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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think someone must be able to do something - part 3

615 replies

PurpleLampShades · 01/11/2023 09:09

I never thought I’d be needing to start a third thread but here we are. The first two threads have been a great source of support for me so I’m going to carry on.

First Thread
Second Thread

Long story short - DS (17) has been in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started when he was 15, though I have no proof as they deny it. This has been going on since at least March 2022. SS, the police and the DSL at his college have all been involved and things from that front have been pretty much exhausted. He has been on CIN and early intervention plans, been visited/spoken to by the police, offered workshops, counselling, contact centre etc. The main stumbling blocks are DS’s refusal/inability to recognise the abusive and toxic situation he is in and the resulting refusal to engage with services to extract him from it.
She is abusive, manipulative and extremely controlling. She has isolated him almost entirely from friends, family and hobbies. She is destroying his self esteem, confidence and self-worth. She controls his phone, who he speaks to, where he goes, what he does. I know she has slapped him around the face more than once and was seen to put her hand around his throat while they were kissing once. I don’t know if there are other incidents like that. The remaining protective factor is that he is still managing to attend college, although attendance is a bit of a concern.

I am at the point of not really knowing what to do now. I feel like I’ve lost him.

OP posts:
OldMaaa · 29/10/2025 17:41

I check this thread all the time in hopes of a positive update from the OP. I do hope the situation for her son has improved since she last updated. Thinking of you OP!

albapunk · 13/12/2025 01:48

Hi OP. Thinking about you as another Christmas approaches. I truly hope lack of Updates means all is well.🤞

amoobaa · 13/12/2025 10:39

Another person also thinking of you. Hope you are ok and sending best wishes for you and your son.

BookArt55 · 14/12/2025 00:00

Merry Christmas OP, hoping no news means a positive outcome!

TheMadGardener · 14/12/2025 10:21

I also think of @PurpleLampShades and hope things have improved and that she and her son are spending time together this Christmas and free of that abusive woman.

SabrinaCarpetCleaner · 20/12/2025 20:35

@PurpleLampShades's son will be 19 now. One hopes that she hasn't updated in so long because both she and her son have moved on from it all, and the dreadful girlfriend is a distant memory 🤞

Thedogscollar · 26/12/2025 23:10

I check this thread a lot and always hope to hear a good outcome. I hope your son and yourself are doing well @PurpleLampShades

SuffolkUnicorn · 01/01/2026 19:17

Hope you’re ok purplelampshade xx

lbnblbnb · 01/01/2026 22:06

Thinking of you and your son @PurpleLampShades

IHateLegDay · 26/01/2026 12:47

Hi @PurpleLampShades
I was thinking about you earlier today and hoping that whatever has happened since you last posted has been positive.
If you ever decide to come back, just know there are people here who still have you in our thoughts and wish you well xx

Newname71 · 26/01/2026 12:55

I think of you and your son often. I hope things have improved for you both x

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 26/01/2026 18:41

I think of you often too. I hope your son is home, I hope you now have some more help and support to get through this. AT the same time I now realise your son will be 18 or thereabouts.

Betterdeadthannever · 29/03/2026 00:28

@PurpleLampShades I'm going through something similar with my dc. The nights are the hardest to get through as my brain won't switch off.

I hope and pray that you've got you son back safe and sound 🙏🏼 and that you are doing okay.

wibblywobblywoo · 29/03/2026 13:21

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 26/01/2026 18:41

I think of you often too. I hope your son is home, I hope you now have some more help and support to get through this. AT the same time I now realise your son will be 18 or thereabouts.

Checking back the OP says that the son would be 18 in July 2024 so he's actually going to be 20 this Summer.

Would love to have a positive update to this. 🙏

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 29/03/2026 13:29

I often think of this poster and how her son is doing.

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