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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband won’t call grandchild by his name

582 replies

Blyther · 29/10/2023 22:18

our grandchild (5 months) has an unusual name. It’s a made up name which is a bit ‘out there’- think along the lines of ‘starry-Skye’ or ‘misty-bridge’. Our daughter in law is a bit whacky.

It’s of course entirely up to the parents to choose the name of their child but my husband won’t even say his name as it makes him cringe so much. He refers to the baby as ‘the little one’ or will call him by his middle name.

It’s now become apparent to the parents how he refuses to use his name and it’s causing an atmosphere. I just don’t know what to say to them as I completely understand his point and feel very sorry about the potential bullying he (the baby) is likely to encounter further down the road.

Advice on moving forward please.

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 29/10/2023 22:54

CherryMyBrandy · 29/10/2023 22:49

I disagree with the PPs. If he doesn't want to say it he shouldn't have to force himself to use it. He's entitled to his opinion. Can he find a nice nickname for the child to use instead? Lots of grandparents have nicknames for their grandchildren.

And the parents are entitled to say "No his name is Shaggy Bear, please don't call him Booboo"

Jellycats4life · 29/10/2023 22:54

Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2023 22:44

Shortened version sounds like a rude word? Is it Cunty-Star? If so don’t worry..there’s six of them in DDs class.

🤣🤣🤣

Scottishskifun · 29/10/2023 22:54

I don't call my nieces by their made up names never have. I abbreviate it to the first letter or first couple of letters. When they were babies I stuck the word baby infront of it.

One of them now introduces herself as the abbreviation I have always used.
Might be worth a try for him?
I'm also rubbish at poker so couldn't say their names without a look or laugh no matter how hard I tried so this was a good compromise

Stupidnighty · 29/10/2023 22:55

Bellyblueboy · 29/10/2023 22:42

Oh he’s one of those inside table arses who ‘just says it how it is’.

as others have said his know it all superior attitude will cause a rift pretty soon. The ‘whacky’ daughter in law and your son (who apparently is so passive and invisible that he played no part in naming his child) will stops all contact with the man who mocks them.

the name may indeed be stupid - but is your husband so self important and stubborn that he can’t put that aside to safeguard this relationship.

he must be awful to live with. I imagine him pompously correcting everyone and shouting at the ‘lefties’.

Show quote history

@Bellyblueboy whats an inside table arsehole? I’ve never heard that before.

@Blyther - you need to call the child the name it’s parents gave it- it isn’t about you or your husband, your feelings don’t matter when it comes to someone else’s name.

How do you suppose laughing at his name, slagging it and his parents off and refusing to do him the simple courtesy of using his actual name is going to help him cope with possible bullying in the future?!

Hopskiplou · 29/10/2023 22:55

Well, Shaggy is not that bad - if that’s the first bit shorten to ‘Sha’ or use second bit exclusively? Or just use second bit exclusively anyway. Could you do that OP?

Bellyblueboy · 29/10/2023 22:55

it should have been intolerable - auto correct got me.

Timeaftertim3 · 29/10/2023 22:55

Well, you both sound self righteous and pompous tbh and well done for raising a supposedly incredibly passive child who didn’t have any say in the name of his child. Good job there.

MeinKraft · 29/10/2023 22:56

I think your DIL had a thread about you last week

Moveoverdarlin · 29/10/2023 22:56

I think he sounds ignorant. He needs to say his name. He will get used to it.

When I was at college there was this drop-dead gorgeous girl, she was so pretty, like a supermodel and she was also quite hard and street wise. She had the oddest old lady name (this was the early 2000s) and I assumed people were joking about her name (think Brenda, Maureen, Hilda, Barbara, Sheila sort of vibe). But after I got to know her she really suited it, she had such a presence about her you just warmed to her and her name was just part of her.

You WILL get used to it.

LolaSmiles · 29/10/2023 22:59

I was hoping we'd find out what the name is.

He's going to have to get over it or have a nickname that works.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 29/10/2023 22:59

I call reverse.

This is batshit.

Stupidnighty · 29/10/2023 23:00

CherryMyBrandy · 29/10/2023 22:49

I disagree with the PPs. If he doesn't want to say it he shouldn't have to force himself to use it. He's entitled to his opinion. Can he find a nice nickname for the child to use instead? Lots of grandparents have nicknames for their grandchildren.

He can think what he likes in his head but you don’t get to just call people by some random name- would you be happy if your boss said he thought your name was stupid so he was going to call you Sue instead?!

Torganer · 29/10/2023 23:02

So you have a husband who is rude and immature and won’t call a child their own name. You have a son who you think has no agency and is ‘under the thumb’. Maybe reflect on the upbringing you have given your children and hope your poor grandchild doesn’t have to suffer that too.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 29/10/2023 23:03

Have local names/titles for kids been done away with?

my parents are from the North, growing up my brother was usually called 'sonna boy' by my Grandad (as were most grandsons by their Grandads, but also Dads and other men' , I guess 'boy of son' is how it started?!

can he not call the baby something like this, or the second part of his name if the first bit doesn't work?

cunty bear -bear

or just gorgeous boy/pumpkins/grandads boy.

safer to avoid the baby's name if he's just going to say it wrong or laugh.

monsteramunch · 29/10/2023 23:04

@Scottishskifun

I don't call my nieces by their made up names never have. I abbreviate it to the first letter or first couple of letters. When they were babies I stuck the word baby infront of it.

"Made up names"? Surely even if the name is a "made up" one, once it's theirs it is an actual name... literally, as it belongs to them?

I don't understand what you have to gain from refusing to use their name once it becomes clear the parents aren't going to change the child's name if people refuse to use it.

If you refused during the pregnancy, for example, I guess you could claim to be trying to persuade them to (in your eyes) see sense.
But once you know it won't be changing, what is the benefit to your niece for you to refuse to use the name that is now theirs?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/10/2023 23:05

Tell him to stop being a bell end and call the child by their name

LulooLemon · 29/10/2023 23:05

What's the name OP?

Mumsanetta · 29/10/2023 23:05

This reply has been deleted

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Schlurp · 29/10/2023 23:06

He just needs to keep saying it. He will get used to it, just like every teacher, nursery worker, friend's parent etc etc will do.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/10/2023 23:07

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Tbf she’s not far behind

LuluBlakey1 · 29/10/2023 23:08

Pinkpinkpink15 · 29/10/2023 23:03

Have local names/titles for kids been done away with?

my parents are from the North, growing up my brother was usually called 'sonna boy' by my Grandad (as were most grandsons by their Grandads, but also Dads and other men' , I guess 'boy of son' is how it started?!

can he not call the baby something like this, or the second part of his name if the first bit doesn't work?

cunty bear -bear

or just gorgeous boy/pumpkins/grandads boy.

safer to avoid the baby's name if he's just going to say it wrong or laugh.

My grandad called both of his grandsons 'Sonna' and me 'Pet'. 😁We all just answered to it.

'Or 'Where's my little lad/lass' as he gave us a cuddle.

Hopskiplou · 29/10/2023 23:08

@Pinkpinkpink15 Cunty Bear! 😂🤣 Country, maybe?

I am loving this thread, which I suspect is a wind up, but has me laughing out loud

RoomOfRequirement · 29/10/2023 23:09

Tell your grown husband to grow tf up. That's what this comes down to. He's acting like an immature child. He can say the name, he's choosing not to, and I hope he's ok with damaging the family relationships because of his childishness.

cariadlet · 29/10/2023 23:10

I sympathise with the op's dp. If it's a name you dislike, you can suck it up but that can be hard if it's absolutely ridiculous.

I can quite see that he could be a loving grandad, a decent/non-controlling dh and still find it genuinely impossible to say the name while keeping a straight face.

It might grow on him over time, not to the extent of him liking it but to the extent of getting used to it and thinking of his dgs when he hears it.

Meanwhile, he needs to avoid commenting on the name in front of your ds and dil. If terms like 'the baby' or 'the little one' make dil angry as they're avoidance strategies then he'll just have to avoid using any term.

Should be easy enough if he remembers to stop and think first eg if you're around there and he wants to cuddle the baby, instead of saying "my turn to cuddle Stupid Bloody Yoonique Name," he just says, "I think it's grandad's turn for a cuddle now".

Blueggsandham · 29/10/2023 23:10

Tell your DIL your husband can't remember name and you're worried it's a sign of dementia, she'll probably run a mile.

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