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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've spent my holiday fund

772 replies

OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:52

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed.

He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost.

AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

OP posts:
MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 12:53

Drip feed. What is the thing you spent the money on?

olderbutwiser · 30/10/2023 12:53

If separate finances is your choice then this is the kind of thing that's going to happen. 🤷‍♀️

EspressoMacchiato · 30/10/2023 12:53

Sorry OP I can never understand not pooling money as a married couple. It’s a bizarre concept for me.

CesareBorgia · 30/10/2023 12:54

You were up front with him so the ball is now in his court. He could look at a cheaper holiday than you usually have if he wants to pay your share.

Original poster
OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:54

It doesn't matter what the other thing is - he has no benefit from it. I do. It's not a drip feed.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/10/2023 12:54

Well he could pay for you or he could go on his own. Is he asking you to go or just telling you he wishes to go?

WhateverMate · 30/10/2023 12:55

Surely he can find a friend to go with?

Original poster
OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:55

We're married but no children so no requirement to pool funds.

OP posts:
Original poster
OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:55

He has had several holidays this year with his friends. He wants to go with me.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 30/10/2023 12:56

OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:55

He has had several holidays this year with his friends. He wants to go with me.

Well he can't 🤷‍♂️

LumpyPumpkin · 30/10/2023 12:56

What was his response now when you said you couldn't afford it?

SecondUsername4me · 30/10/2023 12:57

OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:55

He has had several holidays this year with his friends. He wants to go with me.

Then you just say "sorry, as we discussed, I have no holiday budget this year as I spent the money on X. Remember I told you?"

Do you mean a 2024 holiday?

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/10/2023 12:57

I'm confused why you have separate finances when it means you don't have equal spending money.

But if that's the way you have it and DH has always been agreeable then he just has to either loan you the money or accept you aren't going on holiday with him.

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 12:57

OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 12:54

It doesn't matter what the other thing is - he has no benefit from it. I do. It's not a drip feed.

Weoll, if it was a boob job, an overpriced dog, a pony, or a hip operation for granny might affect his (and my) attitude.

Wolfen · 30/10/2023 12:58

I take it he earns more than you?
He's your husband and he doesn't want to pay for you to go on holiday with him?

TheFlis · 30/10/2023 12:58

What is his proposed resolution?

LoneFemaleTraveller · 30/10/2023 12:58

There might be no requirement to pool funds, but he has had several holidays this year and you've had none? There is something very uneven about your financies. Why are your outgoings so high?

Fkalfkfcnmoo59600789 · 30/10/2023 12:58

Have you been paying for him to go on holiday with you? But now he won’t pay for the both of you? Is that correct?

TedMullins · 30/10/2023 12:59

Why can’t he pay for you or at least cover some of the cost and you pay him back? That’s what my partner and I do. I earn more and want to go on more holidays than he can afford so I pay for them upfront and he pays me back in instalments or pays for all good and drink on the holiday

PicturesOfDogs · 30/10/2023 13:00

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 12:57

Weoll, if it was a boob job, an overpriced dog, a pony, or a hip operation for granny might affect his (and my) attitude.

Show quote history

Does it really matter?

Surely, if you told him you’re spending your money on something else this year, so will have to forego the annual holiday, and he knew, what’s the issue?

if you hadn’t told him beforehand, then I could understand, but if you have not sure what the issue is?

WiIIow · 30/10/2023 13:00

How does he propose to go with you when you told him you wouldn't have the funds, and now you don't have the funds?

Your AIBU is are you being unreasonable because you spent money that you said you were going to spend. Of course YANBU.

WhateverMate · 30/10/2023 13:01

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 12:57

Weoll, if it was a boob job, an overpriced dog, a pony, or a hip operation for granny might affect his (and my) attitude.

Show quote history

It makes zero difference what it was.

He agreed they would forego their holiday together.

Original poster
OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 13:01

@MajorBarbara it's none of those things. It's not a drip feed but I won't be divulging what the other thing is so please feel free to leave the thread.

We earn about the same but he is from a wealthy family whereas I am not.

He just keeps talking about it and showing me holidays on his phone?? I've said I have spent my holiday budget. He doesn't seem to hear it.

OP posts:
Original poster
OverratedHoliday · 30/10/2023 13:02

Fkalfkfcnmoo59600789 · 30/10/2023 12:58

Have you been paying for him to go on holiday with you? But now he won’t pay for the both of you? Is that correct?

No I've never paid for him to go on holiday, he's always paid for himself and vice versa.

OP posts:
wherethewildtbingsgo · 30/10/2023 13:02

He sounds very irritating tbh. You've already told him you didn't have the budget for a holiday this year because you chose to spend it on something else (fair enough). He can either pay for you to go with him or not go and shut up about it.