I've spent my holiday fund

[OverratedHoliday]

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed.

He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost.

AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

@TheOwlChronicles enough of an issue for you to write a long boring post in response though??

Have you properly sat down with him, reminded him, showed him the thing you purchased as a reminder and said as a result I cannot afford a holiday that is more than £200 which is the budget for your Christmas present?

can we please wait until next year to discuss the next holiday?

you have got to be blunt with him.

Why isn't he paying for you if he has this huge saving pot from his parents?

Not the kinda marriage I'd want tbh

@nobleisle because that's his money and not mine I guess. I'm really not bothered about going on holiday so I'm not forcing him to pay for me, just saying I can't afford it this year.

I'm not married, wouldn't ever get married either.

Stop replying to him when he sends holidays on his phone or shows you stuff, just nod and say nice. and leave it at that. He knows you can't afford it.

I don't think it's that straight forward.

I don’t really understand what answers you’re hoping for here.

Either:

DH wants to go on holiday with you, pays for you both out of his savings as a treat (doesn’t get you anything for Xmas and you contribute £200 or whatever).

You clearly tell DH you can’t afford it. You don’t go?

DP and I have our own accounts and a joint account for bills etc. He has savings I don’t. If he wants us to go on a fancy holiday I can’t afford I pay what I can afford and he pays for the rest. When we went to Italy we split the cost 50/50. When we went to the Caribbean he paid for the flights and we split the hotel 50/50

@OverratedHoliday you keep explaining/justifying yourself but haven't actually said how he's responded. You don't have the money any more. He knew that. You don't kind him going by himself. What outcome is he expecting? (Apart from forgoing Christmas presents which it sounds like you've already said no to)

We had separate finances until DC, and would've continued to do so. Even now we pay into the joint account and get back equal personal spends which we spend or save as we wish, DH mainly spends his so I'm not topping him up from mine, we get more than enough to do both. So I might get where your husband is coming from a bit, IF his holidays mainly come from his income and you fritter yours, if his multiple holidays all come from his family wealth that's not a level playing field and he can't expect you to match his spending.

How hard is it for you to tell him to pack it in as you can’t afford a holiday, you discussed it before you spent the money and he knows this so pack it in. Remind him this happens if you don’t pool finances.

Do yous still go 50/50 on meals, food shopping etc? If he wants a holiday, why can't he just treat you?

I don't know if you're mixing it up with another thread, but I have not pleaded poverty at any point.

You clearly don't think its that boring if you're repeatedly replying. Why would I make this up? Don't bother to reply I'll be ignoring you and to answer your question, I don't want YOU to say anything. Yawn.

So he pays for you to go with him .
Simple.
Call it a birthday present

So you're telling him that you can't afford it and have spent the money every time he brings it up - how is he then responding to that?

I have told him several times I can no longer afford a holiday this year. He seems to not hear it and continue to look at holidays and show me them.

We always go to adult only resorts which are more expensive. He's suggested going on a cheaper holiday but alongside not being able to afford it whether it's cheaper or not, I would really rather not go if other people's kids are going to be there.

TBH YABU. You are married why wouldn't you want to holiday together? You don't sound like much of a couple if you'd rather spend your money for something so individual. Yes he could pay for you but why should he when you only want to spend your money on you

Yes we go 50/50 on everything we spend together, food, bills, mortgage, nights out.

Just ask him straight up if he is planning to pay for you then? If not ask him to stop showing you holidays. I'm another one who doesn't understand not pooling resources once married - why would the wealthier person not want the love of their life to have access to equal resources? But each to their own I guess.

I do want to holiday with him. I just wanted to do this thing once and sadly don't have the funds to do both in one year.

Then if he can afford it, he should treat you.

You're his wife, for heaven's sake, not some random he's just met at a bus stop!

How does he expect you to pay for it when he knows that you have already spent the money on something else (and with his blessing).?

I think you just jumped the shark there @OverratedHoliday 😂

By the way he’s not your DH cause you’d ‘never get married’ - he’s your partner/ boyfriend.

Agree

YANBU. You told him you were spending what would be the holiday money and it is your money to do as you wish.

We have DC and don’t pool our money either, I’d never agree to it.

My money is mine and I’d be pissed if DH thought he had a say which is why separate works the best for us as he feels the same way.