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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended at neighbour's reaction

497 replies

SeaBreezeDream · 01/11/2023 12:59

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

OP posts:
truptantripping · 01/11/2023 13:17

Just the flowers or even a small card would have been sufficient.

I'd assume she's got poor communication to a certain level and I suspect value of gift made her uncomfortable hence the ramblings !

HoHoHoliday · 01/11/2023 13:18

£70 on a baby you don't know, the grandchild of someone you also don't really know, it's a lot! Perhaps they were a little embarrassed.

But the message, no I don't think it's rude, she's just telling you about the funny coincidence of you choosing something they already have a connection to.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 01/11/2023 13:18

Here is a thought - maybe they don’t usually buy products from that company because they are particularly expensive.

I think you are looking for offence when there is none.

Remember that text doesn’t convey tone.

She sent a thank you message . Don’t read between the lines, just accept it at face value.

Maleficentient · 01/11/2023 13:20

Not rude just extending the friendly start you made.

Mongrelsrbeautiful · 01/11/2023 13:20

No not rude - very friendly actually. You were a bit OTT though - a card or flowers would seem more usual - a kind gesture though. I think you've found someone nice!

Lala87 · 01/11/2023 13:20

Not rude at all. Seems like one of those laughing at the coincidence that you'd get them a gift that they are so closely linked to

Chickychoccyegg · 01/11/2023 13:20

Sorry op, have to agree with most other posters , you spending £70 was way too much, your neighbours message, I don't read as rude at all, sounds friendly.

Pinkdelight3 · 01/11/2023 13:22

Another one in shock at the £70 gift! Makes it hard to comment on the rest because you're clearly on another planet. Flowers and card more than enough in my world.

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 01/11/2023 13:23

Not rude at all! It's gentle humour/an anecdote showing a connection between you and them, that's all.

Original poster
SeaBreezeDream · 01/11/2023 13:23

Wordsworse · 01/11/2023 13:08

I think it was crass and rude. She’s basically saying you’ve wasted your money on buying something that their daughter probably gets at cost price if indeed she wanted it.

And £70. Wow.

So this is how I took it. How funny that you bought something we would never have wasted our money on.

But I can see the consensus is that I've taken it the wrong way. I'm quite sure she didn't mean to cause offence as she seemed lovely, but it just made me feel really embarrassed that I'd gone to a store they don't buy from.

We aren't going to be friends and I'm not going to reply, this was all a brief interaction and no big deal.

TBH the cost of the gift didn't bother me, and I'm sure the cost is totally insignificant to them. The money irrelevant,

OP posts:
Wakeywake · 01/11/2023 13:24

Not rude. If anything, it was you who was clumsy for buying flowers and an expensive gift for a very casual acquaintance.

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 01/11/2023 13:24

But I agree, for next time you don't need to go OTT with gifts - she maybe just didn't quite know how to go about navigating that. It was a lovely thank you though, but probably just a bit too much.

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 01/11/2023 13:26

Also the comment regarding the stock and not buying was probably more about it being a bit of a busman's holiday-type situation. I genuinely don't get any sense that she was being rude. The message is warm and friendly.

WhateverMate · 01/11/2023 13:26

TBH the cost of the gift didn't bother me, and I'm sure the cost is totally insignificant to them. The money irrelevant,

You don't even know them, how can you be so sure that spending around £100 (with flowers) due to her relatively normal gesture, didn't embarrass them?

Bluetrue · 01/11/2023 13:29

I find it rude.

You spent way too much though, OP.

She could have just said thank you and said how generous it was. That's it,

Itsalwaysthelasttime · 01/11/2023 13:30

Its not the mentioning the coincidence that seems rude to me, its tge we dont buy from them that seems rude.

Ponderingwindow · 01/11/2023 13:30

She was trying to share a friendly anecdote. It may have come across awkwardly, but plenty of people are a bit awkward. This is a person who shows up in times of need and writes thank you notes. She just might be the kind of person who would make a great friend if you give her a chance.

GinAndJuice99 · 01/11/2023 13:30

Sounds like she just phrased it badly and I'm sure she'd be horrified that it came across as rude.

dontgobaconmyheart · 01/11/2023 13:31

It does seem a bit over the top to not reply and assume offence just because you've transformed it into a scenario that dents your ego. If £70 is nothing to you and doesn't matter then there is little point using the cost of the gift as ballast to make the injury to you worse than it is.

It didn't need to be said but ultimately it just sounds honest. A bit like if I worked at Tesco, my whole family did and then you gifted me Tesco vouchers and Tesco merchandise as a thank you - she's commenting on the coincidental nature of it and how it is impossible to escape this particular company even in extraneous circumstances. Would it have been the better social nicety to simply say thanks - of course - but does it really matter?

lilyblue5 · 01/11/2023 13:31

At first reading I agree - rude.
But actually I think others are right. It’s the way it’s come across via text.
You met her and spoke to her f2f so you know she’s ok. She’s just maybe a rambly texter.

reply something like ‘Oh! What a crazy coincidence! Well hope she likes them anyway and thanks again.’

3luckystars · 01/11/2023 13:32

Not rude at all, if she told you the story it might have been funny but because it is written it is like they were laughing at you, they weren’t.

Her saying ‘there was no need’ means ‘you are extremely generous thank you’

Was she Irish by any chance?

MmedeGouge · 01/11/2023 13:32

Not at all rude.
She’s just pointing out it was a coincidence and therefore amusing to her family.
Maybe the reference to not buying from there is her politely acknowledging that she knows you have spent a considerable amount and one which her family could not afford.
She seems like a very kind woman.
I’ve noticed that there are often posters on here, who like heaping coals on the fire- even when one isn’t lit!

Somanycats · 01/11/2023 13:32

Honestly OP, don't go out of your house again. You'll either have a car crash, or come over unnecessarily offended and end up berating near strangers on the internet. Is that how you want to live your life?

CaribouCarafe · 01/11/2023 13:32

I think she was trying to be friendly and lighthearted!

saveforthat · 01/11/2023 13:33

Tessasanderson · 01/11/2023 13:03

I think she is trying to be friendly and jokingly point out that they have strong ties with the company you purchased the gift from. Basically saying "what a coincidence".

I suppose they could of just said thank you but this gives some context about them too. No harm imo

This