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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

582 replies

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:18

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

OP posts:
Moreempatheticmyarse · 29/10/2023 22:20

Advice on moving forward please.

Call the baby by its name

The child will probably end up developing a nickname as he grows older anyway. Even the most traditional names like Elizabeth or James end up with nicknames. Sit back, let the nickname develop organically

ColleenDonaghy · 29/10/2023 22:22

I think you're going to have to sort this OP and say something. Fine not to like the name but it IS grandchild's name. Dislike of the name isn't worth damaging the relationship and that's what will happen. Tell him in no uncertain terms to cop on to himself.

ColleenDonaghy · 29/10/2023 22:23

Oh, and while the name does sound a bit awful, a much wider range of names is used these days so there's no guarantee of bullying or eye rolling from their own generation.

Sarahzb · 29/10/2023 22:24

Tell him to do one

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 29/10/2023 22:25

Tell your husband to use the babies name/ nickname.

Would he feel more comfortable using a shorter version like "Star" for Starry-Sky?

Ultimately its not up to your husband to judge the name, it's the babies name and he will have to get used to it.

Also if your son was adamantly against the name he probably would have said something so its not just to your daughter in laws taste.

Callmemummynotmaaa · 29/10/2023 22:25

Honestly, it’s your grandchild, not your child. You don’t get to name them. He needs to use the name their parents chose.

As a mum, this would frustrate me. It’s disrespectful, and I would understand it to mean he is prioritizing his judgement/opinion/his needs over building a relationship with that child, which Id find disappointing/hurtful.

Moving forwards…he needs to change if he wants to continue building a relationship with his DIL and grandchild. Relinquish control. This is not something he can alter.

And…maybe stop panicking about the future? By the time they are in school kids often call themselves different versions of their own names anyway! But let it come from them/be their choice.

fluffypotatoes · 29/10/2023 22:25

Call the baby it's name

MoltenLasagne · 29/10/2023 22:26

I have known some completely whacky children's names in the past. Most of the time you think "really, you went with that?" the first few times you hear it, then it just becomes their name.

Don't create bad feeling over it. Your DH can either get over the cringe or he'll damage the relationship. It's not like they'll be renaming him.

PuzzledObserver · 29/10/2023 22:27

He’ll get used to the baby’s name.

I rolled my eyes when I heard what my niece had named her baby. But I heard his name and used his name, and now it’s just his name.

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/10/2023 22:29

He needs to suck it up I’m afraid. It’s the kids name, his parents chose it and that’s that - surely it’s not worth damaging the relationship over? Given the parents have noticed, that’s what’s going to happen if he doesn’t change his behaviour. Blu-Tyger-Stargazer (or whatever) will roll off the tongue eventually if he starts to use it..

nocoolnamesleft · 29/10/2023 22:35

Thinking the name is fucking stupid? Absolutely fine. Letting the parents know you think that after the baby has been named? Even more fucking stupid than the name. This is not worth throwing away the relationship with a grandchild over. He needs to use the daft name, and apologise for it having taken a while for him to get used to it.

toastofthetown · 29/10/2023 22:37

It might not be a problem for too long. If he keeps it up, the relationship could cool to a point that the son and daughter in law are less concerned about fostering a relationship between your husband and the baby. The only person whose view on the name is relevant is the baby, and as he isn't old enough to express an opinion yet, his parents' opinions take precedence. He might love his name. He might hate, and if so can change it freely and easily. But that has nothing to do with his grandfather's view on the name.

And one assumes your child is also "a bit whacky" as they were presumably also involved in the naming of the baby...

Mariposista · 29/10/2023 22:38

Do you reckon your son was involved at all in giving the child a silly name or would he have just given his partner whatever she wanted to keep the peace?
Ultimately there is nothing you or DH can do about it. Shame for the kid though...

Original poster
Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:38

It’s not just about the fact that the name is absurd and cringey, it’s also because he says he can’t say it and keep a straight face which obviously is not going to go down well. He says he can’t say it out loud without laughing. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 22:38

Just use a shortened version, like Star rather than Starry Sky.

He has to suck it up.

Original poster
Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:40

Mariposista · 29/10/2023 22:38

Do you reckon your son was involved at all in giving the child a silly name or would he have just given his partner whatever she wanted to keep the peace?
Ultimately there is nothing you or DH can do about it. Shame for the kid though...

No, he is completely under the thumb and goes along with whatever she wants- I think he’s a bit scared of her, she has outbursts and is easily angered

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 22:40

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:38

It’s not just about the fact that the name is absurd and cringey, it’s also because he says he can’t say it and keep a straight face which obviously is not going to go down well. He says he can’t say it out loud without laughing. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings.

Well he needs to fucking learn because it’s his grandchild’s name. Is he planning to tell them their name is laughable??

You are indulging this man child far too much OP. Tell him to grow up.

MidnightOnceMore · 29/10/2023 22:40

YABU, or rather DHIBU.

Call the baby by its name.

Never mind worrying about future bullying - the child's own grandfather is basically bullying the child by refusing to use its given name!

Original poster
Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:41

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 22:38

Just use a shortened version, like Star rather than Starry Sky.

He has to suck it up.

It can’t be shortened unfortunately- shortened version sounds like a rude word

OP posts:
Original poster
Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:42

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 22:40

Well he needs to fucking learn because it’s his grandchild’s name. Is he planning to tell them their name is laughable??

You are indulging this man child far too much OP. Tell him to grow up.

Show quote history

Oh yes, he’d very much like to tell them the name is laughable!

OP posts:
Bellyblueboy · 29/10/2023 22:42

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:38

It’s not just about the fact that the name is absurd and cringey, it’s also because he says he can’t say it and keep a straight face which obviously is not going to go down well. He says he can’t say it out loud without laughing. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings.

Oh he’s one of those inside table arses who ‘just says it how it is’.

as others have said his know it all superior attitude will cause a rift pretty soon. The ‘whacky’ daughter in law and your son (who apparently is so passive and invisible that he played no part in naming his child) will stops all contact with the man who mocks them.

the name may indeed be stupid - but is your husband so self important and stubborn that he can’t put that aside to safeguard this relationship.

he must be awful to live with. I imagine him pompously correcting everyone and shouting at the ‘lefties’.

MidnightOnceMore · 29/10/2023 22:42

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:38

It’s not just about the fact that the name is absurd and cringey, it’s also because he says he can’t say it and keep a straight face which obviously is not going to go down well. He says he can’t say it out loud without laughing. He’s not very good at hiding his feelings.

Sorry, this is ridiculous. Of course he can say it without laughing.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 29/10/2023 22:42

If he wants to spend time with his grandson your husband needs to stop acting like a ridiculous child. Of course he can keep a straight face if he wants to.

Original poster
Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:43

MidnightOnceMore · 29/10/2023 22:42

Sorry, this is ridiculous. Of course he can say it without laughing.

Show quote history

Honestly he can’t, he’s tried practicing with just me

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2023 22:44

Shortened version sounds like a rude word? Is it Cunty-Star? If so don’t worry..there’s six of them in DDs class.