent £70 on a gift for a baby you don't know?

This.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/11/2023 13:16

I don't think it's rude - however, I think it's one of those interactions that may miss the point via text!

I think this is her saying, thanks, funny coincidence because of DH & DD connection, we don't usually buy it (so appreciate it as a gift).

I can see how you might interpret it differently but based on her being lovely to you about the incident with the car, I'd see the positive interpretation of it.

WhateverMate · 01/11/2023 13:17

I also think it was just a little anecdote.

But I have to say flowers and a gift for her grandchild was waaaay OTT and could well have made her feel very uncomfortable - hence the strange message maybe?