I've spent my holiday fund

[OverratedHoliday]

DH and I have separate finances - always have. Earlier this year I signed up for something that would cost around the same as our annual holiday. I asked DH if he minded me foregoing our holiday for this as I couldn't afford to do both and he agreed.

He is now wanting a holiday and I've said I can't afford it as I've spent my holiday funds on the other cost. He has no benefit from the other cost.

AIBU? I did ask him at the time. Plus he has funds and he could afford to pay for me if he wanted to go that badly.

Tough!

I got the last one. Apparently there's been a rush of orders since they were mentioned on some social media site . . .

The Mystery Purchase was absolutely worth it. I admire it every day.

Definitely the gin distillery in a shed in the garden. What's my prize?

Does he earn a lot more than you? If so I would think he should be offering to pay for you - even if he says it’s your Christmas present! If not then tough, he’ll have to go alone or with someone else but I don’t understand married couples who don’t share everything personally.

OP, you'd be able to afford this holiday if you got £1 for every time someone said something like 'I don't understand married couples who don't share finances'. 😂

I'm so intrigued as to what it is! lol I feel like this about a special watch I bought 🙈

Why are you bringing in all these imaginary scenarios? I've explained my set up, which works for us.

🤣🤣

I was married and preferred to go on holiday with my mum and the kids then with ex hubby. I spoiled them. We weren't in the right place, the food we got was disgusting, drank all the time. I understand not want to go away with him. Same as not pooling money. I did that. I had to sneak money out to buy food pay bills etc as he wanted all the money to buy his beer and tabacco.

I’ve read the whole thread and am a little lost as to what more the op can have from us except, “yeah he’s a bit unreasonable seeing as you discussed it”. And “what is his solution when you’ve made him stop and listen when you say that you spent your share having discussed it with him and now have no money.”
All we can do is keep telling you to make it clear to him.

We have children and don’t pool funds. I find it bizarre that people do pool their money. For what purpose?

@Segway16 in many families someone will have reduced their hours (even if just for maternity leave) when DC are on the scene. Not really fair for that person if they have to have a lower standard of living as have lower funds.

Even if you take DC out of the equation not all couples earn similar amounts, again does the person earning the most money go on expensive holidays, go to expensive restaurants etc whilst their partner has to stay at home as they can’t afford these luxuries

I'm interested. All those of you who are appalled by the separate finances, are accusing OPs DH of abuse because he doesn't automatically share his savings from his parents with his wife. Would you expect a woman entering a marriage with a decent lump sum to just hand over half of it? (Sorry move away from the main point OP!)

Please please don’t ever have children - you sound like ms trunchbull!!

Definitely not. DH and I have been married for over 20 years and have separate savings, as well as joint accounts.

Many long term couples do treat each other to various things though, not everything is 50/50 over decades. In our case that’s included meals out, holidays, etc. We’ve also kept each other at various times, for example, we’ve both pursued further education as ultimately, those degrees benefited both of us and our children.

Anyway, this thread has been done to death now!

Yes some of the time that is what happens. I travel a lot more than my partner. He’s welcome to get a higher paid job if he feels so inclined

And you sound like a dickhead.

Exactly.

I earn more than DH because I'm interested in continuing to progress. We work for the same company so I know his options, he is content where he is which is fair enough but if he wants more money then he needs to continue to progress.

If he took some time out due to illness, became a SAHP etc then it would be different though I would never agree to him becoming a SAHP.

This has got to be one of the most pointless threads on MN.

OP and DH have completely separate finances. Many of us find that odd but each to their own.

OP told her DH she was spending her "holiday fund" on something else this year so there'd be no holiday. He said fine.

DH is now acting like they will still be going on holiday.

So, OP just needs to say "as you know I've spent this year's holiday fund so I won't be going". That is it. Nothing more.

What exactly is the AIBU here?!

@TedMullins I’m sure that you treat him sometimes though :-).

Yes, sometimes I do but most of the time if I pay for something he pays me back eventually. Unless it’s his birthday!

You have more patience than me. Its bad enough when i have to repeat myself to kids but when its adult my fuse is short.

Id have snapped by now "go your f*cking self because im skint" if he kept on at me.

Unless you have a money printer youve failed to mention, you cant go so he needs to gdt that through his skull and stop pestering you!

@ScartlettSole 😁😁😁

It’s just so completely bizarre to me that a married couple would keep their finances so separate that one would go on holiday without the other because they couldn’t afford it.

@SillySausage53 would also like to know whether these posters would look down on their partner if they did a low paid but very worthwhile job like carer, and wave them goodbye every time they fly off on their expensive holiday

Well in my case we’re not married, sometimes I do front the money for him to go on holiday, but I also don’t feel the need for him to come with me every time I go away. I like solo travelling too