to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

She also might have told you the story because the rest of the neighbours know the family connection to that business so she didn't want you to feel embarrassed or nonplussed if you found out later from someone else.

Can't believe some of these responses OP.

You did a really nice thing to show appreciation. And yes, she was rude - possibly not intentionally, but rude nevertheless. She belittled your generous gift.

Well, it's not the best phrased message as it's so open to interpretation. But you won't lose anything by sending a quick reply just in case it's well-intentioned. You can just say 'what a coincidence, hope you enjoy your turn as the consumer!' or something like that. If she does mean it rudely, you won't look naive with this kind of response, and if it's meant innocently then it's perfectly fine too.

I've replied

What a funny coincidence (laughing emoji)

I don't want to be accused of being rude by ignoring her

This.

You're coming across as rather hostile OP. You spent £70 on a gift for the grandchild of someone you DEFINITELY won't be friends with . You should've just stopped at the flowers.

I don't think she intended to offend you. Or maybe she definitely doesn't want to be your friend either so is trying to subtly deflect your advances.

I think that's perfect.

But possibly it's mortifying.

Who knows!

Not remotely rude or belittling, good lord. It's a funny coincidence and she told you why.

If someone gets you a gift that unbeknownst to them is from a company you're heavily involved in, it's absolutely a coincidence worth mentioning. Why would you hide it?

It's not mocking the OP's gift at all. The neighbour probably appreciates the thought more than the expense. Flowers are a "token" gift anyway, they're hardly something the receiver is expected to treasure forever.

That is a good reply. I again would not have read rudeness into her message. Given that both her husband and daughter worked/work for the same company (and him at board level) it is obviously that their family is intrinsically linked to this brand (it is sort of part of their family DNA). It must have been funny to get a gift of that brand - they are probably so used to gifting it to others. Is quite nice that she thought to relay this to you, she obviously likes you and thinks she can share jokes with you.

Exactly, i would bet the neighbour said it as least awkward way to let her know, it's easier for her to find out soon and by text. If the neighbour said nothing and then it came out who her daughter is and their connection to the brand op would rightly be wondering : well what did they make out of that gift I'd sent then?
I think op just resents having been vulnerable with a stranger and takes herself too seriously.

Hmmmm, yes it’s rude. She is telling you the family own the company (or as near as if he was a director) and that they don’t normally buy or have the products themselves, which means they don’t like them, or they’d have a houseful of them if the have access to them.

But. It is exceptionally odd to throw £70 + worth of gifts at someone who was nice to you because they like being nice and supportive. She didn’t chat to you because she wanted something from you, but because she could see you needed support. You’ve made it transactional by over buying a gift, so now she feels beholden to you. That’s how gift giving works. A bunch of supermarket flowers would have been plenty. She knows how much the baby gift cost and it’s made her uncomfortable. Maybe she hasn’t even spent that much in the baby herself yet.

I just realised I would never say ‘we would never be friends’ seems a negative way to live.

op your reply was good

I think she was rude. No need for her to say that they don't buy the products. It implies she's not keen on them

But, I think you were rude to share this online, as she / her daughter might see it

Ha ha yes.

The OP reminds me of my Mum who always just assumed that everyone was being rude if there was any ambiguity at all.

I just assume that people are being nice (they usually are) unless it is glaringly obvious that they are being rude. This was I feel happy instead of upset.

^ this.

£70 ??

Rude, basically saying with their inside knowledge they wouldn't touch it with a bargepole. At best it's rather odd over-sharing with someone they have only just met. Also, you don't tell people you found their gift "funny".

@Almostateeagersmum2023 I agree with you, these sort of chance exchanges of kindness can often lead to the loveliest, life long friendships. I mean why would someone who has gone out of their way to be help you in the street after an accident (when she could have easily just stayed indoors and ignored it) thereafter be deliberately rude to a thoughtful gift? Quite sad and defensive to jump to such a conclusion.

Not rude at all no. Its funny that you've bought something where both of them are so familiar, one was on the board and one was a buyer, so very high up in the company. Absolutely not rude at all in any way.

Not rude but you didn't need to spend that much.

She should have just thanked you. No need for the unnecessary odd diatribe.

I don't think she was being rude on purpose, just sharing the coincidence.

Genuinely, why did you spend £70+ on her?
Are you uber rich?
Do you enjoy performative gift giving and this one slightly backfired?
It's very nice of you but maybe you need to rethink these kinds of gifts in the future. Nice of you to acknowledge her kindness though.

I wasn't going to reply because I thought there was no need to reply to her thank you message

that would be rude. Someone replies to say thank you and you just blank it, rather than a quick message back to acknowledge said thank you?

I get why you think it’s rude. It was the comment that “we don’t tend to buy them” that was rude - if she hadn’t said that, then the rest would be fine.

I think it's best to assume positive intent on your neighbour's part. I think she related a personal antidote slightly awkwardly. If she wanted to be rude I would expect no response at all.