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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think someone must be able to do something - part 3

615 replies

PurpleLampShades · 01/11/2023 09:09

I never thought I’d be needing to start a third thread but here we are. The first two threads have been a great source of support for me so I’m going to carry on.

First Thread
Second Thread

Long story short - DS (17) has been in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started when he was 15, though I have no proof as they deny it. This has been going on since at least March 2022. SS, the police and the DSL at his college have all been involved and things from that front have been pretty much exhausted. He has been on CIN and early intervention plans, been visited/spoken to by the police, offered workshops, counselling, contact centre etc. The main stumbling blocks are DS’s refusal/inability to recognise the abusive and toxic situation he is in and the resulting refusal to engage with services to extract him from it.
She is abusive, manipulative and extremely controlling. She has isolated him almost entirely from friends, family and hobbies. She is destroying his self esteem, confidence and self-worth. She controls his phone, who he speaks to, where he goes, what he does. I know she has slapped him around the face more than once and was seen to put her hand around his throat while they were kissing once. I don’t know if there are other incidents like that. The remaining protective factor is that he is still managing to attend college, although attendance is a bit of a concern.

I am at the point of not really knowing what to do now. I feel like I’ve lost him.

OP posts:
Hazey19 · 23/12/2024 20:00

I read one of your posts a while ago, maybe last year and then I couldn’t find it again but it’s one that has always stuck in my mind and I hoped your son, and you were ok. It’s just popped up again and I’ve read your posts from the summer. I hope things have got better for you both. Xxx

jamimmi · 24/12/2024 15:08

@PurpleLampShades just beet chatting to my kids and thought of you and your son Hoping you are together and well this Christmas

CloverHilla · 24/12/2024 15:19

💜💜💜💜💜💜

oakleaffy · 24/12/2024 18:40

Hello Purple 💜 You and your lovely son are on my mind, too.

Hoping that he is able to free himself of the shackles emotionally and return to a healthier life.

leopardprintpants · 24/12/2024 18:42

Purple, I think of you and your son often.

I hope you are together tomorrow, and you both have the most wonderful day together.

Wizzadorra70 · 24/12/2024 19:18

The OP may not want a reminder of this thread if nothing has changed so please don't tag her. A little kindness goes a long way at this time of year.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas OP, no matter what form it takes Flowers

SassK · 24/12/2024 19:45

Wizzadorra70 · 24/12/2024 19:18

The OP may not want a reminder of this thread if nothing has changed so please don't tag her. A little kindness goes a long way at this time of year.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas OP, no matter what form it takes Flowers

This isn't necessary. Anyone tagging has did so to wish the OP their best (sadly there won't be anything detailed by @PurpleLampShades in the thread that she's been able to forget). Every reply here, tagged or otherwise, is kind and good intentioned - lets not make those who've tagged feel that they've been thoughtless.

IHateLegDay · 25/12/2024 01:16

I hope you have a lovely Christmas Purple.
I often wonder how you and your son are. I hope he's back home with you xx

SparklyBrickViper · 27/12/2024 19:45

Such sadness.

I hope the situation has improved.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 28/12/2024 00:24

Your story breaks my heart. Thinking of you and your son x

Parsley1234 · 28/12/2024 01:26

Just read your threads so so sad praying you get a better 2025 and your son comes home ❤️

Battyasfeck · 28/12/2024 20:21

All over Christmas, I have been desperately hoping your story has taken a turn for the better. All the best, OP.

IHateLegDay · 24/01/2025 15:33

Hi OP. It's been a while.
Still thinking of you and praying for you and your son.
I hope you're ok xxx

SuffolkUnicorn · 24/01/2025 18:47

Think about you a lot op hope you’re doing ok xx

Errors · 24/01/2025 18:57

Hope things have improved OP xxx

MyWashingGotDarkedOnAgain · 01/02/2025 01:14

Hi @PurpleLampShades
Just checking in. I think of you and your son often.
I hope things have improved for you both. All my love xx

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 01/02/2025 12:10

Another who is thinking of you and your son and wishing for things to have changed for the better.

PinacoladaV · 03/02/2025 21:01

I come back to this thread every few weeks to check for an update, thinking of you and your Son 💜

tensmum1964 · 11/02/2025 23:32

I also often wonder how you and your son are. My heart feels heavy for you, and I truly hope for a positive outcome for you both.

HateMyselfToo · 12/02/2025 18:17

How are you doing @PurpleLampShades ?

Dancingonaslice · 12/02/2025 23:26

Also still here. Your story touched so many mums purple and we are still here for you if it’s ever helpful to you to return. Sending love.

IHateLegDay · 27/02/2025 23:29

It's nearly spring. The time for new beginnings.
I hope this season brings a new chapter for you and your son.
Thinking of you both xx

dutchyoriginal · 07/03/2025 17:09

Thinking of you and your son, and hoping he will come back soon ❤️

UpTheGunners · 14/03/2025 01:02

Thinking of you @PurpleLampShades

amoobaa · 24/03/2025 21:30

Another person thinking of you and your son. I think of you often and hope for good news. Sending you strength and hope x