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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - sister and brother in law seemingly excluding me

190 replies

MarleneH · 31/10/2023 23:23

Good evening all,
please advise me if I’m being unreasonable being annoyed?

my husbands sister (SIL) brought hubby a gift for his birthday last year to go to a concert in December. I found out last week that It’s not just hubby and sister in law going, it’s sister in law and her partner, and my brother in law and his partner - so couples night excluding me. My hubby is basically third wheeling.

do I have the right to feel annoyed? I feel excluded and disrespected tbh. I feel like I should have been asked.

it’s annoyed me because it’s basically hubby and his siblings plus their partners, but no one thought to ask me. I do not expect anyone to pay for me, but it would’ve been nice to have been asked and I could have sent over my money or booked my ticket. All sold out now so too late.

what would you do? Is it even worth me speaking to hubby?

Thanks
M x

OP posts:
hotcandle · 31/10/2023 23:31

YABU. I don't think your husband is third wheeling when he's been bought a ticket.

I don't know why you would talk to your husband about it? It's not his fault. Unless there is a drip feed here of you and your SIL not getting along?

I wouldn't think to invite someone to a concert they have shown no interest in before either.

Nanny0gg · 31/10/2023 23:34

Has he commented that he's the only one without a partner?

I do think it's odd and I would feel excluded too.

Do you normally all get on?

SM4713 · 31/10/2023 23:35

You've already posted this in another topic!

SkaneTos · 31/10/2023 23:35

Cross post?

Original poster
MarleneH · 31/10/2023 23:36

Yes sorry error! Will delete this one now.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 31/10/2023 23:37

Yes a true birthday gift should’ve been a concert ticket for him and a person of his choosing - not an add on for what seems like an already arranged event. Sounds like they were too tight to extend the ticket buying for you to go. As always though - what does your DH say about it?

Original poster
MarleneH · 31/10/2023 23:38

We haven’t spoke about it. I think we both are stunned and feel quite awkward. :-(

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 31/10/2023 23:39

MarleneH · 31/10/2023 23:38

We haven’t spoke about it. I think we both are stunned and feel quite awkward. :-(

Well in that case, the next chess move is his. But YANBU to be upset. I’d be fuming.

PestilencialCrisis · 31/10/2023 23:44

Three related couples and you alone aren't invited? I'd be upset by this. Yes, I would speak to DH about it, but only in a "why do you think they did that?" sort of way, not a "how dare they do that, you'd better not go or you're choosing them over me" kind of a way.

ExTheCheater · 31/10/2023 23:44

I don't see the problem. His siblings were obviously booking and thought he'd like it too so got him a ticket. Let him enjoy his night.

MistyMountainTop · 31/10/2023 23:49

Can you book a hotel near the venue, whilst they're all there you can do what would please you in or around the hotel - then DH could join you afterwards leaving the rest to take however long to get home? (and hopefully their train/car breaks down)

WhateverMate · 31/10/2023 23:51

MarleneH · 31/10/2023 23:38

We haven’t spoke about it. I think we both are stunned and feel quite awkward. :-(

Seriously? You're a married couple and you're both 'too stunned' to talk about this? Confused

Is there a backstory? Does your SIL not like you?

Cumbrianlife · 31/10/2023 23:54

Is it because they'll all be travelling in one car?

Densol57 · 01/11/2023 00:02

I would be really miffed at this too !
Bunch of prats
Hope the concert is shit ! 😂

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/11/2023 00:16

So two couples have bought tickets and one person bought her brother a ticket as his birthday present. I can see that two tickets might have been too expensive but it would have been nice to let you know they were all going and gifting his ticket. Do you normally all socialise together?

Mothership4two · 01/11/2023 00:32

PestilencialCrisis · 31/10/2023 23:44

Three related couples and you alone aren't invited? I'd be upset by this. Yes, I would speak to DH about it, but only in a "why do you think they did that?" sort of way, not a "how dare they do that, you'd better not go or you're choosing them over me" kind of a way.

^^this

It would have been nice/normal to have been asked if you wanted to buy a ticket to go too

Labradoodlie · 01/11/2023 00:37

i agree it’s bit odd not to have a river, but it’s very, very odd to be ‘too stunned’ to be able to discuss what is at worst a social faux pas with your husband.

ninjasnap · 01/11/2023 01:20

I can't move past the multiple repeated use of "hubby " I'm afraid...

Feraldogmum · 01/11/2023 01:59

Incredibly rude and frankly nasty, yanbu.Youve been deliberately excluded,why would they think he wouldn't want his wife to join him for a night out to celebrate his birthday, unless they knew it was something you wouldn't like. They should have mentioned it to you giving you the opportunity to pay for a ticket and join them.

Keeva2017 · 01/11/2023 02:11

Yanbu. How can they think that’s ok? Your husband needs to raise it, never mind being too stunned or awkward.

Bit of a plea though, drop the “hubby” use literally anything else!

ElleCapitaine · 01/11/2023 04:09

Depends on the concert. Tickets to U2 at the Las Vegas Dome? Is be furious. Tickets to see Coldplay? I’m washing my hair that night.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 01/11/2023 04:14

Really thoughtless and horrible of them to do that. They could have bought his ticket and got another one and said they had a spare if you wanted to buy it. I would be pissed off and your husband should say it to them. They sound horrible to be honest. Different if just him going with his sisters but the other partners also. Do they have form for this kind of behavior.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 01/11/2023 04:55

I agree that it is weird, and in fact rude, for them not to have asked you if you wanted to buy a ticket for yourself.

hattie43 · 01/11/2023 07:06

I have never bought tickets anywhere for just the birthday person , tickets have always been two in number for a partner / friend or whoever they choose to take .

Yes OP YANBU I'd be miffed too.

RedCoffeeCup · 01/11/2023 07:08

I'd be really hurt by this.