to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

People still want to attack my character over my motivation for buying this gift but it's really not a big deal.

Someone did something nice for me and I bought a thank you gift. It's a sum of money that means nothing to me or her, it's all just tokenism.

We have both lived on this street for almost 20 years, nobody is out to prove anything, be performative, massage egos or all the other things being levelled at me. We've nodded at each other a few times and I'm sure that's how we will continue in future,

I wasn't trying to buy a new bestie with a cardigan and not am I sobbing that she rejected me somehow by not "arselicking".

I honestly don’t think she was being rude. I think she meant ‘well knock me down with a feather, that lady up the road has bought us a Fisher Price such and such and John was on their board for 40 years and Claire now also works for them. You couldn’t make it up! Ha ha!

If she’s older they probably think this is a hilarious little story.

I agree with this interpretation.

I didn't read the message as rude, just conversational.

She's tried to make a joke but I can see how it would come across as rude and condescending - she should've just said thanks.

It's tactless, yes, but I don't think that was intentional. To me it reads like a message from someone who just isn't very aware of how things might come across.

If someone presented me with a disproprotionate gift after a brief chat, I'd assume that they wanted to be friends, so I would respond as your neighbour did - offer some information about myself in a chatty and friendly way. Odd to me that you see that as rude.

I have no idea what you are taking offence at, to be honest.

That's a very appropriate response

I do not see it as rude at all, I interpreted this as "how funny you got us this brand... my family have strong ties to it"...

It's not rude (is it Boots?) She laughed as it's following them around (the company). Possibly a bit of an oversharer trying to say why it's funny or such.

That's what I thought.

She wasn't rude. You went a bit overboard, though, so maybe that's why you're upset.

I read that as trying to say 'we don't already have it'.

I think it would feel uncomfortable to receive an unexpected £70 gift, that amount is way beyond 'tokenism'.

Yes it's a bit rude. Some people just seem to struggle not being rude when communicating with others. I don't know why she would go on about her daughter being a buyer and the husband on the board other than showing off. You did a nice thing op.

Telling us you’re all loaded without telling us you are all loaded 😂

This:
(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)
and this:
It's a sum of money that means nothing to me or her, it's all just tokenism.
seem rather at odds.

All very defensive OP.

If she'd had said, the gift is great, it made me laugh though as you'll never guess who dh worked for .. . It would have been better put. But my dh grandfather was on a board (for a long time) it seems to be a BiG THING in the lives of some. I did get used to all non heavy conversations being about it

I think she's probably saying she doesn't generally buy from the brand so you don't think that they already have a lot from there. It could be read that they don't like stuff from there, but I don't think that's the intention!

I wouldn't read that as mocking. You've placed a context to her saying we don't buy this brand that you've know way of knowing. She could be mocking you, she could be putting your mind at rest that they don't have them coming out of their ears. I'd be quick to point out a coincidence like that- what are the odds. And then would inevitably be mortified when someone says oh you must have loads.... sigh. So id imagine she's saying we've a huge connection but don't worry we don't have loads. It could be that they're too expensive for them. I've worked in premium brands and I don't spend my money there.

Maybe she thought it was weird you bought a baby a £70 gift. I know you meant well but she probably feels a bit awkward.

this is a bit mean. If she is insecure, your message isn't going to make her feel any better about herself is it?

There isn't the need to put "anecdotes" in a thank-you note. Leaving it as "thank you for the gift, it was very thoughtful of you" would have sufficed. Not only that, but saying "we know all their products but we don't tend to buy them" is too open to suggesting they don't rate the products for one reason or another. It could be just not their style, which is fine of course, but it is undoubtedly potentially a snub.

Personally I think that reads like she can't help boasting about her daughter being "on the board", and shoehorning that in is why it reads so awkwardly. Might you be the same age bracket or generation as her daughter? Some parents like to boast by proxy via their DC's achievements especially when they feel a bit threatened by someone they consider potentially "better than" their own DCs.

But yes, IMO, it's rude. Either thoughtlessly or deliberately.

People are so sensitive these days. It was just a “what a coincidence of all the things in world to buy, you bought this exact product whom my daughter works for”.

I wouldn't read more into it than she was telling a family story. It's not like she said it was a crap product and would die in 24 hours.

I think you just took it wrong, but bloody hell, you really don't have to spend £70 as a 'thank you' for someone you don't really know.

Not rude at all.