Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

[Blyther]

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

Sounds like your DS is just as wacky as your DIL, given he agreed to name his DC too.

Your DH needs to call said child by their name, or you'll probably find yourselves uninvited to spending any time with them.

OP, this is obviously causing a rift and needs to be addressed. I agree that using a shorthand name would probably work well - I know you said it's rude when shortened, but if it's a double-barrelled name, there must be at least one sensible option. E.g 'Starry-Skye' could be either Starry, Star or Skye. Maybe even using initals of each name as a last resort? I'm thinking along the lines of 'Stormy Knight' becomes 'SK' or even just 'K'.

This unholy terror that some of you have about ‘unusual’ names will never stop amusing me. It’s so illogical.

And, no, it is very unlikely that a child born in 2023 will get bullied about their name. The names that you all find so abhorrent are now fairly commonplace amongst younger generations and they have less rigid criteria and a more flexible attitude as to what they consider ‘normal’.

I had a 20 year old patient whose name was “Jawduhn”. As he said, his parents were “fucking hippies” who thought they were being “original”. In fact, he was embarrassed and had to explain it constantly. He said he was grateful he wasn’t studying law or anything similar.

So this!

Of course he has to force himself to use it!! It is the child's name.

my nan never said my name right my df corrected her but sh never got it-macde me feel like she couldnt be bothered

Is your grandchild Dixie Dazzle?

I can just see this poor kid going through school being mocked and bullied for this ridiculous name, changing it as soon as he or she's legally able to, DIL posting another of those "My DC is changing name I am so upset" posts, and the by-then teenager saying "Granddad was the only person who stood up and said what a godawful fake name you chose, Mum!"

To be honest, if I found the name to be completely absurd then I wouldn't willingly feed the mothers ridiculous-ness by calling them said name. I would also call them something Along the lines of 'little one' or 'poppet'.

However, If the baby is called a name with 'Bear ','River' or 'Breeze in it, I would think your husband is being ridiculous, as those are common names and easy to use one of the double barrelled names as a shorter name.

I don’t think any of those names PP came up with are that bad really. If it’s peace I don’t get the piss connection - no one hears War and Piss do they? If it’s dick I don’t see the problem. I have a Dick in my family and always liked the name - and honestly like people have said here it just becomes a name in the end. Button is cute.

id imagine the issue comes when he’s saying “can you pass me Button-Bear’s baby grow”? Why’s it so hard just to say it occasionally? Or to say “B-Bear’s” or little bear’s or whatever?

it’s actually so hurtful to have someone criticise your name choice - and it’s literally none of his business. I mean if he met a business acquaintance called this would he just laugh in their face and refuse to say their name or would he just crack the fuck on and call them by their name to be respectful?

show him these posts and tell him to get over himself.

also it won’t be just him who gets banned from seeing the child - it’ll be you too. And honestly even if she IS a controlling bitch, this will give her every right to go no contact with you.

You only get to choose your own baby’s name ffs. This has really irked me. For someone so worried his grandchild is going to be bullied for his name it’s funny that he’s the one choosing to take first go at being the bully.

Oh no. By KS2 the other boys will be shortening his name to the rude word. There must be another way to shorten the name and use that as a nickname. If it's a hyphenated name then your DH could just call his grandson by the least weird name?

Crazy names only work for celebrity babies.

For someone so worried his grandchild is going to be bullied for his name it’s funny that he’s the one choosing to take first go at being the bully.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I don't believe the agenda you are trying to write OP, I bet he is not under the thumb, participated in naming his child, and he takes no bull from you or your pathetic husband. Grow up

Oh come on. Anyone after 4 months can say a name. He is being childish. I can see the relationship going one way here.

This is going to impact how often they want to see you.

It's Master Skywalker isn't it? :-) :-) :-)

This kind of DIL blame and refusal to use your GC's name will eventually turn into, "I don't know why they never visit and I never see my son and GC anymore."

Most of the ones who have sons who jointly made a decision that doesn't suit granny.

Dickie bird?

This will resolve itself when the baby grows up and can't bear to call your husband "grandad" so decides just to call him Old Bastard instead.

Well, either your husband gets the fuck over himself or he potentially loses his grandchild and son and dil. And you may too.

Is it worth it?

And yet, he chose to marry her and chose to have a child with her! 🤔

Anyhow, regardless of outbursts, anger, fear or anything else, the name is the name and should be used.

Or perhaps, just tell your DH that he has to go out when spineless son and angry daughter-in-law come round with strange name baby.

And please, use the name that the parents gave, otherwise, the child will grow up seeing how disrespectful your DH is being, not only to his parents, but also to him!

Urgh yes. It's always the daughter in law's fault isn't it?

They don't realise what they're saying is they did a piss poor job as parents. If they raise a child who (excluding abuse. I'm talking about non abusive situations) they claim is 'completely controlled', and doesn't have a mind of their own and they go on about how everything is the fault of the woman he's with then they failed to raise a fully functioning human being and should stfu because they're in no position to judge anyone.

Tell him to keep saying the name out loud when the baby and parents aren’t there.

After saying it 10 times an hour for a few days, it will be like water off a ducks back.

Laughing out loud when saying the name is disrespectful as well, and you need to stop enabling him but tell him that whilst he might not care if he ruins his relationship with spineless and angry, you want to keep the relationship, as well as seeing baby and having a relationship with him.

I think rather than worry that the child may be bullied, you need to worry that your husband’s refusal to call your grandson by his name may result in you both being removed from his life. Maybe every time your husband wants to laugh saying his name he should be thinking about this. He needs to keep practising, before it’s too late.