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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended at neighbour's reaction

497 replies

SeaBreezeDream · 01/11/2023 12:59

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 02/11/2023 19:04

No idea why you would find that rude OP.

SkyTree · 02/11/2023 19:12

OP, if the lady was as kind and helpful as you say in person, it’s unlikely she’d send a deliberately rude text. I didn’t read it in the same way as you at all, but if I had thought it was rude, I’d have thought back to how she was in real life and realised that it was probably a clumsy attempt at conversation/an anecdote.

Genuinely nice people aren’t deliberately rude when given a gift.

Allwelcone · 02/11/2023 19:22

Ah i feel for op, but i think neighbour was being genuine. I get free stuff from a family member who works at a big make up firm, my friend gave me something from there and i did make a passing ref to "the family firm" ...i didnt say i can get it for free though.
I think you're sore bc you think yr gesture went unappreciated. It didnt , she now thinks shes closer to you.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/11/2023 19:29

It’s not rude at all. If she was nice and kind why try to read rudeness into it? She thanks you and tells you a connection to the company as a little story.

Alwaysbloodyright · 02/11/2023 19:33

OP I think I’d be taken a bit back with her message too - so I don’t blame how you feel. However - you have given a lovely gift. Perhaps she means that she knows they buy their stock cheap somewhere - and therefore her comment was probably very much in relation to inside comments they as a family have had about the company

Im also imagining she is possibly around my mothers age if a grandmother - and I can honestly say I wouldn’t trust my mum giving thanks on a text message to anyone, she even manages to offend me some days but myself and my sister both know what she is like. I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend.

Alwaysbloodyright · 02/11/2023 19:34

And also in addition - I work in sales for a company and have the cost price of every single thing I sell. And I can honestly say the mark up is utterly ridiculous. So I think this might be what she is pointing at

Cosywintertime · 02/11/2023 19:38

Alwaysbloodyright · 02/11/2023 19:34

And also in addition - I work in sales for a company and have the cost price of every single thing I sell. And I can honestly say the mark up is utterly ridiculous. So I think this might be what she is pointing at

Edited

I don’t see thst, I think you’re looking for confirmation bias, some companies margins are wafer thin, others are not, like yours.

Ohhoho · 02/11/2023 19:39

It was rude inasmuch as it lacked thought. She could have told the whole coincidence and how great that was. Wow. Not how they’d never buy the stuff themselves, (not good enough for them implied) that was the rude bit. £70 and no proper thanks I’d be furious.

HaroldMeaker · 02/11/2023 19:47

The neighbour comes across as ungracious and a bit dim.

' we know the products but don't tend to buy them ' For shame.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/11/2023 20:04

She could have just added that she didn’t buy them so OP wouldn’t think they already had it.

Kyliemichelletaylor · 02/11/2023 20:41

Definitely not rude - a coincidence and she’s sharing it with you.

SillySausage53 · 02/11/2023 20:50

She’s just trying to be friendly,I think, albeit a tad ostentatious.

Lindyloomillion1 · 02/11/2023 20:57

I would have thought it was rude. And feel ashamed that my kind thought had been derailed by their in joke

GUARDIAN1 · 02/11/2023 21:01

It didn't come across as rude to me. I think she is being friendly. I wouldn't take offence at all and it may be you could develop a friendship out of this. £70 for a baby who's not a close family member or your best friend's child seems OTT to me - unless your road is full of extremely wealthy people.

MumTeacherofMany · 02/11/2023 21:06

Not rude at all. You spent £70 on them?!

Findinganewme · 02/11/2023 21:16

Sounds like she means, ‘oh you shouldn’t have’, and then wanted to be funny by sharing an anecdote. If it were me, I would have just said ‘thank you so much, you didn’t need to, but I’m grateful and just glad that you’re ok’. Everyone has a different way.

my bestie once bought my son a birthday or Xmas gift, from the very company that my husband was the sales director for. I thought she was being dopey. We had so many items from his product line, in one of our cupboards at home. I didn’t tell her this, but did remind her that my husband worked there. She said, ‘oh I didn’t think that he’d have the latest box’.

Deathinvegas · 02/11/2023 22:10

I think she’s phrased it badly.
Sounds like an affluent area, spending £70 for the OP is probably the equivalent of the likes of me spending £7 or 70p on a bad day.
Didn’t read all your replies OP cause they make me despair for the human race but i agree from what I have read they are indeed ridiculous and reflect badly on the people who have written them not you OP but sadly that’s the internet for you.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 02/11/2023 22:41

Not rude at all.
But £70? I find that odd.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 02/11/2023 23:42

Flowers were a lovely gesture. £70 on a gift for a baby you don't know is weird. She was probably mortified that you spent the money. Her message wasn't rude. A bit clumsy maybe but not rude.

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 06:29

SeaBreezeDream · 02/11/2023 10:22

His exact words were

"Snotty cow. You shouldn't have wasted your money"

Well doesn’t he sound lovely shudder at thought of being married to a man who’s response to this message is to name call her a “snotty cow”

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 07:35

I'm pretty comfortable in my sloppy hippy mess style, and at a stage in life where I don't really care about impressing anyone.

and yet here you are. Starting a thread and updating no fewer than 20x about how rude you think a text message is

You don’t sound like much of a “sloppy hippy” to me. More like someone with a lot of time on their hands and who gets them twisted like pretzel at the drop of a hat!

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 03/11/2023 07:39

£70 on a gift for a neighbour’s grandchild that you don’t even know? Wow!
ps - hope you are feeling ok now after the smash.

Londonrach1 · 03/11/2023 07:45

Not rude sharing funny story with you as feels comfortable with you. £70 is alot to spend in this situation

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 08:04

She will know that you spent £70 on something the business paid £20 for!

Toothfairy88 · 03/11/2023 08:49

Absolutely this!!!
OP sounds like a child!

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