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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School asking me to buy a £30 costume

221 replies

Tedn · 31/10/2023 12:33

I’ll start with, this is a state school, in south east London, relatively nice area but like most London schools, some kids live in houses worth well over a million others in council houses. The school prides its self both on being inclusive and environmentally conscious.

DD is 4 and in reception, yesterday I got an email, giving all the children their nativity roles (yes I know very early but school say it’s to give parents a chance to buy the costumes) and with it links to the costume you should buy.
DD has been given the role of Angel Gabriel, the costume linked £30!!! The other angels costumes are only £15. DDs costume is the most expensive by £10 (the animals and the star are £20), and from a different place.
The teacher noted in the email that the PTA has some funds available to help those who may not be able to buy them and if that’s the case you should reach out to the class PTA rep on WhatsApp. However it’s not that I can’t afford it, it’s more just what’s the point on a £30 costume for one day? Why so much more expensive than the others?
The way the school does nativity is that the reception children have no real lines, instead all the Y1 and Y2 children narrate and the reception kids just act it out on stage. So it’s worse to me that I’d be paying £30 for a costume to wear for two afternoons to not even hear DD saying anything.
I spoke to the teacher briefly at drop off today and she said that they picked that costume as it stands out from the other angels and as she is Angel Gabriel they thought it would look better and make it easier to follow. She reminded me that I can speak to the PTA rep if I need any help buying it.
Now I’m also thinking that it’s just wasteful? What will I do with it when the nativity is over?
I will probably just buy the damned costume to save any headaches but AIBU to think this is a ridiculous, tone deaf (considering COL) and wasteful request from the school?

OP posts:
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5
DelurkingAJ · 31/10/2023 12:34

That’s rubbish on so many levels.

Our infant school kept the costumes from one year to the next. Both more environmentally friendly and also much cheaper in the medium term!

AbacusAvocado · 31/10/2023 12:36

I think what I find most shocking is that they expect you to approach the PTA rep (another class parent!) to disclose your financial position.

In your shoes I’d email the head, say basically what you’ve said here: this is unaffordable for many, parents should not have to plead poverty to other parents, this is also just wasteful (from an environmental perspective). Talk to some other parents you’re friendly with and agree none of you are going to spend the money then tell the school this!

ballsdeep · 31/10/2023 12:36

Easier to follow?! Blimey surely parents will understand the angel gabriel? I wouldn’t pay. It’s a ridiculous price to pay.

Fuckeditup1 · 31/10/2023 12:36

If you feel so strongly about it don’t pay
but your dd has no concept of money or how much things cost and will probably feel left out if she can’t dress up

WhateverMate · 31/10/2023 12:37

What will I do with it when the nativity is over?

Give it to the school so they have one for next year.

I agree though, they shouldn't be putting parents in this uncomfortable position, although the days of parents making their kid's costumes seem to be long gone.

Allmarbleslost · 31/10/2023 12:37

Surely it would make more sense for the PTA to fund the costumes then the school can use them year after year? What's the point in the next set of reception parents buying exactly the same costumes?

AlltheFs · 31/10/2023 12:37

Have a look in ebay/vinted/marketplace for a used one. Then flog the one you get afterwards. They can’t insist on an identical one to the one they linked to.

DD loves a costume and I buy loads of amazing ones used.

But it is crappy behaviour by the school definitely.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/10/2023 12:39

Can you find out who played angel Gabriel last year and see if they still have the costume?

I'm always curious as to why schools cast girls as Gabriel when it was actually a male angel!

RunningUpThatBuilding · 31/10/2023 12:39

Every school I’ve ever worked in (Scotland) provides these costumes (they are washed every year and reused the next).

I think this is outrageous and very out of touch!

Nothingbuttheglory · 31/10/2023 12:39

YANBU. I'm not understanding what's wrong with an old bed sheet and a tinsel halo.
I fall into the bracket of people who could spend £30 on a costume if they had to - so don't want to go down the PTA route - but who absolutely do not want to spend that much!

tinymeteor · 31/10/2023 12:39

Agree with a PP, parents shouldn’t have to shell out or else plead poverty to the PTA.

if the PTA has some funds why not use them to buy a full set of costumes, once, that get used every year? Ask this year’s parents to contribute on a voluntary basis if you like, but make it opt-in not opt-out.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 31/10/2023 12:40

having to provide something for a school play is not out of order but an instruction to buy a specific one is ridiculous. I’m sure if you google for cheap angel dress up ideas you’ll find something suitable

fedupandstuck · 31/10/2023 12:40

If you have a parent partnership meeting or similar you could suggest that costumes are kept for future years and that parents simply provide the base layer under the costume. So angels just need an all white outfit etc etc.

I don't think you'll be able to persuade them to do anything different this year, as it's already been decided and communicated, unfortunately.

SiousieSoo · 31/10/2023 12:41

But they would be reliant on all the costumes being returned in a complete and suitable manner for re-use and this is not at all guaranteed. This proposal would cost the PTA an absolute fortune and I don't think it is workable.

fedupandstuck · 31/10/2023 12:42

The costumes stay in school, no problem.

Original poster
Tedn · 31/10/2023 12:44

SiousieSoo · 31/10/2023 12:41

But they would be reliant on all the costumes being returned in a complete and suitable manner for re-use and this is not at all guaranteed. This proposal would cost the PTA an absolute fortune and I don't think it is workable.

I also doubt the PTA will have enough to cover costumes for 30, I reckon they will be expecting to cover less than 10 and the parents who pay for the other 20 will inevitably want them back.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 31/10/2023 12:44

My kids went to school where the costumes were reused every year. My son was an Angel and he wore an adult man's T-shirt with a halo made from Tinsel by a teacher or TA. Angel Gabriel had a yellow T-shirt and a different halo to the other angels. I supplied the T-shirt.

Nativities look best when the costumes are clearly "wrong" My son the shepherd had a plain dressing gown and tea towel on his head. He was the only shepherd who said no to face paints (beard and moist ache) so was a young shepherd on the programme 😂

ChimChimeny · 31/10/2023 12:44

Allmarbleslost · 31/10/2023 12:37

Surely it would make more sense for the PTA to fund the costumes then the school can use them year after year? What's the point in the next set of reception parents buying exactly the same costumes?

this is what is suggest to the head. I'd be really annoyed at spending a chunk of cash o n something so wasteful.

Lochness1975 · 31/10/2023 12:45

Do you have a local face group page where you could ask if anyone could volunteer to make an angel costume out of a bed sheet, netting, and tinsel? Someone may have time and be willing.

MuggleMe · 31/10/2023 12:46

Our school got large t-shirts and got the reception children to help decorate them for the different parts, and parents just needed to choose appropriate trousers and headwear. They just asked for £3 each.

BananaHamster · 31/10/2023 12:47

I wouldn't pay. I'd make one out of bedsheets, cardboard & tinsel just like in the 90s. Grin

jadey1991 · 31/10/2023 12:47

Omg that is taking the piss on so many different levels...

They school should provide things like this.
To be honest my daughters school is like this. I refuse to buy things that they will only wear once(not that I can't afford it because I can) but it's the principle.

With the cost of living I'm sure they should take that into consideration... op I would refuse to pay for it and make them pay for it seeing as they have the funds to do so

GunboatDiplomacy · 31/10/2023 12:48

Tedn · 31/10/2023 12:44

I also doubt the PTA will have enough to cover costumes for 30, I reckon they will be expecting to cover less than 10 and the parents who pay for the other 20 will inevitably want them back.

Show quote history

Not inevitably surely.

If I'd shelled out for a camel costume for an eight year old and the PTA rep said "we'd be very grateful if you donated it to the school for next year" then I'd happily hand it over to get rid of it and stop it going to waste.

MimiSunshine · 31/10/2023 12:48

that’s ludicrous. Surely they do this every year, why doesn’t the school already have costumes?

also I highly doubt that the PTA would fund it. That’s not what a PTA does, they have clear remits to support all children’s education at the school. Not buy expensive costumes for one or two kids.

Personally I’d be buying a large pillow case and some tinsel, making the former into a smock, using the tinsel for wrapping around a headband and buying some cheap Angel wings and telling the school to keep it afterwards.

DrCoconut · 31/10/2023 12:48

Angel costume used to be a pillow case with holes cut in (a white bin bag would work too) and tinsel. Maybe cardboard wings if you were from a particularly creative family! £30 is absurd, they'd be far better having a bank of costumes to reuse.

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